


The Things We Leave Behind

by Havoka



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Future Fic, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Multi, minor original characters, ok now there's outright sexual content lmao but only in one chapter and it's labeled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:05:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 73,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Havoka/pseuds/Havoka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after the night on the mountain, Sam organizes a reunion of the old group. Prepared for war, Emily reluctantly attends - only to discover that nearly everyone but her has matured, married and settled into a relatively comfortable adult life. </p><p>The only person absent from the reunion is Jessica. According to Sam, no one can locate her. But Matt seems to know something...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Do What I Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. This is a fic that I've been sitting on since late September, and never got around to posting because I kept finding things to tweak here and there. It's my first real multi-chapter UD fic. First chapter is quite short, but the ones to follow will be longer! Thanks for reading!

Emily typically received anywhere between twenty and thirty phone calls a day. They were mostly business-related, though a few were arguably more personal – business partners and acquaintances asking her out to lunch or coffee to discuss new ideas and potential partnerships. She’d become so accustomed to her phone buzzing that she thought nothing of it anymore.

As usual, her phone began vibrating across the surface of her desk as she tapped away at her keyboard with perfectly-manicured fingernails. She glanced over at the screen. An unknown number. She didn’t have time for unknown numbers. If it was important enough, they’d leave a voicemail.

She finished the spreadsheet she’d forced herself to complete shortly before five o’clock. _Thank God._ She hated staying late to finish what should have already been done. As she packed up for the day she glanced one more time at her phone. The unknown number hadn’t left a voicemail or anything. Strange.

The hallway outside her office was already filling with foot traffic. Everyone was eager to get home after a long day. Emily took a minute to fix her hair and smooth her skirt, then she slung her handbag over her shoulder and stepped out into the hall, locking her door behind her.

The walk out at the end of the work day was always the most satisfying part for Emily. Her thousand-dollar heels clicked down the tiled hall, drawing the attention of everyone around her. She sashayed down the hallway with an air of both grace and dominance – a demeanor that told the lessers around her that she was the Alpha. She was on a level they could never even hope to ascend to.

Of course, she herself didn’t buy any of it – she still picked herself apart flaw-by-flaw every day. But as long as she conveyed that false confidence as genuine to her inferiors, that was all that mattered. She was keenly aware of that.

The elevator doors at the end of the hall were open as she approached them. A few white men in suits were inside already. Pulling her weighty handbag higher up on her shoulder, Emily picked up the pace just the slightest bit.

The door began to close. The men inside, chatting away either on their phones or to one another, made no effort to hold it open. Emily had to stick her arm into the closing elevator to keep it open long enough for her to step inside.

She hated elevators enough to begin with. If taking fourteen flights of stairs in four-inch heels was practical or possible she’d be taking the stairs every day. Being closed in like this, vulnerable, lurching either upward or downward, bothered her for reasons she couldn’t quite articulate. Despite the end-of-day walkout being her favorite part, riding the elevator definitely knocked its appeal down a few pegs from where it would be otherwise.

The only strategy she’d found to help alleviate the irrational discomfort was to stand against the back wall, the back of her head rested slightly against it, standing very still. As long as she was able to assume that position, the elevator ride became bearable. And then she got to continue her proud strut out the front doors and down to the parking lot.

On the way out her phone began to buzz again. She dug it out of her purse. The same unfamiliar number from a few minutes ago. _Ugh, what the hell do they want?_

“Hello?” she answered the call with a huff. Usually she answered more formally, but after a long day of bullshit she didn’t feel up to formality.

“…Emily?” a female voice said.

Emily fished out the keys to her S-class Benz Coupe, parked in a spot reserved solely for her. “Yes?” She tried–and failed–to mask her annoyance with the strange caller. “Who am I speaking to?”

“Wow, I can’t believe I actually found you again!” The woman hesitated. “It’s – it’s Sam. We used to be friends, a hundred million years ago.”

Emily stopped in the middle of unlocking her car.

“Do you remember me?” Sam asked after a moment.

Emily slowly pulled the key out of the lock and opened her car door. She hadn’t spoken to Sam since The Incident ten years ago.

“Of course I remember you,” she murmured as she slipped into her car and shut the door. “It’s been ages, though – how did you find me?”

“I was searching for some old names, and I found your website. It had a number listed, so I figured I’d call and see where it went.”

“Well, you got me.” Emily slid the keys into the ignition, but didn’t start the car. “So, uh, what’s going on? How have you been?”

“I’m good.” Her voice was as chipper and cheerful as ever. “And you?”

“Oh, I’m…you know.” She shrugged, despite knowing Sam couldn’t see the gesture. “Hanging in there.”

“So I was thinking,” Sam launched, practically cutting off Emily’s response, “We should get together for lunch or something. According to your website your work is only about twenty minutes from where I live. It wouldn’t be much of a ride for me to meet you near there sometime.”

Emily considered it. She hadn’t had a strictly-personal lunch date with anyone in a long time. And if Sam was still as easygoing as she used to be, it wouldn’t be too stressful an outing.

“I don’t work weekends,” Em eventually said. “We could meet up somewhere this Sunday, if you wanted.” It was the last time she’d be free for a while – meetings and conferences littered the next few weekends.

“Oh, that sounds great!” She could tell Sam was smiling by the tone of her voice. “I’m looking forward to reconnecting with old friends.”

Emily finally started her car. “You said you were searching for old names. Have you…found anyone else? Besides me?”

“Yes,” she replied, still smiling. “I’ll tell you all about it over lunch.”

Leverage, to keep Em intrigued so she wouldn’t cancel the lunch date. Clever. “All right. Sunday, noontime? There’s a nice coffee and sandwich shop fairly close by. I can text you the address before Sunday.”

“Great! I’ll see you then, Emily.”

“See you.” She hung up. As she pulled out of the parking lot, she found herself shaking her head. _Why did I agree to that?_ She’d buried the past for a reason. Hearing Sam’s voice, so familiar, so soothing, had clouded her better judgment. _Well I’m committed to it now._ Emily never backed out of an arrangement. It was unprofessional.

_Now begins the four days of anticipation._


	2. The Constant

Emily had no idea what Sam was going to be dressed like – so, as not to be potentially outdone, she dressed her best. An outrageously expensive black-and-white blazer with gold buttons, a short but modest black skirt and her favorite three-inch heels. She strutted into the coffee shop like a rich fish out of water, flipping her shoulder-length hair as she made her way through the insouciant crowd.

Sam was immediately recognizable. Dressed in painfully casual yoga pants and a sporty tank top, the only thing different about her was the fact that her hair was chopped into a shaggy pixie. She waved enthusiastically at Emily, and beckoned her over to the small table she’d chosen.

“Oh my gosh, Emily, you look great!” Apparently she couldn’t resist hopping up out of her seat and meeting her halfway. The next thing Em knew the other woman was practically crushing her in a tight hug.

Despite her usual distaste for people touching her, Emily couldn’t help but feel a little bit glad for the human contact. In all honesty she couldn’t remember the last time she’d hugged or been hugged by someone. It might have been years.

“You look good too, Sam.” They sat down at the table. “I like the hair. Suits you.”

“Thanks,” Sam beamed. “It’s much more practical, too – no getting grabbed by claws or teeth.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, I own a veterinary practice,” Sam added.

“Oh.” Emily swallowed. It was crazy how quickly buried memories could resurface in the presence of an old friend. But as quickly as they came back, she squashed them down again. “That’s interesting. So I’m assuming you’re still into the whole vegan lifestyle and all that?”

“Mhm.” Sam smiled a little. “Twelve years and counting.”

“Damn, that’s some dedication.”

Sam chuckled. “So how are things in your life? I know you’re a big successful editor, but besides that?”

“Besides that?” Emily exhaled. Her career had pretty much become her life – she’d found that too much idle time just led to dwelling on things she’d prefer to forget. As a result, there wasn’t much else for her to talk about. “Um, I have a house. Small, but I like it small. Unimposing. I also have a three-year-old Sphynx named Rin.”

 “You really love that breed, huh?” Sam said with a smile. “I remember you having one when we were younger.”

“Yeah. I was actually looking at Persian cats before I got Rin. But I just find something about Sphynxes so, I don’t know, endearing I guess. I couldn’t resist.”

“Do you have any pictures of her? I love seeing people’s pets.”

With a tiny smile, Emily pulled her phone from her purse and flipped to one of the hundreds of pictures she had of her little princess. Sam squealed. “Oh, she’s adorable! And I love the collar.”

“Yeah, isn’t she?” Emily dropped her phone back into her bag. “And, thanks. Swarovski crystals. I was considering going with genuine diamonds, but I decided it might make Rin a target for getting cat-napped.”

 “Probably a good idea. So is it just you and Rin at home? Or is there anyone else, you know, in the picture?” Sam grinned slyly. “I mean, maybe you don’t live together, but–”

“No.” Her response unintentionally came with a bit of bristle.

Sam quickly changed the subject. “Oh, okay. So, um, anyway, I’ve been trying to get in contact with the rest of our old friend group. I found Chris and Ashley. Did you know they got married? And they have two little boys?”

“Two kids already? Isn’t she younger than us?”

“She’s twenty-eight I think. Yeah, she’s a year younger than us.”

“Jesus, I’m glad I’m not saddled with two kids already.” The thought occurred to Emily that she hadn’t inquired about Sam’s familial status. Nor had Sam volunteered anything. “What about you?”

“Not unless you count furry kids.” She laughed a little. “A dog, two cats, two guinea pigs, an iguana, and a tarantula. Well the iguana isn’t furry but you get what I mean.”

Coming from Sam, that response didn’t faze Emily in the slightest. “So is it just you and your animals?”

“Oh, no.” She held up her left hand, exposing a gleaming wedding band. “I’m married.”

“Seriously? You too?” Emily made a face. “Am I the only one from the old group who _isn’t_ married?”

Sam tapped her chin. “Well I know Matt’s married. Chris and Ashley are obviously married. I’m married. I haven’t been able to find Jessica, so I don’t know about her…oh! Mike’s not married.”

“Of course he isn’t. Why would he ever want to commit to just one woman?” Emily wrinkled her nose. The fact that Matt was married didn’t surprise her, either. He was probably a househusband to some dominatrix.

“Would you have a problem seeing him again?” Sam asked. For a second Em thought she was talking about Matt, but quickly realized she meant Mike. “I was thinking about getting the old group together sometime soon and inviting you all to dinner at my house. I thought it might be nice to reconnect. But if people still have old grudges – in your case a totally understandable one, but nevertheless – I wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

“The whole group, huh.” Emily folded her arms and cast her eyes to the side. “You think that’s a good idea? We never exactly had the best track record for group hangouts.”

It wasn’t like people died the last two times or anything.

“Well, we’re adults now. A lot of us have families, kids – I don’t think it would be like it was back then.”

“Michael doesn’t have a family, apparently. And neither do I.” Emily scowled. “It won’t be any different for us.”

“Like I said, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Though her words were a bit snippy, her tone was gentle. Sam had always had a funny ability to scold you without making you angry at her. “I just thought it would be nice.”

“…So you haven’t found Jess, huh.” Emily decided to veer slightly off that topic.

“No. And nobody seems to have heard from her, either.” Sam’s cheerful demeanor ebbed a bit. “But I didn’t find any evidence online of her being…you know…I didn’t find any obituaries or anything.”

Emily’s shoulders drooped. She’d attempted to re-establish a friendship with Jessica after that night on the mountain. They’d made a little progress, but Jessica was really struggling after all that had happened to her. She had trouble leaving the house. Her sentences often trailed off into meaningless fragments. Looking back on it now, what Emily did was terrible, and she knew that – but at the time, unable to deal with seeing her former best friend in such a state, she’d pulled away from Jess. Permanently.

“Maybe I’ll go to the dinner,” she said.

Sam brightened. “Really? You would?”

She’d never had friends as good as the old group. Starting with Jessica, her first real friend and connection to the group, they had scooped her up as the friendless little bookworm in class and given her a sense of security she’d never had before or since. She still vividly remembered the time Sam stood up for her in gym class when the other kids were mocking her for her terrible athletic performance. That was the very beginning of young Emily’s realization that she didn’t have to take shit like that. And so, armed with false confidence and lots of buried anger, and backed by Jessica and all of Jessica’s friends, who eventually became _her_ friends as well, Emily had forced herself to transform.

She wouldn’t be where she was today without them.

Emily kept her chin up. “Yes. I’ll go.”

Sam grinned. “That’s great. Thank you, Em.” She pulled something out of her pocket – a crumpled piece of paper with writing on it. Emily hadn’t noticed until then that she had a tiny pen clipped to the breast pocket of her tank top. “So, any date you would prefer? Weekend? Weeknight? Time?”

“I work Monday to Thursday nine to five-ish, Fridays nine to three. I’m off weekends, but I’m often meeting with clients and associates then.”

“Okay. Well I already met up with Chris and Ashley and they’re good anytime, as long as they have enough notice to arrange for a sitter. Matt lives in San Fran, so it’s kind of a ride for him, but he can get here pretty much whenever. Mike is…very busy, like you.” She skimmed the paper, making some additions as she went. “He says a Saturday night would be the best.”

“What about, like, a month from yesterday?” Em asked. “That would give everyone plenty of time to clear their schedules.”

“Sounds good!” Sam smiled at her. “I think this will be good for all of us.”

After that discussion, they decided to hang around the shop a while longer, sipping some coffee and catching up some more.


	3. A Looking In View

_One Month Later_

Sam had told her to arrive around five o’clock, so naturally Emily arrived at four-thirty. Sam’s house was cute and quaint, just as she would have imagined it. A cheery yellow house set far back from the road and a front yard bursting with wildflowers. In the driveway a red Chevy Volt sat beside some kind of cheap blue sedan Em didn’t bother to look twice at. Behind them was a black Dodge Ram with a faded 49ers sticker on the rear windshield.  Emily swung in and parked in its shade. _God, I’m not even inside yet and I already know this is gonna be unbearable._

She had thought about dressing casually, but didn’t want to be shown up, especially with two ex-boyfriends there. So she wore a cute, short red dress with her treasured diamond necklace and her favorite pair of genuine louboutins. _Might as well make ‘em regret what they’re missing out on._ Which, in her own honest opinion, wasn’t much. But she wouldn’t let them know that.

After a minute of fussing with her hair and makeup in the car mirror, Emily finally stepped out and sauntered up the walkway. Despite the confident walk she’d mastered long ago, her hands shook slightly. As soon as she rang the doorbell she quickly assumed what she hoped was an apathetic demeanor.

The door swung open. Emily gasped and stumbled backward, almost falling off the front steps. “H-Hannah?”

It took her several long seconds to realize the tall, tan-skinned, bespectacled brunette before her was not, in fact, her dead childhood friend. The woman raised an eyebrow in concern. “Are you all right, Miss?”

Emily took a few breaths, one hand over her heart. “Sorry, you just – I thought were you were – wow.” She took a second to collect her thoughts. “Who are you? I thought this was Sam’s house.”

The woman smiled. “You’re one of our guests tonight, right? Sam said she was inviting some old friends over.”

“Yes, I am. And again, who are you?”

Still smiling, the woman replied, “I’m Sam’s wife. Sarah.”

Emily balked. Sarah extended a hand out to her. Emily glanced down at it, then hesitantly shook hands with her.

“So are you Emily?” Sarah asked as she let Em in and closed the door behind her.

“Yes. I’m Emily.”

The house’s interior complimented the exterior. The walls inside were a pale lavender, full of framed photographs of flowers, animals, and natural landmarks. The house wasn’t perfectly neat, but it had a homey feel to it. It was quite unlike Emily’s cold and sterile household.

A jangling noise drew her attention. The sound of claws on hardwood immediately clued Emily in to its source. A chubby little grey pug trotted through a nearby doorway and over to Sarah, its tongue lolling out of its mouth.

“Heya, handsome.” Sarah knelt to its level and scratched under its wrinkly chin. The dog, however, took greater interest in Emily. It sniffed her cautiously. After determining she was not a threat, the dog allowed her to pet it with a happy bark.

“Who’s here?” Sam’s voice echoed from another room.

“Your friend Emily,” Sarah called back.

A moment later Sam appeared in the living room doorway. “Hey, Em! Glad you came. If you wanna wash up or anything, bathroom’s right down there.” She pointed out into the hallway. “Or you can come join us. We’re just catching up right now.”

“Wait, who’s already here?” She’d figured by arriving half an hour early she’d be the first one there. The three vehicles in the driveway had been a warning sign, but she’d hoped they all belonged to Sam or something.

“Matt. He planned for more traffic than there ended up being.”

Emily hesitated. “Oh. Great.”

She and Matt’s relationship had dissolved shortly after The Incident. It wasn’t resentful – she’d been pissed at him for not making every effort to save her, but in fairness she _had_ been cheating on him. If she were in his shoes she would’ve left her ass hanging, too. And he had been good to her right up until that moment. As far as teen breakups went, theirs had been relatively amicable. But still…

“I’ll wash up first.” She handed Sam her weighty purse.

“Okay. I’ll leave this on the couch, if that’s all right.”

Emily brushed past Sam’s wife and found her way to the bathroom. Again, it was just as she would have imagined it. Creamy white walls with pastel blue highlights. A white shower curtain with butterflies on it. Blue-and-white hand towels with ‘S’ monogrammed on them. _This place is way too cute. It’s making me sick._

After washing her hands and taking one last peek in the mirror to ensure she looked okay, she wandered reluctantly into the kitchen.  Immediately she took in the sight and smell of Sam cooking. She was chatting away to… _Oh my God._

Matt glanced over at her. _Holy crap._ He’d always been cute, but the last ten years had apparently been nothing but good to him – he was more handsome than ever. He was also pretty freaking ripped. Not grossly so, but his exposed arms were huge and beefy.

“Hey, Emily,” he said, greeting her with a shy smile. “Damn, it’s been a while. You look good.”

Emily stumbled for a response.

“Sit down!” Sam waved a spoon toward the table. Em’s place was apparently set right beside Matt’s. She sat with all the grace she could muster, smoothing her dress as she sat up straight as she could.

“Hello, Matt,” she said, avoiding looking at him. “You, um, look good too.”

“Thanks. So what’ve you been up to?”

Emily crossed her legs under the table. Shaking one foot idly, she shrugged and replied, “Kind of a lot. I’m chief editor for L.A. Fashion magazine.”

“Oh yeah?” He rested an elbow on the table. She could tell without turning in his direction that he was staring at her. “That’s cool.”

It was obvious he was waiting for her to ask about him. “So…what about you?”

His smile grew. “I got drafted by the 49ers a couple years ago. I’m their backup linebacker now. I, uh, don’t get to play all that much – I actually just got on the roster after a few years of practice squad. But when I do, man, it’s awesome.”

He hadn’t changed a bit. “So Sam tells me you’re married.” She glanced over to Sam, who seemed to be trying to minimize her presence in their conversation as much as possible. Sam didn’t look over.

His smile faded. He seemed to search for a response for quite a while. “…Yeah,” he finally replied.

“You sound overjoyed about it.”

“Oh, no, I’m – I mean…” He flinched under Emily’s scrutinizing gaze. “It’s just…not always everything I was expecting.”

“That’s why I’m not married.” Emily folded her arms. “Too much bullshit to put up with.”

Matt laughed. “Wish you’d been around to give me relationship advice then.”

“Oh yeah, you _definitely_ want relationship advice from me. The one who’s been single for ten years.”

“Ten years?” Matt paused. “Wait. Was I the last guy you dated?”

Emily shrugged. After everything that had happened back then, intimacy had been far from her mind. Hell, she barely even had platonic relationships with anyone.

“Wow.” Matt nodded to himself. “That’s…somethin’.”

They fell into another awkward silence. “So Sam,” Emily tried.

Sam turned around. “Hm?”

Dropping her voice, Em asked, “What’s with Hannah 2.0?”

Sam noticeably tensed. “Hannah? What about Hannah?”

“The…lady you’re apparently married to. There’s no way you’ve never noticed she looks exactly like Hannah.”

“You think she does?” Sam turned away a little. “I never noticed.”

“I kinda thought it _was_ Hannah for a second, when she answered the door,” Matt admitted.

“Me too!” Emily straightened triumphantly. “See Sam, it’s not just me. You married Hannah 2.0.”

Sam turned fully back toward the pot on the stove. “Well, whatever you think, I’d appreciate if you didn’t mention anything about it to Sarah.”

“Me? Start trouble?” Emily laid a hand over her chest. “Oh Sam, I would _never_.”

“ _Please._ ” Sam turned back around, leveling Emily with a glare she’d never seen from Sam before. “It’s already a touchy subject for us. Please don’t make it worse.”

“…So you _do_ know she looks like Hannah.” Emily smiled a smug little smile.

“Yes, of course I know. But that’s not why I’m attracted to Sarah. Maybe…maybe it started out that way, but I love her as her own person now.”

“Sam, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it.” Matt, ever the do-gooder, of course stepped in, making Emily look bad.

“I was just kidding,” Em muttered.

The doorbell rang. They heard Sarah greet someone. Two voices responded, male and female.

“That’s gotta be Chris and Ashley,” Sam said. Her jovial disposition returned.

Emily rolled her eyes. She’d been hoping they wouldn’t be able to find a babysitter.

Sarah appeared in the kitchen doorway. Behind her was Chris. He looked almost exactly the same as the last time Emily had seen him. The only difference was that he appeared to have packed on a few more pounds. He still wore those big dorky glasses, and his hair was still that same scruffy style he’d decided to go with as a teenager.

“Sam!” He reached out to her. They hugged like old pals. Then he turned to Emily and Matt. “Hey guys.” He gave them a small, shy wave. Matt greeted him with the same warm smile he’d shown Emily. Emily nodded at him.

“Where’s Ash?” Sam asked.

“Oh, she’s playing with your dog.” He leaned back out into the living room. “Hon, come on. They wanna see ya.”

A moment later Ashley appeared at Chris’ side. Emily blinked. Her formerly long, flowing red hair was cut into one of those chin-length Mom hairstyles. She didn’t look like she was wearing any makeup at all. And damn, she’d put on more weight than Chris.

Much as Emily didn’t want to admit it though, she was still cute as a button. Not really pretty, but cute. Damn short girls always had that cuteness factor going for them.

She’d promised herself before leaving for Sam’s that she would be the bigger person and act more noble and graceful than her petty former friends. She’d already irritated Sam. This would be a good opportunity to both redeem herself in Sam’s eyes and challenge herself to uphold her earlier vow.

“Hey Ashley,” she said, drawing the other woman’s attention as she and Chris were taking their seats at the table. “How the hell do you still look so cute? It’s been ten years, for crying out loud.”

Ashley hesitated. She glanced to Chris. He shrugged. “Um…thanks?” she eventually said. “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

Emily frowned. “Just take the compliment. I can be nice sometimes, you know.”

“…Okay.” Ashley smiled a little. “Thanks. You look good too, Emily.”

Sam cast a subtle, approving smile in Emily’s direction. _Good. Now if anyone starts shit with me **they’ll** look like the asshole._

“Can I just say I think it’s so adorable that you two are married?” Sam said as she fished some ingredients out of an overhead cabinet. “It used to drive us all crazy when you two wouldn’t just get together already. Josh and I used to bet on when you were finally going to ask each other out.”

That drew Chris’ attention. “Really? You did?”

“Yeah.” Her voice took on a wistful note. “He wanted you two to get together so much. Even though…”

There was a pause that resonated in the room.

“Even though…?” Chris prompted.

Everybody fixed on her, enticed by her reluctance.

Sam kept her back to them. “He was in love with you.”

Ashley and Chris exchanged a look.

“With…me?” Ashley asked. Chris fidgeted in his seat.

“With Chris.”

Everyone went quiet. Emily stole a glance around at everyone. Matt’s eyebrows were raised. Ashley’s face was contorted into an expression of confusion and slight dismay. Chris was looking down at his hands on the table.

“I…kinda figured that,” Chris murmured.

“He was in love with you?” Ashley turned to him.

“I guess? I mean, I just always had suspicions.” He shrugged, his eyes still cast downward.

“So yeah,” Sam finished, “He tried so hard to get you and Ashley together, because he knew you loved her. And I guess he succeeded.”

Chris and Ashley exchanged a look. Chris reached over and laid a hand on top of Ashley’s.

Ashley squeezed his hand. “We named our oldest Joshua.”

“That’s gonna make for a hell of a story someday.” Emily couldn’t help voicing the thought that crossed her mind. “And Joshy, you’re named after Daddy’s gay best friend who pretended he was gonna kill Mommy and Daddy so they could bond over the trauma.”

Everyone glared at her.

She shrugged. “What?”

Sarah poked her head in the doorway. “Hey sweets, are you expecting anyone else? I’d rather not be hanging around as designated greeter if no one else is coming.”

“We’re still waiting on Mike.”

Sarah pulled a slight face. Nobody seemed to notice it except Emily. “We said five o’clock. It’s five-ten. Everyone else is here. Maybe Mr. Politician doesn’t have time for us little people.”

Emily quirked a brow.

“Not to be rude or anything, but I’m kinda starving,” Matt piped up. “Maybe we can start without Mike.”

Emily nodded. “I agree.”

“Guys…” Sam seemed to be trying to think of something to say in Mike’s defense. “…Okay, what do you two think?” She looked to Chris and Ashley instead.

“Well, we only have the sitter ‘til nine.” Ashley frowned. “I mean, that’s probably plenty of time, but we _are_ on a time limit.”

“All right. Let’s start now, then. If Mike shows up he can dig right in.”

Sam moved around the table, dishing out the meal she’d made. Some kind of homecooked-looking pasta mixed with leafy vegetables and some…meatballs?

“Beetballs,” Sam explained with a smile, apparently noticing Emily’s confused look. ”They’re delicious, I promise.”

As soon as she had filled everyone’s plate, Sam took a seat across from Ashley and Chris. Sarah slipped in beside her. Emily suddenly became hyperaware that she was surrounded by married people. And then there she was – hadn’t even had a date in years. Sitting next to her ex-boyfriend, who had become somehow even cuter than he’d been when they dated.

The doorbell rang.

“That must be him.” Sam got up. Sarah offered to get the door, but Sam told her it was all right. She disappeared into the living room.

“I was really hoping he wouldn’t show up,” Emily grumbled, resting her chin on her palm.

The front door creaked open. That smooth, cocky voice of his filled the house. “Hey! Sorry I’m late.  Hope I didn’t miss anything.”

“We were just about to start.” Sam’s softer voice was a little harder to hear, but still audible. “Everyone else is already here.”

Emily felt a gentle nudge against her right side. “Don’t let him bother you,” Matt whispered.

Emily hesitated, unsure what to say in response.

“Hello everyone.” Mike entered the room with all the grandiosity one would expect from a politician. The idiot was dressed in a suit, with a red silk tie that matched Emily’s dress.

He smiled at everyone, but his smile grew cautious when it settled briefly on Emily. “Hey Em,” he said, very obviously trying to appear as cool and casual as he used to.

“Hello, Michael.” Emily purposely avoided any affectionate shortenings of his name.

“Glad you could join us.” Sarah passed him a dish.

“I’m glad, too. I had to squeeze you guys in tonight, but I wasn’t gonna miss it.”

Emily noticed Sarah staring at Mike’s left hand. She’d almost forgotten about his two missing fingers. At least her scars from The Incident weren’t quite so visible.

Sam sat back down beside Sarah. The only empty place for Mike was between Chris and Ashley and Sam and Sarah. He was directly across from Emily and Matt. Em wondered if he was feeling the same awkwardness she felt at being surrounded by married old friends.

“So, any interesting news I missed?” Mike asked, glancing around the table. “I know I didn’t get to catch up like the rest of you guys–”

“We’re trying to eat.” Emily picked up a forkful of her dinner to prove a point.

“Right. Sorry.” Mike cleared his throat awkwardly. “Maybe later.”

“You’re right Sam, these _are_ good.” Matt brought his empty fork back down to his plate and sought another beetball. “Or maybe you’re just a good cook.”

“Aww, thank you.” Sam beamed. “I’m glad you guys are okay with me pushing my evil vegan agenda on you.”

As much as Emily enjoyed being a contrarian, she couldn’t disagree with Matt there. The food was delicious. She just wished she could swallow it properly knowing Mike was right at the same table. Regardless of how delicious the meal was, her agitated nerves made it feel like she was swallowing lead.

“So after dinner are we all gonna stick around for a while and hang out?” Mike tried again. “I can’t be here _too_ long, but–”

“We’re eating.” This time Sarah cut him off.

Emily concealed a smirk behind the back of her hand. This Sarah may have looked exactly like Hannah, but when it came to her reception of Mike she could not be any more different. Emily found herself taking a liking to her solely on that merit.

“But Matt just–”

“Anyone can stay as long as they want,” Sam finally answered him. “I don’t think anyone’s just gonna eat and leave.”

Emily sure wanted to. But her desire to make herself look good, to brag about her stupid, superficial accomplishments, won out. If she left right after dinner they’d all just think she was a loser with nothing to share. And probably a moocher, too. Dining and dashing.

It was a long, awkward, and quiet dinner after that.


	4. House of Seven Swords

After dinner they sat around the living room and caught up some more. Two people would talk for a while, then switch off and pair up with someone else to chat with. Emily found herself clinging close to Matt, not sure she wanted to talk to anyone else.

Then she was approached by Ashley. “Hi, Emily.” The other woman leaned against the armrest of the chair Em had claimed for her own. “So how are you?”

Emily looked her up and down. It was strange how different she appeared. Not just because of physical changes like the haircut or the weight gain, but because she commanded a different sort of aura now. Emily felt as if she were being spoken to by someone much older than her. It made sense, she supposed – Ashley had been through several major life events that Emily hadn’t even had much of a chance to consider for herself. Emily still felt so young. She still thought of married people, of parents, as being much older than her. She certainly didn’t think of them being her younger friends from childhood.

“I’m pretty good. I honestly thought this was going to go a lot worse than it’s been going so far, so I guess that’s a positive.” Emily shrugged. “How are you?”

Ashley laughed a little. “Yeah, I wasn’t totally sure what to expect either. But, I did want to say…”

She hesitated. Emily raised an eyebrow, waiting.

“I mean, I don’t want to dredge up ancient history, but…I still feel bad about what happened all those years ago. With me and you.” She shifted back and forth. “I still think about it sometimes and I feel awful. And now that I have kids it’s like, God, you were someone’s teenage daughter. I’d never forgive somebody who advocated hurting my boys. I feel like a real piece of crap for that. I probably always will.”

The confession gave Emily pause. She had come here expecting either outright hatred or sugary-sweet fake niceness from pretty much everyone. But Ashley’s words seemed surprisingly earnest.

“I forgive you, Ash,” was all she could say in return.

“You don’t have to. I wasn’t looking for forgiveness. I just wanted to get it out there–”

“I do forgive you, though.” Emily looked away from her. “You weren’t the one I was really upset with, anyway.”

Ashley followed Emily’s glare over to Mike, who was too busy talking to Chris to notice. “Still a lot of bad blood there, huh?”

Emily folded her arms. “He tried to give me a half-assed apology way back when, but fuck that. Fuck him. I don’t have to accept an apology from someone who wanted to fucking murder me. I don’t care how many years it’s been.”

“That’s understandable.”

Chris soon re-appeared at Ashley’s side. “Hey Emily.” He greeted her with a kind smile. “Nice to see you.”

You could always count on Chris to be pleasant to anyone. Even someone who had slapped his wife down in the past, and made a shitty comment about their son’s name in the not-so-past. “Nice to see you, too,” she replied.

“Did Ash show you any pictures of our kids?” he asked, clearly brimming with excitement about the subject. “And/or do you want to see any?”

“No and sure, I guess.”

In about two seconds Chris had pulled up an album of pictures on his phone. The first one he showed her was a picture of two strawberry blonde boys. The boy on the left was tall and of average weight, the one on the right shorter and a little more heavyset. They were both grinning like devils.

“That’s Joshy,” Ashley said, pointing to the taller one before moving her finger over to the smaller boy, “and that’s CJ.”

“Chris Junior,” Chris chimed in, grinning proudly.

“We have an agreement that after Chris Junior I get to name any future kids, as well as pets,” Ashley said.

“You guys are thinking about having more?” Emily couldn’t even imagine having two kids to deal with. Never mind more than that.

“Well I _would_ like to maybe have a daughter before I get too old. And hey, maybe the third pregnancy I’ll hit the metabolic jackpot and lose the baby weight from all three afterward.” She laughed.

“Heh.” Emily wasn’t sure it would be appropriate for her to laugh at a self-deprecating joke like that.

“Sorry. I guess somewhere along the line I developed a sense of Mom Humor. Goes with his Dad Humor.” She pointed at Chris. They both started laughing.

“Aren’t you two just adorable…” Emily was rapidly losing interest in the conversation. As she glanced around the room, she suddenly noticed Mike watching her from the couch. He was sitting next to Matt and Sam, who were chatting away. He wasn’t saying a word.

Ashley and Chris apparently noticed Emily’s attention had shifted elsewhere. They said something to each other, and then Chris said, “We’ll let you catch up with everyone else. Nice talking to you.”

“Mhm,” she replied, barely listening.

As soon as they walked away Mike got up from his seat and casually approached her. Not one to be intimidated, Emily stood up as well.

“Hey, uh, Emily,” Mike began, waiting until he was just a breath from her before continuing. “You look great. Amazing, actually. I’m not surprised, but…”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” she spat.

Mike grimaced. “Okay, so you’re still mad at me. Wasn’t… _totally_ sure.” He nodded to a couple of chairs beside one another at the far end of the room. Emily crossed her arms and shook her head. “C’mon, please Em. I want to make things right here. I still feel like shit about it.”

No way was she going to let that smooth-talking prick lower her defenses again. “Walk away, Mike.”

Matt was observing them cautiously, half-risen from his seat. It was nice to know someone had her back. Even if he was a bit of a lug and would probably just escalate the situation.

“Please. Give me one chance.”

Emily stood firm, but inside she could feel her resolve weakening. She didn’t want to hate Mike forever. He had been such a big part of her life. She’d reached so many milestones of adulthood with him by her side – her first dance, her first serious relationship…some much more intimate, deeply personal milestones that Emily hated thinking about…

She swallowed hard. “Fine. _One_ chance.”

His eyes lit up. He led her over to the empty corner with the two chairs and offered her the most comfortable of the mismatched seats. Em wasted no time occupying it. She sat up tall, crossing her legs and folding her arms across her chest. As closed off as she could be. Mike sat almost as formally, but somehow he still managed to come across as open and inviting. No wonder he had such success as a politician.

Emily fucking hated knowing that he “represented” her as far as the United States government was concerned. And on top of that, how fucking _popular_ he was. Every election she had to drive by at least a million “Munroe for Representative” lawn signs. She was always just a little bit tempted to drive over the person’s lawn and “accidentally” take the sign out with her Coupe.

Mike raked a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know how to start, so I’ll just say it outright. I’m sorry, Emily. I acted like an asshole back then. I was just afraid you–”

“A good apology doesn’t try to justify the offending behavior,” Emily reminded him.

“…Right. You’re right. So I know what I thought, but it doesn’t matter, because what I did was wrong. And I’ve been living with this guilt for ten years now.” He inhaled slowly, almost nervously. “What I tried to do back then, I obviously couldn’t do it. Because I loved you too much. I still care about you, even now. It was shitty, and awful, and I’m so, so sorry. I’ll always have to live with the fact that I even considered hurting you. But if there’s any chance I could just…make you hate me a little less…I figure this is probably my best shot.”

“Why do you care if I hate you?” was all Emily said in response.

“Because I don’t want you to hate me. We went through so much together. I’d like to be able to look back on those memories and know they have at least kind of a happy ending.”

“You piece of shit,” Emily muttered. “Fuck you, you know? You don’t get to just…come back into my life, and…and…” She clenched her teeth in her familiar snarl. Her eyes were beginning to sting, which was just about the worst possible thing that could be happening at that moment. _No. I will **not** cry because of Mike ever again._

Mike searched her moist eyes with the warm brown of his own. “I know I’m a piece of shit,” he said. “I’m sorry, Em.”

Emily quickly got to her feet. She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. Attempting to look as casual as possible while crying and running away from a former lover, she wandered into the hallway and then out to the front steps. She closed the door behind her, but not before she saw Mike’s shadow in the doorway.

She sat down on the steps and buried her face in her hands. She’d thought her wounds from Mike had closed up over these ten long years. But no, apparently she was still just as emotionally volatile in matters of the heart as she’d been in her delicate teens.

The front door opened a little behind her. “Really,” she mumbled through her hands, “you’re gonna fucking follow me out here?”

“It’s me.”

She’d never been so relieved to hear Matt’s voice. Emily uncurled herself and gazed up at him with her surely-blotched face and runny makeup.

Matt sat down beside her. “Are you okay? What the hell did he say to you?”

Emily stared down the driveway, avoiding Matt’s concerned face. “He said that he was sorry. That he didn’t want me to hate him. He says he wants our memories together to have a ‘happy ending’.”

“Oh.” Matt hesitated. “Well I guess that’s not as bad as it coulda been. I mean, he knows he fucked up at least.”

“He ruined my fucking life. He destroyed the best friendship I ever had too, and now no one even fucking knows where Jessica is, so I can’t even make amends with her…”

Matt froze. Despite not looking directly at him, Emily could sense his shift in demeanor.

She turned to him. “You don’t know where she is, do you?”

Matt bit his lip, saying nothing.

“Oh my God. You do.” The tears in her eyes began to recede. She’d already gotten to smooth things over somewhat with her other old friends. If she could only talk to Jessica… “I mean, she’s alive, right?”

“Yeah. She’s alive.” Matt rested a meaty elbow on one of his knees. Now it was his turn to stare outward, avoiding Emily’s piercing gaze. “I don’t know if right now’s the time to tell you about it, though. You’re already pretty upset.”

“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Emily pushed him lightly, desperate for him to look at her.

He hesitated. Checking to make sure the front door was tightly closed, he leaned just the slightest bit closer to Emily. “I haven’t seen her in about a year, but I talk to her every couple weeks or so. She’s just–she’s not in a good place. She’s living in a shithole apartment in Lincoln Heights with these two girls who are in the same situation.”

“Situation…?”

Matt seemed to be searching for an answer. Ultimately he said, “I shouldn’t say any more. But, since I’m staying overnight in a hotel here in L.A. and not leaving ‘til tomorrow afternoon, I was thinking about visiting her before I left. Would you maybe want to come with me?”

“Will you tell me more about her ‘situation’ before we get there, so I can know what the hell I’m getting into?”

“I’d tell you on the way there. I promise.”

Emily dried her eyes. “Okay. I guess I’ll go.”

Matt nodded. “All right. I think she’ll be happy to see you, Em.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

Emily sniffled and attempted to wipe some of her run make up off her cheeks.

“Are you going back in there?” Matt asked.

“Yes, but just to get my purse. Then I’m heading home.” She’d had enough socialization and painful old wounds opened for one night.

“Yeah, me too probably. Well not home, but to the hotel.”  He rubbed his neck. “You know what I mean.”

In a moment of impulsivity, Emily leaned over and flung her arms around Matt’s massive frame. He made a small noise of surprise, but quickly returned the hug.

“Thanks for checking up on me, big guy,” she murmured into his shirt.

“No problem.” Matt cradled her in his strong arms. “I, uh…”

She pulled away enough to look up at him. “Hm?”

He cleared his throat. “I still love you, Em. …I mean, not like that, but like – you know, like, I care about you and– ”

Emily smiled just the tiniest bit. “I still love you, too.”

When they eventually separated, Matt offered to accompany her inside to get her things. And so they went back inside together, and Emily said her goodbyes to everyone. To her surprise, Ashley asked for her phone number to keep in touch. _Life’s too short, you know?_ she said. A typical Mom-ism, Emily thought to herself as she nevertheless agreed and exchanged numbers with her.

It must have been obvious to everyone that she’d been crying, but thankfully no one commented on it. Sam quietly hugged her and thanked her for coming, telling Em she’d love to have lunch with her again sometime. Sarah smiled warmly at Emily and told her it was nice to meet her, which Emily reciprocated.

She was tempted to pass Mike without another word, but when she drew near him she couldn’t help but say something.

“Thank you for the apology, Michael. Maybe I hate you a little less now.”

He responded at first with widened eyes, and then with a smile. _Thanks, Em. Maybe I’ll see you around._

Maybe he would.


	5. Last Stop: This Town

There was no way in hell Emily was taking her car into the neighborhood Matt had described. As much as public transportation revolted her, she figured it was the best option for not coming back to a car with no tires, or to no car at all. So she and Matt met up at a bus stop not too far from his hotel and boarded the first bus to Lincoln Heights.

The bus reeked of oil and body odor. It was all Emily could do not to gag as she took a seat in the far back. Matt sat down beside her. “Ugh, buses are so disgusting,” Em muttered under her breath.

“It’s not a long ride. You’ll live.”

“You don’t know that. The stench might kill me.”

Thankfully it wasn’t too crowded at this time of the morning. No one sat too close to them. As soon as the bus was in motion, Emily said, “So tell me about Jess. You said you would.”

He fumbled a bit. “You, uh, sure you don’t want to just–”

“No. Tell me now.”

“Okay, fine.” Matt’s voice was low, barely a murmur. “What I meant by her ‘situation’ is that…she’s an addict.”

Emily felt her spine lock. “What’s she addicted to?”

“Heroin.”

“Oh my God, what?!” Emily responded louder than she meant to. Matt quickly shushed her.

“She doesn’t leave her apartment. I guess she needed something to keep living for. Or a way to forget things.”

“So she chose _that_?!”

“Well, see, what I was saying about her roommates was that they’re in the same situation. They’re both addicts, too. It was probably real easy for her to get started.”

“Okay, so you – you’ve been talking to her all these years, and you just…didn’t do anything about this? Didn’t try to get her clean? Didn’t try to get her to leave her fucking apartment? That’s a pathetic fucking life!”

Matt quieted her again. “Emily, you can’t _make_ someone get clean. Trust me, I tried. They have to want to do it themselves. And I tried to get her to come outside too, to get her back in touch with the real world. She can’t. Not the way she is now.”

“Once she and I are on good terms again, all that is going to change.” Emily straightened her spine, meeting Matt eye-to-eye.

“You can’t expect to just barge into her life like that and make everything great again.” Matt shook his head. “She’s delicate. And no offense Em, but you’re kind of a bull in a china shop when it comes to delicate situations.”

“Maybe she _needs_ a bull in her life. Not a bunch of pushovers and enablers.”

Matt’s jaw clenched. He looked as if he were about to say something, but he opted not to.

“What happened to Mike?” she continued. “He supposedly loved her so much. How did he let her get like this?”

“She told me he used to come by, but it got to be less and less often as time went on. I guess eventually he just stopped showing up altogether.”

“Of course. Mister Representative would never want to be seen hanging out in the slums.” Emily crossed her arms and turned to look out the window. Not that there was much scenery to take in, unless you were fond of dilapidated buildings and empty lots full of garbage. How was this the same city she called home? And how had Jessica, pampered princess Jessica, ended up living in this putrid place?

_Heroin..._ Emily wasn’t exceptionally knowledgeable about drugs, but she knew that was a bad one. Possibly one of the worst. You didn’t turn to that kind of drug for fun or to liven up a party. It was the kind you reached for when you had nothing else in your life.

The bus hit a massive pothole, sending Emily crashing into Matt. Luckily he wasn’t fazed by her light impact. She murmured an apology anyway. He waved it off.

She wished she could have brought her purse. There was probably something in there that could detract from the silent awkwardness of the ride, and at least momentarily take her thoughts off Jessica’s situation.

She slipped her phone from her jeans pocket. “Put that away,” Matt immediately whispered. “Or it’s gonna get grabbed right outta your hand.”

Rolling her eyes, Emily put it away.

The bus stop couldn’t come any quicker, but at the same time Emily found herself feeling a little nauseous once they reached it. This was it. After ten long years, she was finally going to see Jessica again.

Despite living in L.A. her entire life, Emily had never even set foot in this part of it. It was a filthy little shithole, a dark alley in the big, bright city. She’d donned her most “casual” clothes – her favorite Versace jeans, a slouchy white Armani tee, and a pair of designer flats whose brand name marker had worn off. “Do I blend in?” she asked Matt as they stepped off the bus and onto the sidewalk.

“Oh yeah.” Matt pulled the brim of his cap low, partially obscuring his face. “Right in.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She trotted after him as he hurried down the street.

He paused just long enough to let her catch up. “Just keep your head down, eyes on the ground, and keep walking. Don’t look at anybody.”

“What? Why?”

“Just trust me, okay? I’ve been here before. I know how to get in and out safe.”

Emily reluctantly followed his lead, trying to squelch her usual saunter in favor of a slouched shuffle.

“The people here aren’t necessarily dangerous,” Matt murmured as they walked, “but some of ‘em, you know, they’re desperate. They’re looking for people who don’t look like they belong here. The folks who live in these parts pretty much have nothing, and they know that. Oblivious outsiders are their best shot.”

“How many times have you been here?” Emily asked.

Matt tucked his hands into his pockets. “A bunch.”

“Even after you moved to San Francisco?”

“Yeah.”

**_He_** _managed to keep in touch with Jessica,_ she internally berated herself. _You told yourself you’d fix your friendship with her. But you let it go because it was ‘too hard’. You’re living in the same city!_

Matt stopped in front of a decaying stoop. “This is it.”

Emily followed him up the broken steps and into the graffiti-and-dirt-stained building. The place was falling apart, inside and out. “Do we…check in, or something?” she asked, eyeing an abandoned front desk with a phone on it.

“Nah.” Matt headed straight for the stairwell, through a doorway to the poorly-lit staircase.

“This place is horrible,” Em whispered. Matt nodded, but didn’t say anything. He stopped on the second floor and pushed open the heavy, rusting metal door. A few chips of its blue paint fell off. Emily stepped around them.

“She’s in apartment nineteen.” Matt strode to the end of the hall, apparently knowing exactly where apartment nineteen was. Emily followed him. Sure enough, the door he’d stopped at had a rusty metal ‘19’ hanging over it.

Matt knocked on the door. There was no answer for several moments. Then the door crept open a few inches.

“Who are you?” a girl’s voice inquired from within.

“Hey Camila. It’s Matt.” He leaned forward to give the inquirer a clearer view.

The door opened wider. A tan-skinned girl with red-streaked brown hair stood in the doorway. She immediately nodded at Emily. “Who’s this?”

“I’m an old friend of Jessica’s.” Emily tried to peer in around the girl. The girl moved into her way.

“Jess is busy right now. Come back later.”

“What is she ‘busy’ doing?” Emily stepped toward the girl. The girl instantly shifted into a combative stance.

“Em,” Matt warned, “back off.”

“Fuck off. I want to see Jess.”

“I told you, she’s fucking busy.”

“Well when will she be _available_?”

The girl glanced back inside. “I don’t know. Prob’ly like twenty minutes?”

“Would you mind if we waited inside?” Matt asked gently.

The girl seemed to consider it. “If you’re _totally_ quiet,” she eventually said.

They crept inside. The girl closed the door softly behind them and locked it. Emily reached for her shoes. “No, keep ‘em on,” Matt said.

The place was a mess. Empty bottles and assorted garbage littered the floor and the end tables by the dingy couch. The windows were drawn shut with ratty curtains. Only the weak, yellowed light of a small end table lamp (there were two lamps, but one was not on and appeared broken) prevented the place from being cast into total darkness. Somebody’s paper plate with picked-over old food on it was sitting on one armrest of the couch. Before they sat down Emily picked it up with two fingers and tried not to make a face as she set it down near the broken lamp.

“So where’s Alicia?” Matt whispered to the girl as he sat down beside Emily.

“At work,” the girl responded.

“Oh, she got the job?”

“Yeah.”

Emily looked around, paying their small talk little mind. The apartment was so grimy, and it gave off such an aura of hopelessness. She couldn’t imagine being confined to this place.

As she shifted in her seat, her shoe landed on something round, like a pen. She glanced down and paled a little. There was a hypodermic needle sticking out from under the couch. _Okay, I guess that’s why Matt told me to keep my shoes on._

They waited for what felt like an eternity, though it was probably only about fifteen minutes. Then a door to another room swung open, and a woman…

_Holy shit._

It took Emily several long seconds to realize the woman was Jess. Her hair, no longer the bleached-blonde it had been dyed for years, had faded back to its natural light brown, and was pulled into a sloppy ponytail. She was dressed in nothing but a racerback bra and boyshorts and God, she was so fucking scrawny! She looked like a living skeleton.

“Jess, put some clothes on,” the girl called out to her. “You got visitors.”

Jessica turned toward them, seemingly just noticing their presence. Her usual warm green eyes were glassy and a little unfocused, and from what Emily could see her pupils were practically non-existent. “Oh, hold on,” she said before she disappeared back into the room.

Emily looked over at Matt. He didn’t seem fazed by her appearance, indicating it wasn’t anything new.

“I’ll get out of here,” the girl that had let them in, Camila, piped up. “Have fun with Jess.” She grabbed a worn-out-looking purse and strolled out of the apartment.

Jessica returned moments later, in a fluffy pink robe that looked as if it had seen better days. She wandered over to where they sat waiting. Emily noticed she still walked with a crookedness to her gait. Her wounded leg must never have healed properly. And as she got closer, Em could see the faded scars down the left side of her face.

Jessica smiled a slow, wide smile when she saw Matt. Her teeth were golden yellow. “Hiiii Matt!” Her words were as slow and lazy as her smile. “Did you tell me you were coming? If you did then I guess I forgot.”

“No, I was just around and I figured I’d drop by.” He nodded to Emily. “Look who came to see ya.”

Emily couldn’t even fake amicability. She stared blankly at Jessica, trying to think of something to say.

It seemed to take Jess a minute to realize who she was looking at. “Oh my God.” She plunked herself down on the couch next to Em and looked her up and down. “Emily.”

“…Hi, Jess.” Guilt gnawed at her insides. Jessica looked like shit. Would she have ended up this way if Emily hadn’t abandoned her? “It’s…been a while.”

Jessica leaned against her shoulder. “I missed you. Where have you been all this time?”

“Jess, I’m so sorry,” she blurted. “I shouldn’t have abandoned you like I did. I just…didn’t know what to do…I felt like I couldn’t help you and I just…”

“Em,” Matt spoke up, “Don’t bother with a full explanation. She’s high as fuck.”

“Ma-att!” Jess reached over and weakly slapped his arm. “You’re not supposed to _tell_ anybody.”

“Well she was gonna find out anyway.”

Jess sighed. “Yeah, I _guess_ so.” She shifted her slightly unfocused gaze back to Emily. “So what have you been up to? It’s been a long time and, uh, I guess you know what _I’ve_ been up to.”

“Oh, I…” Emily searched for a simplistic answer. “I work a lot. I live alone. That’s it, really.”

“Where do you live?”

“Coldwater Canyon.”

“Oh, that’s a rich neighborhood, isn’t it?” Jessica laughed. “You still have a whole lot of money?”

Emily cleared her throat. “Um, yeah.”

Jessica swung one leg over Emily’s and pulled herself up onto Em’s lap. Emily weakly attempted to push her off, but she was distracted by how astoundingly light Jess was. It felt like there was nearly nothing to her at all.

“So did you come here to save me from myself? To sweep me off my feet and dress me up like a pretty little whore?” She swung her hips against Emily’s lap. Emily pushed her away. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Jess, chill,” Matt said.

Emily’s first instinct was to push Jess off, but truthfully she was terrified to touch her. She seemed so fragile. So breakable.

“Have you ever seen the movie Pretty Woman?” Jessica grinned. “It’s old, but I’ve been watching a lot of movies these days. Anyway, have you seen it?”

“No.” Emily shifted, hoping to give Jess the hint to get off her. Jess didn’t take it.

“Oh, well it’s about this rich guy who falls in love with a skanky poor girl. He pays for new clothes for her and gets to act fancy and rich like him. And, uh…I don’t really remember the rest. I was kind of nodding through it.”

“Jess, come on, get off her.” Matt nodded to the spot on the couch where the girl they’d first encountered had been sitting.

“Fiiiine.” She climbed off Emily’s lap and settled onto the couch.

“So is this what you do all day?” Emily asked, trying not to let her disgust creep into her tone too strongly. “Just hang around watching old movies and – and shooting up?”

“I have a job.” Her response that time was actually a bit snippy.

Emily tried not to balk. “Doing what?”

“I work online, from here.”

“Doing…?”

Jessica shrugged. “Whatever people want me to do. That’s what I was doing when you two showed up.”

Emily quickly pieced together her dodgy responses. “Wait, are you talking about, like…camwhoring?”

“You’d be surprised how much guys will pay to be able to tell a random girl to take her clothes off. And some girls, too.” She shrugged again. “It’s a pretty good deal. I don’t have to actually fuck any of them, and I can choose my clients. And I don’t have to go outside.”

Surprising herself, Emily was a little bit impressed by that. Jess was a junkie and a shut-in, yet she managed to hold a “job” and support herself. That took at least some resolution.

“I guess I can respect that.” Emily crossed her arms. “But I gotta ask – just, why the drugs? Why _that_ drug? You could do so much better if you weren’t addicted to...”

“It keeps the monsters away.” Jessica flicked her pinprick pupils over to the nearby window.

“What monsters?”

“They show up when I’m sober. They watch me from the windows.”

Matt stayed quiet, even when Emily looked to him for an explanation.

“What…kind of monsters?”

Jessica didn’t answer.

“You’re not talking about…from the mountain…?” Emily had repressed the majority of her memories about that night, but occasionally she had dreams of a horrible, snarling creature with knife-like claws and teeth stalking her. Letting out an ungodly scream as it pounced at her.

Jessica nodded.

“Jess, there aren’t any of those things here in inner-city L.A. Even _they_ know better than to hang around places like this.”

“No, they – they watch me.” She scratched absently at her forearm. Emily noticed the skin in the area was broken, as if it were frequently picked at. “But they don’t come in. So I’m safe in here.”

“Jess, have you been keeping up with your visits with the…you know?” Matt spoke in a quiet tone. “That counselor who was coming by to help you?”

“No. She called me psychotic!” Jessica folded her arms. “Fuck her.”

“She didn’t mean it like that. I think she meant you literally have some kinda psychosis. That’s why you hallucinate.”

“I _don’t_ hallucinate. They’re real. You saw them.”

“Yeah, on the mountain. Not here.”

Jessica turned away. “I know what I’ve seen.”

They fell into an uncertain silence.

“Maybe we should get going,” Matt eventually said. “Today doesn’t seem like a real good–”

“No! You’re leaving already?” Jessica grabbed Emily by the sleeve. “Please…please stay…”

Em could feel that same gnawing guilt she’d felt ten years ago – and that same selfish desire to get away from it. It would be so easy. Jessica couldn’t follow her. The second she set foot outside the apartment there would be nothing Jess could do about it.

_No. I’m not running away again._

Emily reached out and took Jessica’s cold, clammy hands in hers. “…I’ll stay. I’m sorry, Jess.”

Jess had a look to her. “Sorry for what?”

Emily knew that look. She wanted Emily to elaborate. She wanted to get the full experience of the rare Emily Apology. “For abandoning you? For letting you fall into _this_?” Em gestured at the piles of garbage heaped all over the dirty furniture.

“…Thank you,” Jess eventually replied. “But you didn’t _let_ me do anything, Em. I did this to myself. And I did…so much worse to other people. Being miserable makes me feel less guilty about that.”

“Jess, we all did terrible things. You can’t punish yourself forever.”

Jessica scratched at her arm some more. “Whatever. I don’t want to talk about that…too complicated.” She laughed a little, though it sounded hollow. Then she latched on to Emily’s arm once more. “Talk about something else.”

“So, uh, have you seen any other good movies lately?” Matt asked her.

Jess tapped her chin lazily. “Hmmmmmmm. Oh, I watched one about a dog. It was funny. I don’t remember the name of it, though. And I fell asleep halfway through it.”

“You know, maybe I could help you clean this place up.” Emily hopped up off the couch. Matt might have been content to act like nothing was wrong, but _she_ wasn’t. Jessica didn’t deserve to live in squalor.

“Who cares?” Jessica flopped over onto Emily’s now-vacant couch seat. “Every time you clean it up it just gets messy again.”

“Where do you keep your trash bags?”

“Ughhh.” Jessica lifted a bony arm and pointed to a small closet by the door. “Such a freaking go-getter. You haven’t changed at all, Em.”

“Matt, will you help me?” Emily pinned him with a stare that she hoped was undeniable.

“Yeah, sure.” He got up and joined her by the closet door.

“Meh. You two are both a couple of big bores.” Jessica yawned and stretched as she watched them tear through the messy closet.

 

* * *

 

It was amazing how much better the tiny apartment looked after a little cleaning. Just a single trash bag full of garbage made the place look – and smell – about a hundred times better.

Jessica had fallen asleep on the couch, leaving Matt and Emily to do all the work. Emily didn’t mind too much. Matt’s company didn’t bother her as much as she’d thought it might. They worked in a quiet, comfortable silence, occasionally asking one another to hold open the bag or making grossed-out noises when they picked up something especially disgusting.

After a while, however, Matt asked her, “So how come you haven’t dated anyone in ten years?”

Emily stopped what she was doing for a moment. “…I don’t know. Haven’t met any guys worth dating, I guess.”

“That’s probably for the best. You don’t wanna end up stuck with the wrong person.”

Emily carefully picked up a needle and dropped it into a styrofoam takeout box before throwing the closed container away. She wasn’t sure you were supposed to throw hypodermic needles in the trash, but shit, what else was she going to do with the dozens of them she was finding? “So how long have you been married?” she decided to ask him, in return for his personal question.

“’Bout a year.”

“Only a year?” For some reason that answer bothered her. It was so recent. If they’d met up again just a year earlier, maybe…

_But we didn’t. So that’s the end of that._

“Yeah. She pushed me for a long time, though. She’d been wanting to settle down for years.”

Emily decided to dig a little deeper. “Who is ‘she’, anyway?”

“Her name’s Jenn. I met her in college.”

“What’s she like?”

Matt scooped up an armful of dirty clothes, and stuffed them in a laundry basket they’d found. “Well, she’s, uh…loud. Kinda stubborn. Actually _really_ stubborn. If she doesn’t want to do something we don’t do it. Even if it’s something I want to do.” The last sentence was quieter than the others, almost more of a mutter.

Emily frowned. “Sounds like kind of a–”

“Don’t say it.” Matt angled himself away from her. He busied himself with picking up some trash from the floor. “Please.”

“Okay. I won’t _say_ it.”

They cleaned for about half an hour total, stopping once Jessica woke up again. Emily noticed her pupils were slightly larger when she awoke, and her eyes in general appeared a little more clear and focused.

“Ugh.” Jess leaned one arm on the couch’s armrest, the other holding her head.

“We cleaned up a little.” Emily held up the stuffed trash bag. “Doesn’t the place look better now?”

Jessica turned toward her. As soon as she saw Emily she gasped. “Emily? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Um, I’ve _been_ –”

“I brought her along to visit you,” Matt stepped in. “Turns out she’s been looking for you for a while. We got back in touch just yesterday, and I told her she could come with me to see you.”

Jessica shook her head back and forth. “No, no, no. I didn’t want anyone else to see me. I mean, look at me. I’m…”

She gestured to her body. Emily wasn’t sure if she was referring to her sickly scrawniness, the blotches all over her arms, or the fact that she was in nothing but an open pink bathrobe and undergarments.

“Jess, I don’t care about that. Seriously.” Emily took a cautious step toward her. “I want to help you. I know I left you for a long time but…I want my best friend back.”

She wasn’t usually so forthright with her more vulnerable emotions. But upon seeing Jessica again, personal pride no longer felt so all-important.

Jessica took a look around. “You guys did make this place look a lot better.” She sat up, seemingly with great reluctance, and lumbered over to them. “I thought you hated me, Emily.”

“No. Don’t you remember? We made up. We were gonna be friends again.”

“But then you stopped talking to me.”

Emily’s shoulders drooped. “I know. I was immature. Instead of helping you, I pulled away because I couldn’t handle it. But now I’m older. I didn’t realize until Matt told me he knew where you were just how much I missed you. And, God, I fucking missed you.”

Jessica stared at her in silence for a long time. Emily stared back, attempting to hide the slight quivering to her lower lip. Then, beating Emily to it, Jessica’s eyes filled with the start of two large tears.

“I hate my life, Em.” Her voice cracked as the tears began to spill over. “Everyone else abandoned me. Mike…almost all our old friends…I’m all alone and I can’t leave the house because if I leave the monsters will get me and I…I…”

She broke down into bone-wracking sobs. Emily uncertainly reached for her. Jess practically collapsed into her arms, the entirety of her dainty weight leaning on Em for support as she wept.

“Jessica,” Emily murmured, “I want to help you. Our old group got together for a reunion yesterday, and Sam wanted to invite you. She just couldn’t find you. She wanted you to be there, though. She didn’t give up on you.”

“She would if she saw me now.”

“No she wouldn’t. You know Sam. She’s a mom friend. She’d want to help you, too.”

“…Is she still like that?” Jess quietly asked.

“Oh yeah. Which is funny, because I guess she has no plans of having kids. Unlike Chris and Ashley, who keep pumping out babies…”

“Chris and Ashley have kids?” Jessica lifted her head from Emily’s chest. Her eyes held just a twinkle of curiosity in them. True to her nature, she was apparently still a gossip hound at heart.

“Yeah.” Emily’s voice took on a note of its old devilishness. “And Ashley got _faaat_.”

Matt cast her a disapproving look. Jess, however, was eating it up. “Oh my God, really?”

“Yup. Also, Sam’s apparently a lesbian and she’s got a _super_ lesbian haircut. I mean, it suits her, but–”

“I knew Sam was a lesbian already.”

“You did?”

A ghost of a smile appeared briefly on Jess’ lips. “Oh yes. I knew that… _very_ well.”

Now that she thought back to it, Em could remember Sam and Jess making out at a few parties. She’d always assumed they were just drunk.

“Was Mike there?” Jess asked.

Emily took a moment to respond. “Yeah.”

Jessica’s smile faded. “Way back then, he saved me…but then afterwards he abandoned me.”

“He’s a jerk, Jess. He doesn’t deserve you.” She felt as if they were back in their school days, talking heartbreaks and boosting each other up in the wake of each one.

“That’s not true. _I_ don’t deserve _him_. He probably would have stayed if I had gotten my shit together. But I didn’t, and so he moved on to bigger and better things.” Jess glanced over at a beat-up television set in the far corner of the room. “I see his commercials on TV every time there’s an election. He looks so good. Not like me.”

“Man, he looks like every other white dude politician out there,” Matt said. “With that big fake kiss-ass smile.”

Emily couldn’t help letting a giggle escape her at Matt’s random outburst. “You still hate him, huh?”

Matt averted his eyes. “He hurt two people I care about a lot. Pretty hard not to.”

Jessica detached herself from Emily. “Mike couldn’t help me. I don’t think you can, Emily. I’m sorry.”

“Oh I’m gonna help you. You’re gonna make progress with me around and I’m going to make _sure_ of that.”

Jessica stared blankly at her. Finally she said, “You really haven’t changed at all, Em.”

“So you know what you’re in for.”

“Okay. Try to save me then, if you really think you can.”

At that moment Matt’s phone started buzzing. He pulled it out and checked it. “Shit. Hold on.” He stepped out of the apartment and closed the door partway.

As soon as he answered the call Emily immediately heard a tinny woman’s voice yelling through the speaker. _Yeah, I’m leaving soon,_ Matt said in response to it. _No, I was just – no. I’m – I’m at the hotel. …What? I…that thing must be wrong. Must be glitched or – no, no, I’m not. I swear._

Jess and Emily exchanged a look. “His wife doesn’t like it when he’s here,” Jess whispered.

A moment later he stepped back inside. “Em, I gotta get going. You can stay, but if you don’t want to bus outta here alone…”

“Why does your wife not like you being here?” Em asked.

Matt exhaled. “Oh, I have no clue why she doesn’t like the idea of me driving five and a half hours to visit a female friend of mine that she’s never met. Alone.”

“Well okay, when you put it like _that_ …”

Jessica sighed. “So you’re both leaving right now?”

No way was Emily going to traverse this neighborhood alone. “Sorry, Jess. I don’t know my way around this place at all.”

Matt waited by the door, his eyes downcast. Neither he nor Emily wanted to leave. That much was obvious.

Jessica followed Emily to the door. “I wish I could go with you,” she said in a small voice.

“You could.” Emily shrugged, fixing her with a challenging stare.

Jessica hesitated, almost as if she were thinking about it.

“There aren’t any monsters out there,” Emily continued. “If there were they would’ve gotten me and Matt. Especially Matt, since he’s been here so many times.”

“…Maybe…”

Emily took Jessica by one scrawny wrist. “Why don’t you just _try_ taking a step outside? We’ll be right here with you.”

“Em, don’t push her,” Matt said.

Jessica looked down at Emily’s hand, prompting Emily to do the same. The difference in their skin tones had never been extremely noticeable, but these days Jessica was so pale her fleshed seemed almost transparent in places. Emily’s skin, by contrast, was warm with careful exposure to the sunlight Jess avoided like death.

“Okay,” Jess said. “I’ll try it.”

“Jess, are you sure?” Matt said.

Jess was looking only at Emily. “I’m going to try.”

With obvious reluctance, Matt opened the apartment door for them. Emily felt a weak pressure in her palm as Jessica squeezed it.

“Do you usually go into the rest of the building?” Emily asked her as they took a joined step toward the door.

“Sometimes.”

“Okay. So that’s not a problem, then.”

Jessica swallowed. “Yeah, no…it’s…fine.”

Matt led the way to the outside corridor. Jess clung to Emily as she strolled slowly down the hall.

“You doing okay so far?” Matt hung back to ask her.

“You don’t need to baby her.”

“I’m okay,” Jess said. “Thank you.”

Emily increased the pace a bit, now practically dragging Jessica along. She didn’t want to give her any extra time to potentially be psyched out, especially with Matt constantly prodding her for her mental status. _I’m **going** to help her. She needs me._

They took the stairs a little slower. Matt reached the bottom first, and held the rusting stairwell door open for the two girls.

As they neared the apartment building’s main entrance, Jessica dragged her heels a little. Matt apparently noticed her slight change in enthusiasm. “You don’t have to do this,” he whispered to her. “Nobody’s gonna judge you if you can’t.”

By that point Jess was gripping Em’s hand so tightly Emily could feel her fingers starting to tingle with numbness. “No, I’m – I’m okay. It’s like Emily said. The monsters haven’t hurt you guys, so m-maybe they won’t hurt me either.”

“That’s not what I said. I said there were no monsters at _all_.”

Matt opened the front door just the tiniest bit. Jessica winced as a thin ray of muted sunlight settled over her. She froze about six feet from the doorway.

“Just one step.” Emily gave her arm a light tug. She didn’t budge. “You don’t even have to go out onto the street. Just the front stoop.”

Jessica’s hands began to shake, and Emily felt her palm moisten with sweat that was not her own. Jess’ breaths came in short, fitful bursts as she attempted to take a step forward.

“That’s it, come on,” Emily prompted. “The Jessica _I_ know would _never_ want to be cut off from the rest of the world like this. She lives for being social, for having fun nights out and stuff.”

Matt opened the door just a little wider. Jessica’s right foot landed one tiny step closer to it – and then something changed. Her eyes widened as she fixated on seemingly nothing outside. She stumbled backward, nearly falling in her haste to scramble away from the doorway. “NO! NO!!” she started screaming. “It’s out there! If I get too close to the door it’s gonna, it’s gonna grab me and pull me out!” Fully shrieking now, she pinned herself against the far wall by the stairwell. “Please close the door oh God please, please!”

Matt slammed the door as quick as he could. Once it was shut Jess sank to her knees. Tears leaked down both her cheeks, splashing onto the dirty rug beneath her.

Matt was immediately at her side. “It’s okay, Jess. You’re safe. You’re safe. God, I knew we shouldn’t have tried that.”

Emily bristled. “Well how was _I_ supposed to know she’d react like–”

Jess hugged herself tightly. “It was there,” she managed to say through fits of sobs. “It was there. It was there.”

Matt reached out and gingerly touched her right shoulder. Jessica tensed. “It’s okay. It’s not gonna get you in here, remember? You’re safe.”

Jessica lifted her reddened eyes to Emily. “I’m s-sorry Em…I can’t do it…I just…can’t…”

Emily’s immediate, gut emotional reaction was anger – not at Jessica, but at herself. _Great job, Em. Once again your presence in someone’s life just makes everything worse._ Attempting to bury that anger, Emily crouched beside Jess and patted her arm. “Don’t be sorry. I’ll – I’ll figure something out. This was just day one.”

Jess swallowed audibly. “You really still think you can help me?”

Truthfully Em had very little confidence that she could help _anyone_. But Jessica needed her. If she could help Jess, then she would prove to herself that she wasn’t a total waste of skin. Or at least maybe she’d start to believe that.

“Yes,” she replied, “I do. Maybe not today, but…” Emily offered Jess her hand. After a long deliberation, Jessica accepted it. Emily stood up, and pulled Jess to her feet in the process. “I’m gonna make a list or something. A goal list. And the next time I visit you we’re going to work to start checking things off.”

“O-okay.” Jessica sniffed. “Be careful out there, Emily…Matt…please…”

“We will.” Matt hugged Jessica’s frail form gently to his massive frame. Jess wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes for a brief moment. As soon as Matt released her she went straight for Emily, doing the same thing. Emily felt a small lump begin to form in her throat as Jess wrapped her scarred, emaciated arms around her neck. Her cheek brushed Emily’s for just a moment – long enough to spark some old memories Em was convinced she’d buried. Their special monthly sleepovers as kids, where the guest would pretend they were going to sleep on the other person’s couch or in a sleeping bag, then once it was time for bed they would crawl under the covers together and whisper, giggle, and cuddle until they fell asleep. She remembered Jessica’s silky skin brushing up against hers, just like now. Back then she had reveled in touching her beautiful, soft best friend. Now Jessica’s skin was rougher, more hardened. Maybe Em’s own skin now felt like that, too.

“…Let’s get going,” Emily said to Matt as she detached herself from Jessica. “Don’t want your wife getting any madder at you.”

Matt was watching Jess with thinly-veiled concern in his eyes. She waved him off, rubbing the last of her tears from her eyes. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “You should go.”

Jessica stayed far back when they opened the door, but she did not leave. In fact, her wide, hollow stare followed Emily seemingly the entire trip home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to anyone who made it through this mammoth (in terms of both length and content) of a chapter. This chapter alone took me several months to tweak to what I considered satisfactory to release, and is actually the reason why this fic was never published when it was first written back in September. I'm of the mind that heavy topics like this should be handled very carefully, and I hope I've done so thus far.
> 
> Things have gotten quite dark for some of our kids, but all is not lost, especially not with Emily and her iron will now in the mix for Matt and Jessica.
> 
> See you next week for the next chapter! As always, comments are greatly, GREATLY appreciated and I will answer every one personally.


	6. An Evening with El Diablo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternately titled "Emily Makes Bad Decisions"

_I fucked up._

Emily sat slumped at her dining room table, her head on her forearms. Rin sat at the opposite end of the table, her rat-like tail swishing as she waited for her master to pay her some attention. Unfortunately Emily was in no mood for playing with her cat.

She pulled her head off her arms just long enough to reach over to the bottle of cheap Smirnoff cherry vodka she’d picked up on the way home and take a swig straight from it. It was as disgusting as she’d expected. She took another drink anyway.

Jessica was miserable. Matt seemed miserable. And her re-entrance into their lives just seemed to make things even worse. As usual. _I’m just a poison in everyone else’s lives._

She hated this house. How cold and empty it was. She hated that she’d tried to pick a Modern and Fashionable white-walls-black-furniture-large-windows aesthetic that ended up feeling nothing but soulless and devoid of personality. Sam’s home was brimming with life. With love. There were things inside it that clashed with one another, like mismatched furniture sets and styles that were obviously from multiple different designer visions – and yet it worked. Sam’s home was strangely beautiful.

Yet again Emily had chosen sterile aesthetic appeal over warmth and comfort. It seemed an inescapable pattern in her life.

She took another gulp of Smirnoff. It burned all the way down.

Her phone was on the table, just a few inches from her extended arm. She stretched her fingers and managed to drag it back toward herself.

**Sam?** she texted, not bothering with formalities.

A minute later Sam responded. **Yes?**

Em took another, slower sip of her drink, letting it sit in her mouth for a moment before swallowing it. She could feel it starting to hit her a little. **What’s Mike’s number**

It took Sam a minute to respond. When she did, she texted back a phone number and nothing else.

**Thanks** , Emily wrote back anyway. She touched the number. When the ‘call’ option popped up, she tapped it.

_I hate myself._

Mike answered on the third ring. “Hello?” His tone was brisk and professional. He didn’t know who was calling him.

“It’s Emily,” Em said bluntly.

“Oh. Hey!” He immediately dropped the professionalism. “How’d you get my number? Not that I mind–”

“Are you free tonight?”

That seemed to throw him off for a beat. “Oh, um, I should be…I think I am…why?”

“Do you want to come over? Maybe around 8?”

“Uh, nine would probably be better, but yeah, sure–”

“Okay, well there’s a chance I might be passed out by nine.” Hell, there was a chance she might be passed out in the next hour if she kept up at her current rate.

“…Eight can probably work,” Mike conceded.

“Good.” She took another swig. “I’ll text you my address. Bring a condom, or it’s no deal.”

“Okay. Yeah, definitely. I definitely will. Um, see you then, Emily.”

“Yeah.”

She hung up, then gulped down another mouthful. _I really hate myself._

 

* * *

 

Her alarm clock the next morning might as well have been a jackhammer in Emily’s ears. As she slowly regained consciousness, she realized she was boiling hot. She tried to pull her blanket off, only to find herself pinned by something – an arm.

She turned over in her queen bed. Sure enough, there was Mike. Having apparently slept right through Em’s alarm clock, his toned arms were wrapped intimately around her waist. He appeared to still be naked. Upon a momentary inspection under the covers, Emily noticed that she was as well.

If someone were to show young Emily a snapshot of her future, she sure as hell hoped it wouldn’t be one of her naked and hungover in bed with her ex. Christ, she didn’t even want to think about it at her current age.

She wished she could blame this awful decision on the vodka. But the alcohol had only given her the bull-headed confidence to go through with what she’d already decided before she even bought the drink.

The bedroom still smelled of sex. Em could feel a slickness between her legs, that gross morning feeling when you didn’t clean things up afterward. Thankfully she’d been with it enough to insist Mike wear a condom, and the idiot was just sober enough to manage to actually get it on, so the wetness that lingered down there was all her own.

For a form of drunken self-punishment, the sex had been surprisingly nice. Relaxing, almost. Mike knew exactly how and where to push all a girl’s buttons. Em knew she could just lie back and let him do his thing – namely, driving her to a mind-blowing climax. And he did not fail to deliver.

What she enjoyed perhaps the most of all, though, was the fact that she knew she wasn’t a toxin in Mike’s life. He wasn’t pissing off any significant other of his by visiting her, and she didn’t feel she was likely to drive him to a mental breakdown because of her inability to accept not being able to save people from themselves. No, he was just as single and just as mentally sound – she hoped – as her. He was probably just about as toxic, too. Maybe together they canceled each other out.

She wiggled a little tighter into his arms. The movement finally roused Mike from his hungover slumber. “…Mornin’, Em,” he murmured, stifling a yawn as he absently ran his fingers through her hair. The gesture sent a tingle through her, the same way it always had. _God, it’s been ten years and I’m just as pathetic as ever._

“Hey. I have to get ready for work.” She drew back from him and swung one bare leg over her side of the bed.

He stretched. “Yeah, me too. That was fun, though. We should get together more often.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Emily grabbed her bra and underwear off the floor by the nightstand and hurriedly threw them on.

“No?” Mike picked his own clothes off the floor on the other side of the bed. “Why not? We’re both single…in fact we’re the only ones from the old group that still are, seems like.”

So he had noticed. “That’s true, but it doesn’t mean I’m looking for a fuck buddy. I just needed it last night. That’s all.”

“Okay, fair enough.” He got up out of her bed and slipped on his boxers, pants, and shirt. He picked up the tie he’d worn as well, but simply pocketed it.

“You can shower here if you want, but then I need you out.” Emily folded her arms and nodded to her bathroom door.

“Nah, I don’t want to get in your way. I’ll just head home and get ready there.”

“Okay fine, whatever.” Emily tossed on a shirt and saw him to the front door. They paused for a moment in the doorway. Taking advantage of the pause, Mike leaned in and planted a light kiss on Emily’s lips. Emily felt her face flush.

“See you,” he said as he strolled out to his parked car.

Emily watched him walk away, two fingers lightly touching her lips.

 

* * *

 

She had to kick off the work day with a presentation to her inferiors. And what a presentation to be giving that day – a talk on moving the company’s vision forward while she was hungover from a drunken romp with her ex-boyfriend of over a decade ago. At present she didn’t seem like the best person to be advising others how to move on.

She couldn’t help but wonder if she was coming across differently to her senior advisor board – they were acting much more casual today. Several times they made derailing jokes and ended up getting off-topic. Emily half-heartedly told them to stop, but truthfully she felt like shit and was barely giving a coherent presentation anyway. By the time she was finished even she didn’t care what she was saying anymore.

As soon as the presentation was over she retreated to her office. She had a shitload of corporate e-mails to send out, and no energy to send a single one. She found herself instead sitting idly at her computer desk, thinking of all that had transpired over the weekend. Despite her “encounter” with Michael, her thoughts kept returning to Matt and Jess. Matt made time to travel nearly six hours to see Jess at least somewhat often, despite the fact that he was apparently moving up in the sports world and making something of himself. And he was so good to her. So gentle. Then there was Jess herself – her old best friend, who still held so many of Emily’s ancient secrets and memories. Their feud during their teenage years seemed a million miles away from where either of them was now. And despite everything, knowing Jessica was back in her life, even in a relatively minor facet, made Emily’s heart skip with joy more than she’d care to admit. Jessica. Her first and closest friend.

She wondered if Matt had feelings for Jess. It certainly seemed like it. Did Jessica return those feelings? Was _that_ why Matt went out of his way to visit and spend time with her? Why his wife absolutely hated him seeing her?

A pang of petty jealousy bit down on her exhausted, vulnerable heart. She wanted someone like that. Someone who could see her at her absolute worst and still have nothing but love and patience for her. Someone who knew all her old secrets, someone she could gossip with and prattle on to about any stupid thing.

She wished she could somehow smash Matt and Jess into one person and make them fall in love with her. Was that an admission of feelings for Jessica? She’d never been entirely sure how she felt about her, even when they were at their closest. Especially when Jess had come out to her as bisexual in their tween years, giving Emily’s confusing feelings a frightening potential in reality.

_God, my entire love life is a fucking mess._

Her phone started buzzing on the desk. Emily snatched it up. Incoming call from…Ashley? _Why the hell is **she** calling me?_

Ensuring her office door was tightly closed, Em reluctantly answered the call. “Hello?”

“Hi, Emily.” Ashley sounded more than a little nervous. “I’m sorry to bother you, are – are you free?”

“Not really. I’m at work.”

“Oh, crap. I’m sorry. I’ll call you later, then.”

“Hold on – what did you want?”

“You sure you can talk?”

Emily reclined in her office chair. “Just tell me what you want to tell me.”

“Okay, um, I was wondering if we could meet somewhere and talk for a little while. I mean, if you can. I need to discuss something with someone, and I don’t have a lot of options.”

Emily snorted. “So I’m the last resort?”

“No! I don’t mean it like that! I mean – I have to explain it all for you to understand–”

Emily tapped her fingers on her desk. “Calm down, I don’t really care. Is it urgent?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“Kind of, or it is?”

There was a pause. “It is.”

Emily rolled her eyes, thankful Ashley couldn’t see her (not that she was big on concealing her emotions for other people’s sake anyway). “Where would you prefer to meet, then? If it’s not too far away I can probably do it tonight.”

“Would you mind coming over? I can make you dinner or something as leverage. I just don’t think I can get a sitter on such short notice, and…”

_You’re the one who wanted to arrange a meet-up in the first place._ Emily toyed with the hem of her blazer. “Okay. Text me your address and I’ll stop by after work.”

“Oh, thank you, Emily.” The relief was audible in Ashley’s voice. “I really, really appreciate this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Just text me the address. I have to go.”

“Sure, sure! Thanks again, Emily.” With that she disconnected.

A moment later Emily received a text with an L.A. address. Thankfully it wasn’t too far from her. Maybe a twenty minute ride. She hardly wanted to return to her own house anyway, so she decided she’d make the trip straight from work.


	7. Grandloves

Chris and Ashley’s house was similar to Sam’s in that it was cute and quaint, but unlike Sam’s their yard was full of toys and things to play on. There was a red soccer mom minivan parked out front. As Emily swung into the driveway beside it, her tire narrowly avoided crushing an action figure that lay face down on the pavement.

It seemed like a decent neighborhood. A flock of birds were darting around a birdfeeder in the neighboring yard, and a few squirrels scurried up a tree near the quiet street. As she got out of her car and neared the house she could hear muffled boys’ voices from inside.

As soon as she knocked on the front door, it yanked open. A strawberry-blonde boy pointed a Nerf gun at her. “INTRUDER!!” he yelled.

“Joshy!” Ashley appeared with a smaller strawberry-blonde boy at her side. The smaller boy looked like he’d been crying at some point. “Put that down!”

Josh looked over at his mother, then back at Emily. With great reluctance he lowered the gun. Emily exhaled. Foolish as it was, anyone yelling and pointing any kind of weapon or weapon-like object at her still shook her up inside.

“Sorry,” the boy mumbled as he hurried away. Ashley nodded at him as he disappeared deeper into the house. Then she set the other boy, who must have been Chris Junior, down. CJ ran off with his brother.

“Thank you so much for coming, Emily,” Ashley said once the boys were gone. “Can I get you anything to eat or drink? Coffee? Tea?”

“No, I’m good.” Emily followed her into a small kitchen/dining room combination. She gestured for Emily to sit at one of the four places at what Em assumed by all the ground-in food stains was their dining room table. Their furniture scheme was slightly more coherent than Sam’s “I probably buy everything at secondhand stores” aesthetic, but not by much.

“You sure? You don’t want a snack or anything?”

“A snack?” Emily sneered. “I’m not one of your kids, Ash.”

“Adults can have snacks,” Ashley replied, a little defensive.

“Okay, okay. I still don’t want anything, though. Just tell me what you wanted to tell me.”

Ashley walked over to the cabinets by the oven. Standing on her tip toes, she retrieved a small key from the top of the cabinets above the stove. She stuck the key into a properly small keyhole on a cabinet at the far end of the kitchen. Upon opening it she retrieved a bottle of some kind of cheap-looking Pinot Noir and a wine glass. She tipped the glass toward Emily in offering. Emily thought about it, but after remembering her industrial-strength hangover that morning she decided she didn’t feel up to any more alcohol consumption for a while. She politely refused.

Ashley set the glass on the table and poured herself a drink. Then she hastily put the bottle away, locking it tight and hiding the key once again. “Don’t want the boys getting into it,” she said as she sat down and picked up her glass.

“So you’re a wine mom.” Emily smirked. She wouldn’t have expected that from little goody-two-shoes Ashley.

“Not…all the time.” Ashley took a sip from the glass. “Just once in a while.”

She hadn’t made any attempt to explain to Emily why she’d begged her to come over. “So why did you rush me over here?” Emily asked again.

Ashley swirled the drink in her hand. “Oh, um…”

Emily leaned forward, waiting.

Ashley fidgeted a little, clearly uncomfortable under Emily’s stare. “I…”

“Jesus, spit it out.”

Ashley winced. “I’m so sorry. I just – I really needed someone to talk to.”

“So you chose me.”

“Honestly, I don’t really have anyone else to turn to. I need to talk to someone from the old group. I never really knew Matt or Mike all that well, not well enough to drop something like this on them anyway, and…I don’t trust Sam about this.”

“Wait, you don’t trust Sam?” That was a first. Everybody seemed to like Sam, at least from what Emily saw. “Why not?”

Ashley sipped at her wine, dragging out her answer. “Chris said he’s staying late at work tonight,” she eventually said.

“Okay…”

Ashley knitted her fingers together. “That’s not too unusual for him, but ever since the reunion he’s been acting…strange. He won’t stop talking about old stuff. A lot of it about Josh.”

Emily waited for her to elaborate before putting forth one of her many opinions.

“All day yesterday he was saying stuff like, ‘I just wish we knew for sure what happened to him’ and ‘I wish we could go back and find out for sure’. Then he asked me a couple of times, ‘Do you think he’s still up there?’ No matter what I said in response he’d ask the same question again a little while later. He never seemed satisfied with my answers.”

“Well Sam _did_ bring him up to Chris,” Em said. “He’s probably on his mind now. You sure he wasn’t gay for him or something? Because what Sam said–”

“No, he wasn’t. I know he wasn’t. That’s not my concern.” Ashley tilted her head, seemingly listening for something. They heard footsteps tromping around upstairs. Apparently satisfied with that, Ashley continued. “Emily, this might sound a little crazy, but hear me out, okay? You’re the only one I can trust to be brutally honest with me.”

“You want brutal honesty?” Emily sat back and smirked. “Okay. I can give you that.”

“All right.” Ashley took a deep breath. “It seems weird to me that Sam just brought the Josh thing up out of the blue. I mean, I know it was a reunion, but would _you_ tell someone you hadn’t really spoken to in years that their best friend who died ten years ago was in love with them? Like, it’s just sad and painful. Why would you bring it up? Especially when the person’s wife is right there?” She gestured at herself.

“Well _I_ wouldn’t do that, but you know Sam. She’s always been awkward as fuck.”

“Okay. Now listen to this. I’m not usually the type to do this, I swear – I-I usually trust Chris a hundred percent. But since he started acting so weird, I – well we have this app through our phone carrier that lets you check all the calls and texts that have been made in the month. You can’t read the texts or anything, but you can see who the calls were to and from. Today after he left for work I checked it. Yesterday, while I was out with the boys at the playground, he made an hour-long phone call to Sam.”

“So you think he’s cheating on you with Sam or something?” Emily honestly had no idea where Ash was going with this at all. “Because I’m _pretty_ sure Sam’s a lesbian–”

“Emily, it’s not like that.” Ashley exhaled. “I’m not worried about him cheating on me, or being gay. I’m thinking about…something else.  Look at the big picture. Sam was super enthusiastic to get us all back together. When we get there we meet her wife, whom I honestly thought was Hannah for like, a full minute, she looked _that_ much like her. Then Sam drops that random bomb about Josh on Chris. Chris starts acting really weird, and then they talk – in secret – for over an hour.”

Emily stared blankly at her.

“Emily,” Ashley whispered, “What if Sam never got over what happened, and she’s trying to get us all to go back there or something? I mean, Hannah was her best friend, and Josh was a pretty close second. What if she’s still stuck on it and wants to go back, but not alone? It would make sense that she’d try to reconnect us all before trying something like that. Don’t you think?”

Emily wasn’t sure what to say. It was all so out of the blue, and not at all what she had expected to be discussing. She hadn’t come prepared for a conversation like this.

“In your brutally honest opinion,” Ashley concluded, “do you think there’s a chance I could be on to anything here? Or do you think I’m just being paranoid?”

Emily thought it over for a minute. People rarely _asked_ for her opinion. She didn’t want to waste the opportunity by blurting out something half-baked.

“All right,” she eventually replied, “here’s my opinion. It _is_ a little weird that Sam’s married to a Hannah lookalike, and she got touchy about it when Matt and I pointed out the resemblance. The Josh comment was strange. And I noticed it seemed like she was kind of pushing Matt and I together, almost like she wanted to give us both a reason to be invested in the old group again.”

“And what about Chris? He’s been talking about it literally non-stop.”

“Chris is a smart guy, Ash. He has two kids and a wife now, too. Even if Sam _was_ trying to concoct some plan to get us all to go looking for Josh and whatever’s left of Hannah, I _really_ don’t think he’d piss everything away on a suicide mission.”

“But you don’t know Chris like I do. Once he sets his mind to something…”

“Ashley, do you really believe he’d give up everything he fought for all this time? Jesus, he was in love with you for _years_ before you two finally got together. And he’s still crazy about you. I could tell just by talking to you guys. He’s super proud of your boys, too. I could see it.”

Ashley seemed to consider that. “You think I’m being paranoid, then?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

Ashley rested her chin on her chubby palm. “Maybe you’re right…”

“Hey! Give it back!”

“No! _I_ want it!”

Ashley straightened at the sound of her boys fighting upstairs. “Ugh, excuse me a second, Em.” She hopped up and charged out the door. Emily watched from the table.

Before Ash could even reach the stairs Josh and CJ bounded down them. Josh was in the lead, and he was clutching some kind of weathered notebook.

Ashley stopped him with an open palm out in front of her. “Joshy! What do you have?”

“It’s mine!” He hid the item behind his back and attempted to flee. However CJ, who had caught up in the meantime, slammed into him and grabbed one edge of the notebook. They pulled and tugged on it while Ashley attempted to separate them.

“I want Daddy’s book!” CJ cried as he pulled with all his little might.

“You can’t even read!” Josh tugged just as hard.

“S’got pictures!”

“I’ll read it to you after! But I want it first!”

“ _Boys!_ ” Ashley grabbed the book and wrestled it from her sons’ grabby hands. “Don’t touch Daddy’s things, they’re not yours.”

“They’re not yours, either,” Josh said.

“Daddy and I share our things.”

“Really?” Little Josh stared her down. “’Cuz he said not to tell you about it.”

By that point Emily was practically tipping her chair over trying to lean and see what the hell was causing so much strife.

Ashley fumbled for words. “He…what?” She held the book up and away from Josh and CJ’s reaching hands. As soon as she opened it, her face drained of color.

“E-Emily?” she said hoarsely. “Could you come here a second?”

 

* * *

 

 It was _the_ book. That old notebook they’d found on the mountain. The one the old man with the flamethrower had used to compile information about…the monsters.

Ashley was doing everything in her power not to freak out in front of her kids, but it wasn’t hard to see the anguish in her eyes. Emily took her lightly by the arm. “Come on,” she whispered. “Let’s talk about it privately.”

Ashley didn’t budge. With shaking hands she opened the book and turned a few pages. Her sons watched her, confused but curious.

“He didn’t have this before,” she mumbled to herself. “I would have seen it at some point. This is new.”

“What is it, Mommy?” Josh looked up at her.

“Ash.” Emily pulled on her arm.

Ashley retrieved her cell phone from the pocket of her jeans. Still staring down at the notebook, she touched the screen. The phone dialed.

“Hey hon,” Chris quickly answered. “What’s up?”

“Come home.” Ashley’s tone was even, but just barely.

“What? Why?”

Ashley’s eyes flicked to Josh and CJ. “Just, come home. Now.”

“O-okay. I’ll be right there. Is everything all ri–”

She disconnected before he could finish his question.

Emily eyed the front door. “So I guess I’ll be going–”

“What? No, please stay.” Ashley grabbed her sleeve. The gesture flashed her back to the apartment with Jessica. A wave of internal sickness washed over her.

“Seriously? …Okay, fine.”

Ashley wandered into another room, looking lost. Em couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for her. That fucking idiot knocked her up – twice – and now he was pulling this shit? Emily may not have been Ashley’s biggest fan, but she didn’t deserve this.

With Ashley lost in her own world, Emily was left facing down her two boys. Josh and Chris Junior exchanged a look, then turned to stare at Emily.

“What’s wrong with Mommy?” CJ asked her.

Emily faltered. She had no idea how much or how little truthful information she could communicate to kids of their ages. Her mother had always addressed her like one of the adults. She didn’t know if that was good for all children, especially since it had probably contributed to her inability to relate to her peers as a kid.

She decided to keep it honest but simple. “She’s just a little bit upset with your dad. They’re going to talk it out.”

“Are they gonna fight?” Josh asked. He had a glimmer in his eye. Just looking at him Emily could tell he was highly intelligent. If she attempted to bullshit him he was going to see right through it.

“They might,” she said.

The boys exchanged another look, concern painted boldly on their young faces. _Great, now you scared them._ That was why she wasn’t a mother.

Frowning, she took in the sight of their worried little faces. It was amazing how much of their parents she could see in them. Josh had his mother’s button nose and rosy cheeks, while CJ had her bright green eyes but his father’s big honker. It was almost a little weird. She could still remember when Ashley was convinced Chris would never fall for an awkward, average girl like her. Now Emily was looking into the eyes of their progeny. Seeing their features, so distinct, yet blended seamlessly into two brand new human beings created from their love.

When she was younger Emily used to think about what her and Mike’s kids would look like. By the time she got with Matt she was too jaded to ponder those sorts of things, but, thinking about it now, they’d probably be pretty cute. Hell, if Ashley and Chris could make cute kids…

“Don’t worry,” Emily tried. “They love each other. They’ll work it out.”

Or at least she believed they would. Who could really tell? She _was_ a force of destruction in other people’s lives, after all. A life ruiner.

Ashley’s sons disappeared back upstairs as quickly as they’d come. Not sure what else to do with herself until Chris arrived, Emily sat back down at the kitchen table and thumbed through her phone. Matt had given her Jess’ number, so now she had Sam, Matt, Mike, Ashley, and Jess. _Wow, almost the complete set._

She selected Jessica’s number. They hadn’t communicated since Em had pushed her to try to venture outside. She thought about starting with a simple “hello” – but that seemed too formal. “Hi”? Too curt. “Hey”, maybe, but it could be read in a hostile tone, and the last thing Emily wanted to do was upset Jess any further.

In lieu of a greeting, Emily, on a whim, opened her camera. She hadn’t taken a selfie in ages. Making sure no one was around to see her, Em stuck her tongue out and made a ridiculous face at the front-facing camera. Without giving herself time to reconsider, she sent it to Jess.

A few minutes passed. Then her phone buzzed. **Jessica sent a photo.**

Emily opened the message. A tiny smile warmed her face. Jess had sent back a picture of herself lying upside down on what appeared to be her bed, winking and sticking her tongue out as well. **Hi Emily <3**, said the message attached to it.

_Guess she isn’t mad at me._ The thought filled her with relief.

Emily zoomed in unflatteringly close to one eye. She sent the disturbing close-up without comment. A minute later she received a picture of the inside of Jess’ mouth. She couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was kind of just like old times.

**So when are you coming by again?** Jess sent another message a few moments later.

Snapped back to reality, Emily sighed and tried to conjure her mental schedule for the week. The weekend was filled up with errands and stupid corporate bullshit. The only time she’d be available was a weeknight. Maybe Friday? But would she be going there alone? In all honesty she was terrified of venturing into such a dangerous area by herself.

Before she could piece together a response she heard a car door close in the driveway. Ashley reappeared near her, wearing a stone-cold poker face.

“Just so you know, I’m staying out of this as much as possible,” Emily murmured to her.

Ashley nodded. “I just need a little moral support, I guess.”

The front door swung open. Ashley set the notebook out of the sight on the kitchen counter, then strode over to the doorway with a look Em had never seen her wear before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know the thing with the notebook is a major Convenient Plot Device. I've rewritten this chapter so many times that I was almost ready to just abandon the whole fic over it (I'm dramatic like that lmao), so I'm living with it this way.


	8. Repeating Yesterday

“Ash, what’s wrong?” Chris didn’t even take his shoes off when he walked in – his immediate destination was Ashley. He spread his arms as if inviting her into them, but she stopped just out of his reach.

“In the kitchen,” was all she said before turning around and joining Emily in the small room.

Chris followed her wordlessly. Upon seeing Emily seated at the table, he paused. “Emily? What – wait, what’s going on–”

“Chris.” Ashley directed his attention back to her. She was standing in front of the notebook on the counter, blocking it from his view. “What’s going on with _you_?”

“With _me_?” Chris pointed to himself incredulously, glancing between the two women. “Why do you think something’s going on with me?”

Emily remained silent, letting Ashley handle the confrontation. She and Chris were both emotional wrecks. If this blew up it was going to be like watching a nuclear meltdown, and Emily preferred to keep as much distance between herself and nuclear disasters as possible.

“Chris, I know you’re up to something. I’m your _wife_. You know you can talk to me about anything.” Ashley’s tone softened just the slightest bit toward the end of her plea. Emily fought the urge to roll her eyes. She would’ve been throwing his ass out by that point. _This girl has no self-respect._

Of course Em wasn’t exactly one to talk about self-respect, having just screwed a guy who’d at one point considered killing her. But that was a shame for another time.

Chris’ look of confusion remained. Ashley slid the notebook out from behind her. “I found the boys with this.”

His eyes widened a little, but he didn’t seem nearly as shocked as Emily would’ve expected him to. He should have been diving onto his hands and knees and pleading with Ashley to forgive him for his idiocy. “Ash, I can explain. I will explain.”

He glanced over at Emily.

“She’s staying,” Ashley said.

“…Okay.” Chris tugged at the collar of his work shirt. “Um, I guess I can explain it to both of you, then.” He pulled out a chair at Emily’s right side. Ashley sat back down in the chair opposite her, still clutching the notebook.

“Sam lent that to me the other night,” he confessed. “While everyone was kind of mingling we struck up a conversation. Somehow it turned to…that. She mentioned Josh, and Hannah, and we got talking about how they cut the second investigation short after those two officers disappeared. Sam thinks Josh might still be up there. Maybe not as a human, but…”

“Oh my God, Chris, who _cares_ about that?” Ashley cut him off. “We were lucky enough to survive it once! It’s over. If Josh is a – a wendigo, then that’s what he is. I’m not gonna lose you over this.”

“I didn’t say I was gonna go back there.”

“It’s obvious! That’s why you have _this_!” Her voice cracked with emotion as she waved the notebook at him.

Chris hesitated. “Ash, I just…”

Ashley stared him down, her eyes brimming with tears. Chris swallowed audibly.

“Fuck, he was my closest friend in the whole god damn world. All these years I’ve thought he might be trapped up there…possessed by those…spirits, or whatever…when Sam suggested we could maybe go back as a group, fully armed and–”

“I knew it. I _knew_ she put some idea in your head like that.” A tear spilled over, running down Ashley’s cheek. “Why? What’s wrong with her? The Sam I used to know would never suggest something like that. She looked out for us!”

“And you would consider going with this bat-shit plan?” Unable to stay quiet any longer, Emily cut in. “You claim this is all Sam’s idea, but you don’t have to go along with it. So why are you?”

“Well, i-it’s been eating at me for years. And I mean, we fought them off before–”

“We fought a bunch of decrepit old miners and Hannah Washington. Hannah, probably the most docile teenage girl ever, was both ready and willing to _rip our throats out_ in that form.” She leveled Chris with a glare. “Now picture instead of her it’s her larger, angrier, and mentally unstable big brother. And he’s had ten years of practice with that body. Does that really sound like something you want to go pick a fight with, idiot?”

“We can’t just let him run wild on the mountain forever!” Chris practically yelled. Upon Emily searing him with a _don’t-you-ever-talk-to-me-like-that_ glare, he meekly toned his voice down. “Just, that old guy who was hunting them, he died. Protecting us. No one else in the world would ever believe what’s up there. And someday someone might buy that land again, and they won’t stand a chance. Those things will make Josh kill innocent people. What if he’s still conscious and aware of what he’s doing but just can’t control his body? He’d have to experience it all. What kind of horrible fate is that?”

“Not as horrible as the one you’ll face if you go back up there,” Emily muttered.

“Chris, you’re – you’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” Another tear ran down Ashley’s face. “You’re actually considering this ‘plan’?”

“We can all go, Ash.” His eyes lit up with something not-quite-right. Almost a look of excitement. “It’s our duty to go back there. To finish what we started. We can be part of something bigger than ourselves. We can all–”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but if you are _actually_ thinking about going back to Blackwood then you are a fucking moron,” Emily snarled at him. “You survived it once, got a girlfriend out of the deal, married her, had two fucking kids with her, and you’d throw that all away just to die a frozen mountaintop?”

Chris opened his mouth to respond, but Emily cut him off.

“You know what’s gonna happen after you go and get yourself killed up there? First off, I don’t suppose you have an active life insurance policy, do you?”

“Um, no...”

“Okay. So first thing, when you die Ashley’s gonna lose this house. Your wife and the kids you supposedly love so much are gonna be out on the street. _Best_ case Ashley manages to pull through her grief and get a full-time job somewhere that’ll hire someone who dropped out of college and has two young kids and has been out of the workforce for years, and she’s able to afford an apartment in one of the shitty parts of L.A.. Your sons will grow up surrounded by criminals and lowlifes and Ashley will be in constant danger.”

“I would never let–”

“That’s _best_ case.” Emily refused to let him get a word in. “Worst case, either Ash and your sons end up in an overcrowded homeless shelter living on rations and sleeping ten to a room, or they end up nowhere, literally living on the street. Sleeping on park benches and eating out of trash cans.” She narrowed her eyes. “All because you couldn’t give up your stupid dream of ‘avenging’ your dead friend.”

Chris bit his lip. He glanced over at Ashley, who was heartily crying then. Emily continued to stare him down.

What she’d said was dramatic. Probably overly so, but he needed to get the point. And if there was one thing Emily was good at, it was badgering people into accepting her points. She hadn’t risen to the top of her company by chance.

“God, Ash, I…” Chris shook his head, his eyes moistening. “I don’t know what came over me. I’d never do that to you. I don’t know why I even considered it!” He stood up and approached Ashley cautiously. She at first rejected him, but it didn’t take long for her to collapse into his arms. It also didn’t take long for Chris to start crying just as hard as Ashley.

Emily sat with her chin on her palm, trying to minimize her presence in their emotional moment. _Jeez, they’re a perfect match for each other._

“I’m sorry,” Chris whispered, “I’m so sorry…”

Ashley looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. “So you won’t go back there?”

Chris reached a shaking hand out and wiped one of her tears away with his thumb. “I won’t. I promise.”

They hugged and sobbed for what felt like forever. Eventually Ashley turned to Emily and mouthed, _Thank you_. Emily simply nodded.

Maybe this would be a rare exception where her presence in someone else’s life _didn’t_ just make everything worse.

Finally, Chris released Ashley from his chubby arms and took a deep breath. “It’s crazy. When I was talking to Sam about it, it just seemed like it made so much sense. Like, yeah, of course we should do this thing that’s almost definitely gonna get us killed. Sam sounded so convinced it was the right thing to do.”

 “Why would she be so into us going back there?” Ashley asked. “It makes no sense. It’s not like Sam at all.”

“I agree.” Emily sat up straight and tall, fixing Chris with her most intimidating stare. “It seems so out of Sam’s character. I could just _never_ imagine her saying something like that.”

“Yeah, it’s messed up,” Chris said, Emily’s insinuation that he was lying apparently flying right over his head. “But she didn’t seem like she’d gone crazy or anything. She seemed totally with it. Just…different.”

“Hmm. A real mystery.” Emily crossed her arms, her usual defensive posture. To her it was pretty damn obvious what was going on. But that was between Chris and Ashley, not Chris, Ashley, and their kind-of friend from childhood who didn’t even want to be there at the moment.

Chris and Ashley seemed to have things to say as well, but no one said them. The silence quickly became unbearable.

Emily eventually excused herself, telling them she had to go home and get something finished before work tomorrow. She didn’t really, and there was no need for her to be home for at least a couple more hours. But she couldn’t take any more of playing marriage counselor. She needed to retreat to her hovel and be alone for a while.

“Don’t you want to stay for dinner?” Ashley spoke up. “I said I would make you something.”

“No.” Emily was already making her way to the front door. “Thank you, though.”

“…Okay. Well, thank you for stopping by, Em.” Ashley followed her to the door. “We’ll get this figured out.”

“Maybe you will. I won’t.” Emily stepped outside. “Bye.”

As soon as she got in her car she turned on whatever music she’d left the radio on previously, cranked it up loud, and tried to drown out the weirdness before it could permeate her brain any further.

 

* * *

 

Being home alone didn’t prove as therapeutic as Em had hoped. She spent about an hour simply pacing, thinking, and occasionally petting Rin. The night was still so young – it wasn’t even eight o’clock.

_Too much craziness in one week._ She knew the shit about Sam wasn’t true. Or at least it was greatly exaggerated. Hell, the whole “going back to the mountain” thing was probably bullshit in general. Her guess was that Chris was covering up some other stupid thing he was doing, and Ashley, desperate fool that she was, was willingly buying right into it.

Another reminder as to why Emily _never_ wanted to get married.

She made a point of avoiding her bedroom. She hardly wanted to think about the shame that had been lived out in there just the night before. Instead she opted to shut herself away in her study (what was the point of her having a study, anyway? It wasn’t like there was anyone in the rest of the house to distract her), and work on the list she’d promised for Jessica.

_Okay, baby steps. What should be Jess’ first goal?_

She decided to divide the paper into two columns, short-term goals and long-term goals. _Maybe I’ll start with long-term and work down from there._ For that column a few goals came to her straightaway. She wrote down _better living situation_ , _able to go outside freely,_ and _get clean_.

She chewed on the tip of her pen as it hovered over “short-term goals”. Far-off goals were easy to establish. Shorter-term goals were the ones that required immediate, tangible action to get done. You couldn’t just say “I’ll accomplish that eventually”. You needed an actual plan for them.

She wrote down _take a step (or more) outside_. God, that sounded so pathetic. But Jess didn’t need her pity. A goal was a goal, no matter how minor it might have seemed to someone else.

The second thing she wrote simply said, _rehab?_. She wondered if there was any sort of rehabilitation program that could help Jess from the emotional safety of her apartment.

The third goal was _therapy_. Matt had mentioned a woman who’d apparently been willing to make house calls for Jess. The counselor had believed Jessica to have some sort of psychotic disorder, hence her hallucinations. If that was true then Jess could definitely benefit from at least talking to a professional. Best case, maybe she could be convinced that the monsters she was seeing truly weren’t real and move past her fear of them. Emily had very little idea how hallucinations worked or felt to the person experiencing them, but surely rationality and logic could eventually trump them. Right?

As she tried to conjure more potential goals for the list, her phone began to vibrate. _Ugh, again? Better not be Ashley with more bullshit…_

She checked it. **Incoming video call – Jessica**

_A video call? Seriously?_ Emily closed her notebook and pushed it away. With great hesitation, she accepted the call.

She was immediately greeted by the sight of Jessica lying on her stomach in nothing but a pair of lacy pink underwear. Thankfully she had her forearms folded under her chin, shielding Emily from a full-on view of The Ladies.

“Hiiii Emily!” Jess smiled at the screen, revealing all those yellowed teeth of hers. “I’m glad you answered. I love video calls. I get to see everyone.”

“…Hi Jess,” Emily replied with about an iota of enthusiasm. “Why aren’t you wearing a bra?”

“Oh, I just got finished with a client.” She laughed a little. “I can put one on if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Emily tried to avoid settling her eyes anywhere near Jess’ chest. “Um, yeah, I would prefer that.”

“Okay. Gimme a sec.”

Emily looked away as Jess hopped off her bed and rummaged around off-screen.

“’Kay, I’m done.”

Emily returned her gaze to the screen. She’d expected Jessica to be dressed, or at least robed. But no – when she said ‘put a bra on’ that was exactly what she meant. Nothing more. Emily hated looking at how scrawny she was. Jess had always had just a little meat on her bones (in all the right places, unlike Emily and her thunder thighs). Now she was just…skeletal.

“So I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Jess continued, seeming not to notice Emily’s awkward loss for words. “I’m not, right?”

“No.”

“Oh, good.” Jess looked around where Emily was sitting. “Is that your house? It looks nice.”

“Yeah, it is nice. There’s never anybody here to mess anything up.”

“That’s good.”

“Mm.”

“…Or is it not good?”

Emily shrugged.

“Well, you know I’d visit ya if I could.” Jess attempted another smile. It fell a little flatter than her previous one. “Why don’t you mess some stuff up in my honor?”

_I just might take you up on that offer,_ she thought. Wrecking some shit in her otherwise perfect, sterile household might be a nice little stress reliever for her. Especially if she had someone else’s blessing to do it.

“God, Jess, we need to have one of our marathon chats again, like in the old days.” Emily rested her chin on her palm. “There’s so much I want to tell you.”

Jessica kicked her legs idly. “Well, I’ve got nowhere to be, if you wanted to talk for a while tonight. I mean, that’s kinda why I called.”

Emily typically liked to be in bed shortly after eleven o’clock, to ensure she was fully rested and at her functional best the next day. But this was an opportunity that so rarely came along in her modern life. Maybe she could talk for just a _little_ while…

“Okay. Let’s talk until I have to go to bed.”

“Yes!” Jess pumped her fist. “Girls’ night.”

“Really?” Emily stifled a laugh. “Like we’re teenagers?”

“Yeah! We can swap stories and talk shit until you go to bed. …As long as I don’t fall asleep before then.”

Emily glanced over at her computer desk. Then she looked back to Jessica’s tiny likeness on her phone screen. “All right. Let me switch to my computer. Then I guess ‘girl’s night’ will commence.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last we're going to see of Chris and Ashley for a little while...but they'll be back. :P


	9. Golgotha Tenement Blues

Emily awakened to Rin meowing and pawing at her face, which was partially obscured by her forearms on the computer desk. She blinked a few times and rubbed a pool of dried drool off her cheek. “Ugh, what time is it?”

Her computer monitor was still on, but had gone to sleep due to inactivity. She jerked her mouse, bringing the screen back to life. To her surprise, Jessica’s webcam was still running. The other girl was curled up on her bed in front of her plugged-in laptop, fast asleep.

It all came back to her then. They had stayed up far too late chatting, and eventually Jessica had nodded off. Emily remembered watching her sleep for a little while (that wasn’t weird, was it?). After some time she must have dozed off herself.

Her glassy eyes drifted down to the clock in the taskbar. “ _AGHHHH!_ ”

Rin’s ears swiveled backward at the sudden noise. Jessica startled awake, glancing about in a panic before she realized the source of the yelling.

“Oh, morning Em! I must’ve fallen asleep. Sorry about that…”

Emily continued to stare at the clock, eyes wide, shaking her head slightly. “It’s 8:44,” she murmured. “I start work at nine. I’ll never make it. I _can’t_ make it. It takes me twenty minutes to get there on a good traffic day. I’m not even dressed yet.”

She’d never been late. Not ever. At this rate she’d be _at least_ an hour late – she still had to shower, get dressed, grab at least something for breakfast so she wasn’t starving and unproductive all day…

“Call out sick.” Jessica shrugged. “You get sick days, right? Maybe this is a sign you should take one.”

“Call out? When I’m not sick?” Emily did have a ton of unused sick time. She rarely fell ill, and she preferred to be at work rather than her house all day anyway. Calling out sick _would_ be better than unexplained lateness, at least in Emily’s mind.

“If you call out, you can come over.” Jess made a kissy face at her. “It can be like when we used to skip school together.”

“Your neighborhood is terrifying. I wouldn’t go there by myself.”

“Oh, Camila could meet you at the bus stop! She’s around today.”

Skipping work. It seemed so wrong. Wouldn’t her inferiors need her? She thought of the way they’d responded to her presentation the other day. They hardly seemed as though they needed her then.

She was already going to be embarrassingly late. And if she called out, she could spend the day with Jess…

“All right, fuck it,” she said. “I’ll call out.”

Jessica cheered. “So you’ll come over, then?”

“I guess so. Give me an hour.”

“Aww yeah. Girls’ night continuing into girls’ day. I love it.” Jess winked at Emily. “So I’ll see ya then.”

“Bye, Jess.” Emily gave her a small finger-wave. Jessica ended the call with a smile, one that almost mimicked her old, carefree look of their younger days.

 

* * *

 

Terrified of looking the part of the “oblivious outsider” Matt had warned about, Em had stopped in a Wal-Mart (the horror) not too far from the bus station and picked up a pair of cheap black yoga pants and a nondescript grey pullover hoodie that was at least a size too large for her. Totally unflattering, but it served its purpose – she’d blend right in with the local clientele.

As she was heading for the checkouts she’d spotted something else of interest – a section of cheap, no-name flat-brim caps with various California sports team logos emblazoned upon them. She picked up a black 49ers cap with a red brim. Glancing about to ensure no one was watching, she popped it on her head. It was much too big, at least until she adjusted the snaps in the back. She glanced in the small mirror on the display rack. It was kind of cute, in a way.

“Looks good on you,” someone said. Emily startled and whipped around. She discovered an older woman – an employee, she quickly realized – smiling at her.

“Oh, um, thanks,” she said as she added the hat to her other selections.

All told she spent thirty dollars. A single stitch in most of her usual clothes probably cost more than thirty dollars, she thought as she handed the cashier the two twenties she’d brought specifically for the purchase.

After the harrowing shopping trip, she changed in the back of her car. The Wal-Mart clothes were surprisingly comfortable. They obviously did nothing for her aesthetically, but Em had grown so accustomed to clothing being tight and showy that slipping into slack-off clothes like these was oddly refreshing.

After the deafening silence of the solo bus ride Emily was dying to talk to someone. Apparently Camila was not going to be that person. She greeted Emily with nothing but a wordless nod. Then they were on their way. Camila didn’t on her clothing choices, probably because they were nothing out of the ordinary to her. Emily noticed she walked with the same sort of slouchy shuffle that Matt had adopted in this neighborhood. Emily quickly mimicked it.

A couple of voices drew her attention to the other side of the street. Two young guys were sitting outside a run-down building. When they saw Camila they called out and waved to her. She gave them the same nod she’d given Emily, and said something in a language that wasn’t English. The guys got a good laugh out of whatever she’d said. Camila smiled a little, but kept walking. Emily hurried after her.

Nobody ever greeted Em in her neighborhood. Everybody was too caught up in their own lives to bother with anyone else’s.

This place almost had a strange bit of charm to it. Or maybe it just seemed that way because she was a visitor, she considered as they passed a car with its tires stripped off.

When finally they reached the decrepit old stoop of Jessica’s apartment building, Camila lingered on the sidewalk. “You go in,” she said, the first words she’d spoken to Emily since meeting up with her. “I’m going back.” She gestured back the way they’d come.

“Oh.” Emily swallowed. “Okay. Thank you for walking me here.”

“Yup.” The girl walked away, leaving Emily alone on the front steps. Em pulled down the brim of her cap, then slinked inside.

 

* * *

 

Apartment Nineteen was closed and locked. Emily could hear music drifting out through the thin walls. She could make out a muffled male vocalist, but she didn’t recognize him.

She knocked on the door. “Jess?”

The music stopped. Moments later the door creaked open. One of Jessica’s eyes, its pupil normal-sized this time, peered out at her through the crack.

Emily eased the brim of her cap off her eyes. Jess lit up with recognition as she pulled the door open. “I wasn’t sure it was you, Em!” She led Emily inside and then closed the door behind her. “I like the new look. Very…’Inner City Lesbian’. It’s kind of attractive.” She blinked her long lashes at Emily.

Emily pushed her away, pretending to gag at Jessica’s advance. “I’m not a lesbian.”

“Whoops, sorry.” Jess led her into her tiny bedroom, where it was obvious by the wrinkled sheets that she’d been lying on her bed before Emily arrived. “Inner City Bisexual.”

Emily made an uncomfortable noise, trying to resist the urge to argue with her.

Jessica apparently noticed her discomfort. “…No?”

Emily sat down on Jessica’s bed. “I’ve had enough on my plate recently with guys. Adding in anyone else might just do me in.”

Jess sat down beside her. “What kind of guys do you have on your ‘plate’? You didn’t mention anyone to me.”

Emily froze. She’d made a point of carefully avoiding Mike during their chat last night. On top of everything else shitty about her hooking up with him, what he’d done to Jessica hadn’t been far from her mind.

“Oh, just…well…I kind of wish Matt wasn’t married,” she decided to say. It wasn’t a lie.

Jess widened her eyes. “Really? You and Matt, that’s still a…a thing?”

Emily shrugged.

Jessica rested her elbows on her thighs. “Honestly?” she said, “I wish he wasn’t married, either.”

“Why do you always want my sloppy seconds?”

“Hey, Matt’s a gentleman. I’m a sucker for that kind of thing.”

Em thought of how distressed Matt had seemed on the bus ride back to his hotel. He’d tried to call his wife a few times, but she kept sending it straight to voicemail. He’d lamented to Emily about lying to Jenn at the apartment. When Emily had eventually voiced her opinion that she seemed a little controlling, he had instantly turned defensive. _She just cares about me a lot,_ he’d said.

“His wife seems like kind of a bitch.”

Jess paused. “Yeah. She kind of is.”

Emily sat back on her hands and stared up at the flaking, off-white ceiling paint. “What if we kidnapped him and hid him here?”

Jessica laughed. “I wish we could. His wife tracks him everywhere he goes, though. She made him install a tracking app on his phone. I think that’s how she found him the other day.”

“The hell? That’s fucked up.”

“Mhm. It is.” Jess flopped backward onto the bed. “So anyways, what do you wanna do for our Girls’ Day?”

Emily thought about breaking out the goal list she’d written for Jessica – she had brought it with her, after all. At the last second, however, she wimped out and decided to pull a Matt, pretending nothing was wrong with Jess’ fucked-up situation.

“Want me to braid your hair like I used to?” she asked instead.

Jessica beamed.

 

* * *

 

Emily combed her fingers through Jessica’s surprisingly-clean hair. It had thinned out since the last time Emily had done so. She wondered if it was just age, or the drugs, or the lack of Vitamin D from such little exposure to sunlight. Jessica’s skin was so pale.

Em twisted a lock of Jess’ light brown hair around one finger. The strands were rough, broken. Emily handled them carefully as she separated her hair into three sections.

“I don’t want to be here anymore.” Turned away from Emily, Jess’ words were quiet and a bit difficult to make out.

Emily paused her braiding. “’Here’ as in, this apartment?”

“No. ‘Here’ as in anywhere.” She remained faced away from Emily. 

Emily’s chest tightened. “You don’t mean that.”

Jess made a noncommittal sound behind closed lips.

“It’s this place.” Emily’s voice took on that needlessly-loud, boisterous tone it always did when she was trying to hide a vulnerable emotion. “This fucking place would get anyone down.” She pulled a little too hard on Jessica’s hair. Jess yelped a little. “…Sorry. Just, I hate seeing you here. Seeing you miserable like this. Jess, you’re not a bad person. You don’t deserve to suffer like this.”

Jess smiled a little. “That’s nice of you to say, Em. Not true, but nice.”

Emily tried to keep her hands steady as she crossed the sections of Jess’ hair with meticulous precision. Jessica hummed to herself, the same tune as the song Em had heard her listening to earlier.

Jess didn’t deserve to live in this shit pit. She deserved a nice home, surrounded by people who loved and wanted to help her. Somewhere safe. Somewhere clean. Some place like…

“I wish you lived with me,” Emily said.

That spurred a laugh from Jess. “No you don’t.”

Emily fought back the urge to argue against her. God, how she’d love to have the company of someone she trusted in that awful house of hers. Jessica had no idea just how debilitatingly lonely Emily’s modern life was. “I’d take you even with your messiness and your problems,” she said. “The needles, well they might be a bit of an issue if you left them all around like here, but other than that…”

Jess turned slightly toward her. “You sound like you’re actually thinking about this.”

“I am.” She’d actually thought about it last night, though only as a far-flung “what if”. Now that they were together in person again, and especially now that Jess was hinting that she didn’t want to be _alive_ anymore, the thought refused to stop gnawing at her brain. The honest truth was that when she left Jess’ apartment later on, she didn’t want to leave Jessica behind.

“Emily, I can’t even go outside.” Jessica’s shoulders drooped. “How would I even _get_ to your house?”

Emily crossed two sections of Jess’ hair over each other and pulled them tight. Jess yelped again.

“Maybe I can put a bag over your head and throw you in the back of my car.”

“Wow, you’re big on kidnapping people, huh?”

“Certain people.”

They fell silent after that. Emily finished weaving Jessica’s hair into a cute single braid down her back. Jessica handed her a hair tie from her nightstand, which Emily then used to secure the braid.

“I remember we used to talk about getting an apartment together for college.” Jess played with her newly-styled hair. Then she stretched her fingers out and wiggled them, inviting Emily to turn around and surrender her hair to Jessica.

Em’s roots tingled as Jess embedded her hands in her hair and scrunched them. It felt so nice. She knew it had nothing to do with braiding, but she let Jess do it anyway.

“Yeah. I remember that, too.” After The Incident Emily had dropped all her classes for that semester. The following semester she didn’t sign up for any classes at all. She didn’t end up returning to school until the spring of 2016.

Jessica never ended up going at all.

Jess combed through Em’s thin, silky hair with her spidery fingers. “Do you think I’m psychotic?” she asked out of the blue.

Emily hesitated. Her immediate reaction was to say no – _no way, not you, Jess. You were always so perfect, and I looked up to you and there’s no way you could ever be something like that_. Emily wouldn’t allow it.

Before she could vocalize a response, Jessica continued. “Some part of me knows the things I see – the monsters – aren’t real. But the other part of me remembers when they _were_ real. So real…”

Her hands had gone cold and clammy. Emily could hear her laboring to even out her breaths.

“You okay, Jess?”

Jess’ hands fell away from Emily. “I know that those things exist in the world. That makes it so much harder to convince myself that what I’m seeing isn’t real.” She drew back from Em suddenly. “I – I need to go do something. I’ll be right back.”

Emily hopped off the bed and followed Jess to the bedroom doorway. “What are you going to do?” Her tone was more hostile than she had intended, but she wasn’t an idiot.

“I…have to go to the bathroom.” Jess’ eyes flicked anxiously to the closed blinds over the windows.

Emily pursued her to the bathroom, with Jess backing up most of the way. “Really, Jess? Is that really what you’re doing?”

She reached for Jess’ arm. Jess pulled away.

“Jessica. You don’t have to do this. I want to help you. I can get you help. Please.”

Jess hesitated, seeming to think it over. As Emily was about to reassure her again, she bolted for the bathroom and slammed and locked the door behind her.

“Jessica! Jess come out here this _instant_!” Emily delivered a swift kick to the door that rattled the shitty old thing on its hinges. “Jess! Don’t do that! Please!”

Nothing but silence answered her. Emily’s yelling was choked off by a strangled cry as she kicked the door again, then threw the entirety of her body weight against it.

“Why?” she cried as she sank down to the floor. “Why do you have to do that? I could help you…I want to help you…” She fought back tears that threatened to destroy the last of her composure.

What felt like a lifetime later, the bathroom door crept open. Emily was immediately on her feet as Jess slipped out of the bathroom. By what Em could see from Jess’ fleeting glances her pupils appeared unchanged, though that probably didn’t mean much so soon afterward. A glimpse into the bathroom revealed no obvious signs that she’d been injecting herself with anything, though.

“Did you…” Emily’s tone was somewhere between cautious and callous.

Hugging herself, Jess shook her head.

Emily straightened. “You didn’t?”

Jessica bit her lip, but failed to stifle it from quivering as she made a tiny noise. “I…I need help. I want help. I don’t wanna just st-stab myself with needles and get high all day. But I want the monsters to go away. That’s the only way they do…”

“Unless you get proper help.” Emily took Jessica’s shaking hands in hers. “Look Jess, I know I’ve fucked up a lot over the years. I know we both have. But one thing I’ve always known was god damn true, even when it hurt to know it, is that…I love you. Fuck, I love you so much. You were my first friend. We may have had our moments over the years but when it comes down to it, I…”

She looked into Jessica’s eyes, now just as teary as her own.

“I would do _anything_ for you, Jess.”

The confession broke down the last of both of their emotional resolves. Jessica pulled Emily tight to her chest, and they cried. Oh God, they cried. They cried until Emily couldn’t tell whose tears were whose anymore. Crushed together like they were it all just melded into a weeping mess of sorrow and love. Cradled against her, Emily could barely even distinguish her own breaths from Jessica’s.

When finally they drew slightly apart, Jess stared down at her with the purest look of vulnerability Emily had ever seen her wear. “Please help me, Em,” she whispered, her voice hoarse from crying. “I can’t do it on my own.”

Emily clutched Jessica’s hands once more. “I’ll help you,” she said. “I promise I will.”

Jess looked past Emily, to the apartment door. “I wish I could go with you. I hate it here…”

“That hate should be your motivation, then.” Emily’s tone regained its usual brashness. “You want to get the hell out of here, don’t you?”

Jess nodded weakly.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know,” Emily continued. “I would let you stay with me. If you could just take a few steps out that door I could come pick you up in my car and–”

“You wouldn’t want me, Emily. I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

“Bullshit. I know what I’m getting into. I’ve known you since we were seven years old.”

Jess sniffled. “But now I’m such a mess. It’s different.”

“Stop.” Emily shushed her. “Do you want to get out of here or not?”

“…Yes…”

“If I come back for you in an hour with my car, will you come with me?”

“…I’ll try, Emily.”

“Good. Be packed and ready to go when I get here.” Emily sauntered over to the door. “You’re going to do this, Jess. It won’t be like last time. I’ll make sure of that.”

Jessica wiped her reddened eyes. “Don’t let me back out of this, okay?” she said in a quiet voice.

“I won’t.”

“Thank you, Em. I need a really big push, but I…think…I hope…I can do it.”

“You can. I’ll be back in an hour.”

As Emily was stepping out of the apartment, she turned to catch one more glimpse of Jessica. Jess was already hurriedly packing things into an empty cardboard box that had been lying beside the couch.

Emily closed the door, hoping she hadn’t just made another terrible decision. _The first time she had a breakdown because of me._ Would this time be any different?

Regardless of her fears, Emily couldn’t help but feel a tiny twinge of excitement in her stomach. If this worked out, if she could help Jess like she wanted to, she might actually begin to get her best friend back. She might finally be able to prove to herself that she could be a positive force in other people’s lives.

It could turn out to be one of the few good choices she’d ever made.


	10. The Rescue

“You can do this, Jess.” Emily held both of Jessica’s hands tightly in her own. Her car was parked on the street, just a few feet from the edge of the apartment’s front stoop. “Just a couple steps. Once you’re in the car you’ll be safe again.”

She didn’t want to rush Jess, but she was also keeping an eye out for any suspicious figures approaching her Coupe. The last thing she needed was for someone to jump into her car and take off with her standing right there. And in this neighborhood it probably wouldn’t be an unheard-of occurrence.

She probably should have rented a junk car or something.

Jess had her eyes squeezed tightly shut, hoping to avoid freaking out at the sight of the monsters outside. Emily guided her down the first step, from the building’s interior to the outside cement. The second Jess’ shoe touched it she retreated back a little.

“No.” Emily refused to let her pull all the way back into the building. “Come on.”

“A-are the monsters around?” She kept her eyes closed, but her eyelids fluttered a little, as if she were fighting the urge to open them.

“No. You’re safe.”

“You’re not lying, right?”

“No, Jess. You have to trust me. There’s nothing here.”

They took a tandem step down. A motorcycle zoomed by on the street. Jessica startled at the noise and attempted to retreat back inside, while Emily went the opposite direction, toward the car. They ended up stumbling over each other. Emily just barely caught them both as she tripped into the doorway.

“Maybe I’m not ready.” Jess pulled back toward the building. “M-maybe we should try next week. Or next month. Or never.”

“ _Jessica._ ” Emily maintained a firm grip on her wrist. “You told me not to let you give up. I am _not_ letting you go back in there. There are no monsters. My car is five feet away. Your things are already packed up in the back. You’re going.”

She immediately regretted her harshness when she noticed Jess was shaking.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to – I wasn’t trying to make you upset. I was trying to motivate you. This is the only way I know how.”

“I need to see things for myself,” Jess said.

“Huh?”

Jessica opened her eyes. Instantly they fixed on something behind Emily. She started shrieking. Emily whipped around.

Of course, there was nothing actually there.

Jess grabbed on to Emily, clutching her so tight Em labored to draw a full breath. “Do you see it?” Jess whispered, her voice quaking.

Emily held her, careful not to squeeze her fragile friend too tightly. “No.”

“You don’t see the monster?”

“Nope.”

“…So then it’s not really there, right?”

“No. It’s not.” In an attempt to reassure her, Emily cautiously stroked Jessica’s straw-thin hair.

“So then…it can’t hurt me.”

“Right.”

Jess managed to tear her eyes off the imaginary monster and fix them briefly on Emily. “You really don’t see it? It looks so real, it – it’s just like the one that pulled me out the window that time.”

“It’s not attacking you now though, is it?”

“…No. It’s not.”

“What’s it doing?”

“Just…standing there.”

Emily took her hand again. “If I get closer to it, will you follow me once you know it’s safe?”

Jess nodded feebly.

Her fingers entwined with Jessica’s, Em took a slow step toward the car. Jess continued to stare at where Emily guessed she was seeing the lurking wendigo. Then slowly, cautiously she joined Emily one step down.

“See?” Emily said. “It can’t hurt you.”

Truthfully, Jess’ level of conviction that there was a monster before them unnerved Emily just the tiniest bit. What if there was a wendigo spirit hanging around, and for whatever reason Emily just couldn’t see it? Her experience at Blackwood had been her only known encounter with the supernatural in her entire life. She had no idea how any of that stuff worked.

Suddenly Jessica sprinted for Em’s car. Emily dashed after her. Jess flung open the door and dove into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind her. Hurrying to the driver’s side, Emily jumped in and quickly started the car.

“Go,” Jess urged, her face even paler than usual.

Emily didn’t have to be told twice to step on the gas and get the hell out of Lincoln Heights.

 

* * *

 

Jess settled down after a minute or two on the road. She watched out the window for a while, barely saying a word. The thought occurred to Emily that Jess probably hadn’t been in a vehicle in several years.

“Are you okay so far?” Em asked after a while.

Jess thought it over for a moment, then nodded. “Your car rides nice and smooth. It’s not too bad.”

Emily laughed a little. “For what it cost it _should_ ride smooth.”

“You drive well, too. Not nervous like you used to be.”

Emily shrugged, keeping her eyes on the road. “I’ve had a long time to practice, I guess.”

Jess sat back in her seat. “My license expired years ago.”

While it made immediate logical sense considering Jessica’s situation, the fact that Jess couldn’t just take off and go somewhere even if she wanted to somehow made it feel even more oppressive. It was almost suffocating for Em, whose wheels were practically an extension of her body, to think about.

“You’ll get it renewed once you’re back on your feet.”

“Back on my feet?”

“Yeah. Once you get help. Once you’re better.”

“You have a lotta faith in me, Em. More than I have in myself.” Jess watched the goings-on outside with half-interest. “God, I feel like a puppy that just got adopted.”

Emily smiled a little at the comparison. “Really?”

“Kinda, yeah. Like I was in a shelter all this time, and now someone’s finally taking me home.”

“Well I hope you’re not expecting to get pampered too much. I never was a dog person.”

“Hey, as long as I get a nice bed, and some treats here and there…”

“You’ll sleep on the floor and get nothing.”

Jess pouted. Emily smirked.

“Meanie.”

They tried to ride in silence. It lasted about a minute.

“So is your house big?” Jess asked, abandoning their pretend huff.

“Not really. I wanted a smallish house. Feels less lonely.”

Jess glanced back at her few boxes of belongings. “You have room for me though?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine. The house isn’t _that_ small. Oh, and you don’t have any problem with cats, right?”

“Not at all. So you’re a crazy cat lady, then?”

“I only have one cat.”

“For now.”

“Bitch I will drop you off on the side of the road if you keep talking shit.” Emily hadn’t spoken to someone like that in years. She sort of surprised herself with it. She considered backpedaling – Jessica was fragile, after all – but then she noticed Jess was smiling.

“Fine. I’ll be nice,” Jess said. “At least until you sign the prenup.”

Emily scoffed. “What prenup? We’re not getting married.”

“For now.”

Emily tried to look annoyed as she returned her attention to the road.

Her sheets probably still smelled like Mike. The sudden thought filled her with nothing but disgust. She couldn’t help but feel as though somehow Jess would know. That she would find some tiny, telltale scrap of his presence that Emily had failed to expunge from her household. Dear God, she hoped not.

Jess hummed to herself as she continued to stare out the window. “I’m glad you forced me outside,” she said at one point. “Much as I love Matt, sometimes he’s too soft on me. I never would’ve come out with just him around.”

“I figured as much,” Em replied. “That’s Matt’s biggest problem. He’s too nice.” Everyone walked on Matt. Hell, she was guilty of doing so herself.

“When we get home would you mind if I video called him?” Jess asked. “That’s kind of my way of keeping in touch with people. And I’m sure he’d want to know what’s going on.”

Emily raised an eyebrow. “Home?”

“To your house. Whatever. You know what I mean.”

“No, you can call it home if you want,” Emily said. “I mean, it _is_ your home, for now. And I wouldn’t mind if you called him, no.”

Jess studied her for a while. Then she smiled just the tiniest bit.

“I can’t wait to go home.”

 

* * *

 

Getting Jess out of the car was akin to getting Rin out of her carrier at the vet.

Emily pulled up as close to the door as she could. “Okay, I’ll get out and unlock the front door. Then you can come in.”

Jess clung to the passenger seat. “Oh, um, okay. Sure. Just…gimme a minute.”

Emily got out, unlocked the front door, then waited. Jessica made no attempt to get out of the car. “Do you want me to hold your hand again?” Em eventually asked her.

Jess shakily offered her hand to Emily. Emily took it and tugged her gingerly out of the car. As soon as she was partway out Jess shrieked and drew back.

“Come on. You’re almost there.”

“I’m scared…” She withdrew into herself, suddenly appearing very small.

“You’re safer in my house than out in the car,” Emily reminded her.

“…That’s probably true.”

“It is. So come on.”

Jessica grabbed on to her. Emily hurried to the front door, unencumbered by her human baggage. As soon as they set foot inside Emily closed the door behind them. Jess detached from her enough to take a quick look around at her new environment. “Wow. Your house is beautiful.”

Rin was sitting on the marble countertop of the kitchen, where they entered. She meowed at Emily, then looked to Jess with curiosity.

“Oh, you have another Sphynx cat?” Jess approached her with an open hand. Rin sniffed it, then pushed her head into Jess’ palm. Jess petted her lightly. “It’s cute.”

“Thanks. Her name’s Rin.”

“Hi, Rin.” She took a step back and glanced about again. “Your house is so nice. I know you said it was neat and clean and stuff, but…wow.”

“I’ll show you around the rest of it.” Emily took a few steps toward the hallway, waiting.

“Could we get my stuff out of the car first?”

“Oh. All right.”

Jessica hung back as Emily carried in the boxes herself. As soon as Em dropped the first one off in the house Jess began rooting through it.

By the time Emily returned with the second box Jess was standing in the doorway, looking antsy. “Hey, Em,” she said, “so, um, can I maybe use your bathroom? I didn’t get to at my place.”

Emily hesitated. “You’re not…gonna…”

Jess scratched her arm. “Emily, I’m gonna try to get better. I said I would. But I can’t just quit cold turkey. You don’t do that with this stuff.”

Emily felt her heart speed up. It made sense, deep down she knew it did. Jess couldn’t just give it up instantaneously. She wasn’t going to magically improve just because she was staying with Emily now. But the thought of her injecting herself with that poison right in Emily’s own house, with Emily powerless to do anything about it?

Emily hated feeling helpless. And that thought sure made her feel that way.

Finally Em swallowed and said, “Bathroom’s down the hall on the left. Don’t leave any fucking needles around.”

Needing no further permission, Jess disappeared down the hall, carrying a small black purse she must have retrieved from one of the boxes.

Emily laid her head against the nearest wall. _I didn’t think this through at all._ She wasn’t “adopting a puppy”, as Jess had so cutely conjured. She was housing a woman with a serious drug problem, who was also dealing with crippling agoraphobia and psychotic hallucinations. She’d been so enthusiastic at the thought of her best friend living with her, at the thought of not being so lonely anymore, that she hadn’t stopped to think of all the complications that were probably going to arise from the arrangement.

Jessica returned a few minutes later. She avoided eye contact with Emily.

“Done?” Emily asked curtly.

Jess nodded.

“Do you want me to show you around now?”

Jess nodded again.

“Okay.” Emily gave herself a moment to temper her irrational anger toward Jess, that was really mostly anger at herself, and refocused on her plan of introducing Jessica to a healthy household. On a whim she offered Jess her hand once again. Jess accepted it, and so they walked hand-in-hand as Emily led the most pathetic of tours.

“This is my bedroom.” Em opened a black door that was identical to all the others in the house. Jess peered inside.

“That’s a big bed for just you,” she said.

“Eh, I like having a lot of space to myself.”

She closed her bedroom door and led Jess to the next room in the hall. “This is my study.”

“Boring. I hate studying.”

Em then stepped to the other side of the hallway and opened a door across from the study. “This is the guest bedroom, where you’ll be staying.”

Jess took a step inside. Immediately she started coughing.

“I guess it’s gotten pretty dusty in here.” Emily cleared her throat. “Haven’t had any guests in…ever. I’ll clean it later.”

After that Emily showed Jess the remaining rooms, namely the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room. “I’ve got a pool in my backyard, but it’s covered. I don’t really use it.”

“A pool? Oh man, I haven’t gone swimming in years.” Jess was momentarily ecstatic – then her enthusiasm dissipated. “Wait, it’s outside though. I won’t be going out there.”

“Eventually you will.”

“How long are you planning on letting me stay here?”

Emily shrugged. “A couple weeks? Couple months? I don’t know, as long as I can stand you I guess.”

Jess laughed. “That’s meeean.”

Her speech was slowing down considerably. The high must have been setting in. Emily tried not to think about it. When she did she could feel her stomach wrenching into knots.

Jess pulled on Emily’s hand. “Show me the rest of your house.”

“That’s all of it.”

“Wha?” Jessica tilted her head. “I thought you had, like, a mansion…”

“Sorry it’s not up to your standards, Princess Jessica.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” Jess waved a hand dismissively. “Actually kinda cozy. I don’t think I’d like a huge house.” She turned to Emily and smiled. “This’ll be fine for us.”

“…Stop talking like we’re getting married. It’s weirding me out.”

“Sorry.” Her devious smile told Emily she wasn’t actually sorry at all.

Upon concluding the house tour, Jessica took up residence at the dining room table, where she set up her laptop. “I’m gonna call Matt,” she announced. “Do you want to talk to him too?”

Emily pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. Jess tapped the camera icon over Matt’s name.

“Hope his wife’s not around,” Emily murmured. “We might get him in trouble.”

“Oh no, she works weekdays. That’s why I’m calling.”

“Oh.” Emily felt a renewed sense of guilt at her own absence from work. But they could survive without her for one day.

Matt answered the call after about thirty seconds. He appeared on the screen with a warm but slightly uncertain smile. “Hey Jess, what’s–”

“Guess where I am!” Jess moved the laptop so Emily was visible. Emily gave him a small wave.

Matt looked around them. His eyes widened a little. “…It’s not your apartment.”

“Nooope.”

“She’s at my house,” Em interjected.

Matt’s eyes looked like they might bulge out of his head. “What?? Are you serious – how did you–”

“I told you I’d help her.” Emily made no attempt to hide the smugness behind her words.

“Holy shit.” Matt shook his head, incredulous. “That quick, though? Damn.”

“So I’m staying with Em for a while. She’s gonna spoil me.”

“ _Right_ ,” Emily replied.

“And in exchange I have to be nice,” Jess continued, “until she signs the prenup.”

“Prenup?” Matt balked. “Wait, are you two, like…”

“She’s joking,” Em cut in.

“Oh!” Matt massaged the back of his neck sheepishly. “I thought maybe…I don’t know what I thought. Nevermind.”

“You should come out and visit us again soon!” Jess shimmied in her chair. “I mean if it’d be okay with Emily.”

Matt and Jess both looked to her.

“Sure, I guess,” Em said. “I’m still super busy, but when I’m not I guess you could hang out here. Your wife won’t get mad about it, will she?”

Matt sighed. “Yeah, but she gets mad about everything. So it doesn’t really matter.”

“You know, if you’re so unhappy you should really get out now.” Emily folded her arms. “If your football career takes off she’s gonna get half your money, and it’s gonna be a big controversy. Do you want that?”

“Well I wouldn’t want to leave her with nothing. I mean, if I had money to spare then I wouldn’t really mind her taking some of it.”

“This is why people take advantage of you, big guy.”

“…You think people take advantage of me?”

Emily and Jessica exchanged a glance.

“Kinda,” Jess admitted.

“So anyway, come visit when you can. Maybe I can help you, too.” Emily shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it. She still had next to no confidence in herself in regards to helping people, but she was riding high on her small success with Jessica.

“I don’t need help.” Matt’s response was immediate. “But I do like spending time with you girls. Um, a lot. Maybe I could catch a flight out your way sometime soon so I don’t have to drive five hours.”

“We’d looove to see you.” Jess kissed two fingertips and, with a small smile, touched them lightly to the camera. Matt laughed a little, though it was almost more of a giggle. God, this kid was still just as much an awkward romantic as he was back in high school.

“You will,” he replied with a grin. “Both of you.”

His damn smile was contagious. Emily tried to maintain an apathetic demeanor in the face of it, but failed miserably. She averted her eyes as she felt a smile curl the edges of her mouth just the tiniest bit. She couldn’t help but remember how good he was to her the night of the reunion. In the past she’d been drawn to cocky assholes, so Matt hadn’t had much appeal other than as a rebound. Unfortunately she still had a thing for jerks, as evidenced by her fling with Mike, but she also had a much clearer idea of the kind of partner that would actually be good for her.

She quickly reminded herself that Matt was off the market. For now.

“So I think I’m gonna spend some more time with Emily now, if that’s okay.” Jessica shifted her playful gaze over to Em. “We should talk again soon!”

“Oh, yeah, go ahead!” Matt held his hands out in a submissive gesture. “Em, let me know when you think you’ll have a free day or two and I’ll plan to come up there. I’m in the off-season right now and training hasn’t started yet, so I got plenty of free time.”

“Okay. I’ll keep in touch.”

“Great. Um, see ya then…then.” He shrugged, still grinning. “Talk to you both soon.”

“Bye, Matt!” Jess waved at him.

Emily simply nodded. “See you later.”

Jess ended the call.

“He’s so sweet,” she murmured. “He should come stay with us, too. Get away from Queen Jenn for a while.”

“This isn’t a boarding house.” Or a halfway house, as it seemed to be turning into.

“Yeah, but think about it. You could have a cute girl _and_ a cute guy living with you.” Jess trailed her fingers down Emily’s arm. Emily tried not to roll her eyes. Again, she failed. Nostalgia had clouded her memory. She’d forgotten just how much of a pain in the ass her best friend could be.

“My life was so boring a week ago,” she muttered to herself. “What the hell happened?”


	11. Maybe That's Just What I Need

_One week later_

**_DARKNESS!!_ **

**_IMPRISONING ME!!_ **

**_ALL THAT I SEE!!_ **

**_ABSOLUTE HORROR!!_ **

**_I CANNOT LIVE!!_ **

**_I CANNOT DIE!!_ **

**_TRAPPED IN MYSELF!!_ **

**_BODY MY HOLDING CEEEEELLLL!!_ **

Emily pried one eye open, then grumbled under her breath as she pulled her blanket over her head.

**_LANDMINE!!_ **

**_HAS TAKEN MY SIGHT!!_ **

**_TAKEN MY SPEECH!!_ **

**_TAKEN MY HEARING!!_ **

**_TAKEN MY ARMS!!_ **

**_TAKEN MY LEGS!!_ **

**_TAKEN MY SOUL!!_ **

**_LEFT ME WITH LIFE IN HELLLLLL!!_ **

“Oh for Christ’s sake…” Emily picked up one of her slippers from beside her bed and hurled it at her bedroom door. It banged off the wood with a _thunk_ and a resounding rattle.

The music stopped. “Sorry!” Jess’ muffled voice echoed from the guest bedroom.

Emily rolled her eyes. Much as she tried, unfortunately, she found she couldn’t make herself be truly mad about this sort of thing. Jess had brought so much life to her boring home. Her morning routine was now accompanied by the musical stylings of Jessica and her apparently-undying love of heavy metal, and that was something Emily reluctantly accepted. Of course, she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t a shock to her system – she was still accustomed to having absolutely everything precisely her own way. But the price of having everything her way had been utter solitude. And she didn’t want to be alone anymore.

Another song started up, much quieter this time. Emily decided to just get up. A glance at her alarm clock told her it was six-fifteen in the morning. If previous mornings were any indication, Jess had probably been up since four or five. She’d mentioned to Emily that she struggled to stay asleep at night, but she was constantly falling asleep during various times of the day. A quick internet search had informed Emily that this was a common problem among users.

Sometimes she’d hear Jess creeping through the house in the middle of the night as well. Upon asking her about it, Jess had confessed that sometimes a dose before bed didn’t carry her through until morning. She’d awaken to the start of withdrawals and have to re-dose in the middle of the night.

They’d yet to make any real progress in that regard. Thankfully Jess was being good about her needles – Emily had not found a single one lying about in the past week. However, apparently while Emily had been at work on Thursday Jess’ roommate Alicia had stopped by and an “exchange” had been made. The thought of a drug deal going on in her own house, especially while she wasn’t even there, made Emily a bit nauseous. She’d made Jessica promise in the future to either conduct it while Emily was around to watch the house, or to at least give her warning the day it was going to happen so she could conceal any valuables. She was considering installing security cameras too, just in case. Who knew what these strangers could be taking from her house? Like Matt had said, they were desperate.

She could hear the start of a new song as she stepped into her bathroom and turned the shower on. All throughout her shower she could hear Jess quietly singing along to the music. Her small, pure voice starkly contrasted the gritty male vocalists she was accompanying. It wasn’t an unpleasant sound, even if Emily wasn’t wild about metal.

She couldn’t help but smile just the tiniest bit as she thought back on the first time she’d been exposed to Jessica’s eclectic musical taste. When she was with Emily or the other girls she’d partake in “typical” tween girl music, pop and hip-hop and whatever was on the Top 40 radio stations. Then one time when Emily was over Jess’ house she’d discovered a stack of heavy-, death-, and black metal CDs piled beside Jess’ pink Hello Kitty radio. That was when Jessica had told her about her Super Cool Uncle Eric, who used to play in an amateur thrash metal band and introduced her to the genre when she was a little girl. Emily had met Uncle Eric a few times. She remembered him as being very scary-looking. Jessica, of course, wasn’t intimidated by him at all. Emily still held a vivid mental snapshot of the time she’d seen Uncle Eric, with his long, wild hair, in his sleeveless Slayer tee that exposed all of his arm tattoos, walking hand-in-hand with his young niece, who was wearing a pink and white spring dress and had her hair in cutesy pigtails tied with purple bows.

The memory got her to wondering if any of Jess’ family knew what she was going through now. She hadn’t mentioned even her parents since arriving at Emily’s house.

**_This body_ **

**_This body holding me_ **

**_Be my reminder here that I am not alone in_ **

**_This body_ **

**_This body holding me_ **

**_Feeling eternal_ **

**_All this pain is an illusion_ **

Em had heard this song before. It seemed to be on frequent rotation in Jess’ playlist.

The lengthy song was just ending by the time Emily was finished with her shower. As she was toweling off Jess started another song. This one was completely indecipherable – just drums and screaming. Emily tuned it out as she selected her outfit for the day.

 After getting dressed, she knocked on Jessica’s bedroom door. Her ears relished in sweet relief as the screaming paused. “Jess, do you want breakfast yet?”

“Eh, I don’t know,” came Jessica’s response through the door.

“Well I’m about to go make it. So eat now or lose out.”

She knew if she didn’t give her an ultimatum Jess would just stall until the normal time window for eating breakfast had passed. Apparently she had barely eaten while living in her apartment. Emily was trying to ensure she got on a regular eating schedule. With any luck, she hoped it might help to take Jessica’s mind somewhat off her “other” cravings.

“Okay, okay.” Light footsteps padded inside the room. Moments later Jessica opened the door. She was dressed in a slouchy t-shirt and short shorts. A step up from the bra and underwear she usually sported. She offered Emily a small smile. “Hi. Sorry about the music earlier. I hope it wasn’t too loud after that.”

“I can’t believe you never grew out of that crap,” Emily replied.

“Crap??” Jess drew back theatrically. “And what do _you_ listen to these days?”

“ _Good_ stuff.” Emily hoped Jess realized she was teasing. Thankfully Jessica alleviated that fear by playfully smacking Emily on the arm and making a faux-offended huff at her.

“Let’s go make breakfast, bitch.” Jess seized Em by the arm and practically dragged her down the hallway. “I’m feeling pancakes today.”

As Emily allowed herself to be dragged by Jess, she momentarily reflected on how easily they’d fallen right back into their old patterns. Despite living under Emily’s roof on Emily’s dime, Jessica had all but taken over in the house. That was the way their friendship had always been. Jessica shone like the sun, a beacon that all living creatures seemed drawn toward. She led the way and commanded total attention without even having to work for it. Comparing Emily to the moon in such an analogy would probably be an overstatement – she was more like an insignificant chunk of space debris that had somehow been scooped up and yanked into orbit around her radiant best friend.

Part of her had always envied Jess’ seemingly-effortless ability to win people over. Emily would’ve killed to possess even a scrap of her charisma. With so many others drawn to Jess, Emily used to constantly wonder, _why me?_ Why was Emily Jess’ designated best friend? They weren’t alike in every way. They weren’t alike in _most_ ways. Constant fear of replacement had driven Emily to adopt a sort of submissive underling role in their friendship. She managed to convince herself that it was the only way Jess would continue to find use for her, and that anything less than utter acquiescence would result in her only true friend abandoning her.

The worst two nights of her life had been indirectly caused by those fears. She followed Jessica into everything. Even things that ended up getting people hurt…and killed.

Even though she had little such fear now, she still found herself falling into step behind, rather than beside, Jessica. And that was not what either of them needed right now. Jessica especially did not need an opinionless minion – she needed someone who was willing to take charge and help her get her life back on track. Em knew that.

Jessica opened a cabinet and began laying out silverware and plates for the two of them. Emily grabbed the box of pancake mix she’d picked up at the store (per Jessica’s request), and some eggs and milk from her fridge. It was a little strange to see the fridge stocked with food these days. Usually Em just bought exactly what she needed and nothing more. However, since she was trying to keep Jess eating, she’d decided to stock up a little.

The kitchen as a whole was no longer a dead giveaway that she was a lonely bachelorette.

She retrieved a skillet from her cookware cabinet and set it on the stove. “You wanna break the eggs and stuff?” she asked. “There should be a mixing bowl in one of the overhead cabinets.”

A moment later Jess appeared at her side with a bowl. Emily gestured to the counter. Jessica set it down there.

“Okay, so you’ve cracked eggs before, right?”

Jess hesitated.

“…You haven’t?”

“Maybe like, once or twice, a long time ago,” she murmured. “I don’t really have things like that in my apartment. Mostly I just eat, like, stuff I can order online. Eggs don’t ship very well.”

Emily rubbed her chin. “Okay. Then how about you grease the pan and I’ll break the eggs.” She nodded to an aerosol can a few feet from the stovetop. Jess picked it up and eagerly sprayed the inside of the skillet.

After carefully cracking the two eggs, Emily pulled a whisk from her silverware drawer and prepared to mix everything together in the bowl.

 

* * *

 

Their culinary handiwork was less-than-stellar, but it got the job done. They were pancakes.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” Emily served a heaping stack onto Jessica’s plate, then piled on some whipped cream and blueberries. Jess made a slight face at the berries – she had argued for butter and syrup, but Emily insisted berries were healthier, and so they’d compromised with healthy blueberries and sugary whipped cream.

“I have a session with a client at 3. He paid for forty-five minutes, which is long for that sort of thing…and expensive.” Jess waggled her eyebrows. “Other than that, I don’t really have any plans.”

“Maybe you can look into finding a new counselor.”

Jess immediately closed off. Unfazed, Emily waited for a response.

“I don’t like counseling,” Jess said. “I can’t tell them what I’ve actually been through, so when I tell them about the monsters outside they think I’m really crazy.”

On some level, Emily understood. They’d all struggled with counselors after The Incident. Emily’s mother had pushed her to try just one session, but after sitting in silence for the entirety of said session the counselor had told her mother that Emily was “uncooperative”. Offended, her mother never made her go back.

“There’s gotta be someone out there who could help you,” she said anyway. “Maybe try looking for people who are more open-minded about, you know, that kind of stuff. I’m sure we could find some new-age-y counselor somewhere who would believe us. Even if you just have to have online sessions with them or something.”

Jess groaned under her breath. “Fine. I’ll _look_. I probably won’t find anybody I like, though.”

“Find a few people, at least, and show them to me.”

Jess sighed, but she wore a wry smile. “Yes, ma’am.”

“God, not that again.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it. I think it’s the suit.”

Emily rolled her eyes, self-consciously adjusting her blazer.

Jess’ amused smile remained even as she took her first bite of pancake. “These are good, by the way.” She spoke with a full mouth, the way one would while in the company of someone with whom one felt absolutely comfortable.

“Nice table manners, skank.” Emily responded in kind. A chunk of blueberry fell out of her mouth and landed in a puddle of whipped cream on her plate.

Jessica broke out in a grin. “Cute.”

“Fuck off.”

“So why are you all dressed up today anyway?” Jess asked. “It’s a damn Saturday.”

“I don’t know, can’t I just want to look nice, even on a weekend?”

“Wait, is it for… _moi_?” She pointed to herself, feigning bashfulness. “Oh Emily, that’s so sweet! But you don’t need to wear a ladysuit to impress me. I thought you were cute in those Chococat PJs you used to wear to our sleepovers.”

“How do you even remember that?”

“I have my ways.”

Emily took another bite of her pancakes. “Well just for the record, it’s not for you. It’s for myself. I just like looking nice.”

“Uh-huh. Okay.”

“Seriously, don’t flatter yourself.”

Jessica giggled. “Too late.”

They finished their breakfast quietly. Emily feigned annoyance at Jessica’s teasing. Every so often Jess would catch her eye and make a face at her. Emily tried to maintain a stone face, but her averted eyes and her hand in front of her mouth made it all too obvious that she was trying not to laugh.

This was their sixth breakfast together since Jess had moved in. Emily had initially only planned on her staying for a few weeks, just long enough to get accustomed to a better environment, so that when she returned to her apartment she realized how much better she could have it if she got clean and saved for a nicer place. But Emily was liking their routine. She was enjoying Jessica’s company, and the thought of her moving back out and leaving Em alone again spawned a cold heaviness in the pit of her stomach.

Save for Mike, who was almost certainly alone by choice, everyone around her had a family now. Sam had Sarah, Ashley had Chris and their two sons, Matt, well he didn’t seem to be in the best situation, but he _had_ someone. What did Emily have? A cat, a bunch of expensive furniture she mostly never used, and a house full of silence. Waking up to Metallica may not have been something she actively enjoyed, but it was better than waking up to nothing at all.

“You know, Jess,” she said after a long silence, “you can stay here as long as you want.”

Jessica set her fork down, this time actually bothering to chew and swallow before she answered. “Thank you. I won’t stay any longer than I have to, though. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re never a burden.” Emily’s response came so quick she practically cut Jess off. “Ever.”

Jess nodded to herself. “Thanks. I like being here.”

Impulsively, Emily reached across the table and laid her hand atop one of Jessica’s.  Jess’ cheeks warmed to just the slightest shade of pink.

“Let’s do something together,” Emily said.

“I thought you were gonna run errands today?”

“I can do them later. Or tomorrow.”

Jess pursed her lips. “Are you sure?”

“One-hundred percent.”

Jessica slowly eased back into her usual smile. “Okay. Let’s do something, then.”

 

* * *

 

 “Ohh…look how beautiful it is.” Jess sat cross-legged on the sofa with her laptop on her lap. Emily was beside her, looking over her shoulder as Jess perused the Google Images results of pictures of various foreign countries. Her comment was in regard to a picture of Paris. “I’d love to visit France someday.”

“You could. There’s a whole world out there for you to see.” Emily didn’t want to preach, but she’d take any opportunity to plant a seed of determination within Jessica.

Jess enlarged a picture of a beach. “Ooh, that’s apparently a beach in Spain. It looks so nice.”

“Maybe someday we can take a trip through Europe. We could do it as a group – I bet Sam would love that kind of thing.”

Jess closed the image and sighed. “You could go. I probably never will.”

“You think that right now.” Emily reached over and touched a picture of a bright green pasture. It was taken in Ireland. “I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland. My dad’s side is from there.”

“Oh yeah. I always forget you’re part Irish.”

They looked at a few more pictures. Then Jess closed the browser. Her head was low, and Emily noticed her eyes looked a little wet. “H-hey, don’t cry.” Emily laid an awkward hand on Jessica’s shoulder. She had never been good at consoling people.

Jess shrugged her off. “Sorry.” Her voice cracked a little. “Just, I know I’ll never be able to do things other people can do. Things I used to be able to do. Between the junk and the hallucinations nobody would want to deal with being with me in a foreign country.”

“That’s…not true. And you haven’t been having any hallucinations lately, have you?”

Jess avoided eye contact with her. “I have them every day, Em. I don’t see the world the same way you do.”

“Huh?” The answer caught Emily off guard. “What do you mean?”

“Well for one, sometimes I think you’re in my room with a knife, trying to kill me.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “I would never–”

“I know. That’s how I manage to live my life around them. I tell myself there’s no way they could possibly be real.” She swallowed. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have them pretty much every single day, and that they don’t mess with my life.”

Emily faltered. “Jess, I – I had no idea. Is there any way to alleviate them? Maybe not _cure_ them, but at least something…”

Jessica shrugged her bony shoulders. “I have no idea.”

“That’s why you need a counselor.” Emily pulled her legs up onto the couch like Jess had done. “After we’re done hanging out we should look for one together.”

“Okay, fine.” She closed her laptop and nudged Emily. “But let’s do something else first. I have plenty of time before my three o’clock client.”

 

* * *

 

“Ahahaha!!” Jess waved the laser pointer wildly. She erupted with laughter as Rin darted back and forth, skidding across the marble floor as she attempted to grab at the red dot. “Get it, Rin! Get it!”

Emily watched with a smug smile as Jess tormented her poor cat. It was for the best – Rin needed the exercise anyway. At one point Jess swept the laser up the living room wall. To her astonishment Rin ran at the wall, then clawed her way straight up it. She made it almost to the ceiling before half-jumping, half-falling back to the floor. This spurred such a fit of laughter from Jessica that she lost her balance and fell backwards on her butt. Even on the floor she was still laughing.

“Jeez, Jess.” Emily offered Jessica her hand. “You’re almost as entertaining to watch as the damn cat.”

As soon as Em helped her up Jess was right back at it. Both she and Rin dashed through the house like madwomen, Jess wielding the mighty pointer. They disappeared out into the hallway.

Emily folded her arms, waiting. It took about ten seconds.

**_CRASH!_ **

Massaging her temples, Em called out, “What was that?”

“Nothing…!” Jess mumbled something to herself. Emily heard her pick something up.

With a sigh, Em braced herself and walked out into the hall. “Oh my God.”

Jessica stood beside one of the small tables that, prior to Jess picking it back up after knocking it over, had once held an abstract glass sculpture. One half of a needlessly pricey set. The sculpture itself was in about a million pieces on the floor.

Rin was hiding under the table. Jess’ eyes flicked from her to Emily. “Should I be hiding, too?”

Emily stared down at the broken thing. “You broke my thing.”

“I’m so sorry, Em. I was just, I was running after Rin, and my socks slipped and I couldn’t stop in time, and–”

Emily wandered over to the table that held the matching piece on the opposite side of the hall. “Now it’s not symmetrical. It doesn’t look right.”

“I’m so, so sorry. I – I’ll save up the money to replace it. How much was it?”

Em gingerly picked up the remaining sculpture. She’d purchased the set at an art auction back when she’d first moved into her new house. The only reason she’d bid on the odd pieces was because some guy there had really wanted them. His enthusiasm somehow made them more appealing, and Emily knew then that she had to have them.

She didn’t even like modern art.

Emily ran one hand over the smooth surface of the glass. Then she threw it down as hard as she could. The thing smashed into a thousand glistening shards on the marble floor.

Both Jess and Rin startled at the loud noise. “There,” Em said calmly. “Now it’s symmetrical again.”

Jessica stared down at the mess of glass by their feet. Her eyes, wide with disbelief, slowly lifted to Emily.

“You gave me permission to mess shit up in my house, remember?”

“Oh yeah…I did!” Jessica’s apologetic pout instantly vanished. Em could practically see her trading her halo for her usual pair of horns. “Are you gonna break any more stuff?”

“I don’t know. Should I?”

“Well if you do I’m not gonna help – I don’t want any blame once you come to your senses. But I’ll gladly watch.”

Emily looked around at all the shattered glass. _God, why did I do that._ In the moment it had felt liberating, and she wasn’t going to miss those ugly reminders of her pettiness, but now she just had to clean it all up. Being a responsible adult sucked.

Rin picked her way over the glass and high-tailed it back into the living room. Emily sighed. “Forget it. I’ll just clean this mess up.”

“I’ll help.” Jess stepped cautiously over the glass. “Where do you keep your broom and dustpan?”

 

* * *

 

Forty-five minutes later the glass shards were swept and thrown away and the tiniest bits were vacuumed up. Emily dumped them all in the outside trash.

Jessica, after apologizing a few more times for good measure, had eventually disappeared into her room. That was shortly before 3 o’clock. Em realized she must have been getting ready for her “appointment”.

She couldn’t shake her disgust at the thought of pervy men using Jess to jack off. Jess claimed not to mind it. She said it gave her a sense of power over them, using her “feminine wiles” to take their money and give them nothing physical in return. But in her more vulnerable moments she occasionally mentioned how their words – it was apparently par for the course for them to call her a slut, a whore, and a bimbo among other, sometimes worse things – stayed with her long after the session was over.

Jessica didn’t deserve to be called those things. And those disgusting men didn’t deserve to even _look_ at Jess, much less treat her like shit while doing so.

She overheard Jess giggling as she passed the guest bedroom. The door was open a crack, Em realized. Against her better judgment, she leaned over and peeked inside.

Jess lay across the guest bed with her laptop open. There was no face on the screen – just a gray placeholder avatar – but she could make out a male voice addressing Jessica.

Jess giggled again, flopping onto her back like a cat waiting to have its belly rubbed. She was already down to her bra and underwear. The man then murmured something else. Jess sat back up. “Sorry,” she replied in a breezy, ditzy voice that was not her own. “How’s this?”

She knelt in front of the laptop. In a slow, sensual gesture she reached around and unhooked her bra, then slipped it down her arms and dropped it to the bedspread. Emily’s angle shielded her from a full view, but she could see Jess lick the tips of her first two fingers and then rub them in slow circles presumably around her nipples. As she did so, she moaned lightly and gyrated her hips against the bed.

 _I should leave her alone._ Emily took a small step back, but her eyes were still fixed on her best friend. Jessica ran her hands down her stomach, then caressed the inside of her thighs. A low, sexy growl emerged from deep in her throat as she teased her anonymous client.

Emily felt a surge of emotion course through her. This cowardly fuck didn’t deserve Jessica. No man did. Her hands involuntarily balled into fists, her nails chewing the flesh of her palms. She bit her lip.

At one point Jessica tossed her hair over her shoulder. For the moment her head was turned her eyes locked briefly with Emily’s.

Emily stumbled back from the door. Not sure what else to do, she fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are from "One" by Metallica and "Parabola" by Tool. Metalhead Jess is real and I accept her in my heart


	12. Light with a Sharpened Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains (well, basically IS) a sex scene. So if you're not into that kind of thing, you can skip this chapter with minimal impact to the story. :P On that note, I will be trying to upload chapters quicker than once a week after this, because I'm excited for some later chapters and really want to move the story along quicker.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

 “You look lonely there in your big bed.”

Jess leaned against the doorframe of Emily’s bedroom.

Emily looked up from her phone. “I’m not.”

“No?”

“No. I’ve had company here. It’s not as nice as being alone in it.”

Jessica slinked a little further into the room. “Who’s been lucky enough to make it into Emily’s queen bed?”

“No one who was worthy of it.” Emily leaned back against her myriad of pillows and set her phone down on her nightstand. She hadn’t been doing anything with it anyway. Just trying to pass the time.

Their eyes met as Jess sauntered over to the foot of her bed. “Bad memories?”

“Kind of.” Emily moved over and let Jess sit on the bed’s edge.

Jess crossed her legs, shaking one foot idly. “You know, I saw you.”

Emily averted her eyes, taking a sudden interest in her bland, minimalist black-and-white bedroom décor.

“You knew what I was doing, Em. You didn’t have to see it to know.”

“They don’t deserve you,” Emily mumbled.

Jess leaned down a little, accidentally exposing a bit of cleavage from beneath her oversized t-shirt. “Hm?”

Emily tried to avoid looking at her. Even as she was now, Jess was still beautiful – and she still appealed to Emily in ways she’d never fully wished to acknowledge. In her youth she’d feared those feelings, as if they were going to tear apart the very fibers of her existence if she so much as dared to entertain them. Now that game just seemed so…trivial.

“They don’t deserve you.” Emily spoke more clearly the second time.

“Oh.” Jessica rubbed her forearm awkwardly. “Well, they help me make a living, so…”

“I know.” Emily settled her gaze upon her at last. “I just hate it.”

Jessica reached a hand out and settled it on Emily’s shoulder. Emily tensed, but didn’t pull away. “I don’t feel any kind of way about those guys,” she said. “When they disconnect, they’re gone.”

“Okay, whatever.” Emily kept her gaze averted.

Jess hesitated. “But, you know, there are some people in my life that I really love. People I wouldn’t mind baring everything for, and not as a business thing.”

Emily rested her hand on the bedspread, a few inches from Jess’ leg. “This bed’s full of bad memories,” she repeated, “but…maybe they could be overwritten by good ones.”

“Yeah?” Jessica’s lips curled into a tiny smile.

“Yeah.” Emily couldn’t muster a full smile, but Jess’ reaction told her Jess got the point. “Know where I can find any?”

“I _might_ be able to help you with that.” Jess got up and walked around to the other side of the bed, where she then slipped in under the covers. Emily flashed back again to the old days. Her hand sought out Jessica’s under the blanket. Jess took it, and squeezed it tenderly.

“I thought I knew how to be an adult by this point,” Emily said. “But I’m starting to realize I don’t actually know a fucking thing about it.”

“Same here.” Jessica propped herself up by one elbow and looked down fondly upon Emily. “At least you have your shit together, though.”

Emily laughed mirthlessly. “I do?”

“Definitely. You’re a CEO! You’re rich, you have your own house, your own car, your license…”

“I fucked Mike last week,” she blurted.

An abrupt silence fell over the two of them. Jessica stared at her, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, as if she were trying – and failing – to produce a response.

Finally she made a small sound.

“You did?”

Emily squeezed her eyes shut and massaged her temples. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ve just been hating myself for it ever since.”

Jessica’s gaze softened. “Are those the bad memories?”

Emily nodded. “Apparently all it takes is some basic fucking decency and I’m reduced to a quivering mess with no self-respect.”

Jess’ hand remained linked with Emily’s as she drew closer to Em under the blankets. “You said you wanted to overwrite those memories.”

“You’d still want to be near me after me telling you that?”

Jessica’s answer came in the form of a soft peck on Emily’s cheek. Emily turned to face her. Jess looked so beautiful draped in Emily’s expensive blankets and her own threadbare but oddly cute clothing. It was like their sleepovers of old, but it was different now. They were no longer two giggling girls swapping juicy gossip. They were women. Two women…but Emily was finding that that didn’t really seem to matter to her all that much anymore. She felt she would be attracted to Jessica no matter what gender she was.

Emily caught Jess as she was moving back from her cheek kiss. She planted her lips on the soft flesh of Jess’ throat. Jess made a tiny noise of surprise, but did not resist. In fact she practically melted into Emily’s arms when Em nibbled at her neck. Her hands found their way to Emily’s back and began toying with her shirt, teasing her as she exposed just the tiniest bit of her skin.

The way Jess’ breathing turned shallow and ragged excited Emily more than she’d anticipated. She drew back from her momentarily, taking in the sight of her stunning best friend.

Jess licked her lips, drawing Emily’s attention to them. She’d wanted to kiss those lips since she’d first started feeling feelings like that. Back when she thought girls could only kiss boys. When she used to fantasize about if she were a boy and Jess was her loving girlfriend. When she’d filled an entire notebook with weird and probably terrible poetry that she’d convinced herself was from the perspective of a random male and definitely, one hundred percent not from her own point of view.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Jess asked, breaking Emily out of her nostalgia.

Emily faltered. Saying “yes” was a direct admission of her feelings. Of all the things she’d labored to conceal way back when. But saying “no” would yank away the chance at something she’d wanted for literal decades now.

In that best friend way of hers, Jessica picked up on Emily’s hesitation and rephrased the question. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

That was perfect. It took some of the weight of confession off Emily’s shoulders, and wouldn’t make her responsible for actually initiating the act. “Yes,” she said breathlessly. “Please, yes.”

In the next instant Jessica’s lips greeted Emily’s, with all of Jess’ usual enthusiasm. It was like nothing Emily had ever felt before. Her lips were so soft, and her chin and cheeks didn’t scratch Em with stubble like she was used to. Her heart fluttered as Jess placed a hand under Emily’s chin and held her gently in place.

Kissing Jess was so different from kissing Mike. She didn’t feel like Jess was attempting to dominate or placate her. She felt like kissing an equal. A perfect counterpart in size, power, and firsthand knowledge of all the right ways a girl liked to be kissed.

It didn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, with Jess and Em both tugging each other closer. Emily surprised them both in settling one hand on the front of Jess’ shirt. Jess broke the kiss just long enough to look down at Em’s hand, and then up at her face.

“Is…this okay?” Emily asked awkwardly.

Jess smiled a slow smile. “Oh, it’s more than okay.”

With Jessica’s say-so Emily clumsily ran her hands over Jess’ chest. She’d never touched another woman like that before. Jess giggled as she guided Em’s hands up under her shirt. Emily squished the padding of Jess’ bra, hesitant to delve beneath it. Taking the initiative, Jess pulled her own shirt off and tossed it to the floor. Then she reached around and unhooked her bra.

“Pull it off,” she said, leaning toward Emily. Now unhooked, her bra could easily be yanked off. Uncertainly, Emily tucked one finger between the cups of the bra and then eased it down Jessica’s arms. It slid off, exposing Jess’ ample breasts.

Emily balked. Jess giggled some more. “You like?”

Emily nodded dumbly. They were nothing like hers. Her own breasts were small and rather angular. Jessica’s were large, round, and inviting. So inviting, in fact, that she couldn’t resist sinking her hands into them and molding the squishy flesh between her fingers. Jessica made a tiny sound of pleasure. Emily felt her nipples harden against her palms.

Jess leaned back, allowing Emily to kneel over her and explore more of her upper body. It was strange – as someone who owned all the same parts Emily would have assumed playing with another woman’s body wouldn’t be very interesting or exciting. God, was she ever wrong. There were so many differences, some tiny, some massive, that all came together to form a totally new and interesting thing for Em to investigate.

She hesitated a little over the faded scars that crossed Jess’ chest. She didn’t want to let Jess catch on to what she was looking at, so she moved past them and tried to distract herself away from dwelling on the painful reminders. Thankfully she had a lot to be distracted by.

One of Jessica’s hands reached up and tangled into Emily’s hair. She combed through it a few times, then pulled Emily down closer to her chest.

“What are you doing?” Em asked.

“Just wanna try something. See if you like it.”

With just enough force for Emily to find strangely exciting, Jess pushed Em’s head down until Emily was practically smushed against her breasts.

“Put your mouth on me,” Jess said.

“On you?”

Jessica guided her to the nipple of her right breast. “Open your mouth.”

“What? Why–”

Jessica arched her back a little, pushing herself into Emily’s mouth. “Try suckling on it.”

“Are you serious?” she asked, her words partially obscured by Jess’ flesh in her mouth.

Jess simply laughed in response.

Unsure whether she was joking or not, Emily gingerly closed her lips around Jess’ perky nipple and suckled uncertainly on it.

Jess moaned quietly, stroking Emily’s hair some more. “Mm. I love that.”

As much as she was loathe to admit it, something about the act turned Emily on quite a bit. She ran her tongue over Jess’ sensitive flesh, looking up into her best friend’s eyes as she did so. Jessica played with Em’s hair some more, but she was also subtly pushing Emily’s head down. Keeping her in place.

Even though she’d technically been more intimate with other people in the past, for some reason she felt more connected to Jess in that moment than she’d felt with anyone else before. It was just such an intimate position, her head being cradled, her hair stroked while she pleasured Jess with only her lips and tongue.

She wondered how it would feel to pleasure her in other places. Or to _be_ pleasured by her.

As if reading her mind, one of Jessica’s hands began to creep up the front of Emily’s top. Emily groaned softly as Jess went in for the kill, sliding both hands under her simple black bra and grasping Emily with her warm, eager fingers…

Jessica laughed again, snapping Emily out of her increasingly-aroused mess of thoughts.

“What?”

Jess ceased her laughter. “Nothing.”

“What was so funny?”

Jessica tittered a bit. “They’re just…so little.”

It took Emily a second to realize Jess was talking about her boobs. “Hey, screw you. I don’t need big boobs. They’d just get in the way.”

“Oh, I agree! And you’re right, they really do.” Jessica massaged her some more. Emily’s flash of annoyance began to dissipate as her brain directed more and more attention to the possibility of sex and very little else. She felt as though she could simply melt under Jessica’s soothing caress. No man had ever touched her like this.

Emily barely remembered removing her shirt, or her bra. She was too lost in the kisses they were exchanging and the fact that Jess had pressed her bare flesh against Emily’s and it was cold and yet warm and she was rubbing her hardened nipples against Emily’s and _oh my God_. She felt as if she could climax right then and there. No man had ever touched her like this because no man she’d slept with held the exhaustive knowledge of the way her body worked that Jess did. Em used to think Mike knew every trick to pleasing a woman. But he had never given her upper half enough attention to practically bring her to orgasm simply from that alone.

At that moment she began to feel a little sorry for all the women who believed they’d never be pleasured by anyone more talented than Mike Munroe. That group, of course, included her past self.

Suddenly Jessica dipped her head. A moment later Emily felt an enveloping, wet warmth as Jess suckled her like Em had done. She could see why Jessica enjoyed it so much. It was pleasurable, it drove her mad with lust, but it was also strangely relaxing, in a way. A garbled moan fled Emily’s throat as she closed her eyes and focused on nothing but Jessica’s sweet, rhythmic suckling.

“Oh my God, Jess.”

Emily felt her legs spreading, pretty much of their own volition. That tended to happen when she was aroused – her body’s way of reminding her it was ready for action at any time.

Jess glanced down at Emily’s newly spread-eagled position. They were both still wearing their pants, but something made Jess smile again. This time she didn’t offer an explanation. Emily followed her gaze downward, then realized with flushed cheeks what she was looking at. The crotch of Em’s pants had a conspicuous damp patch right where her sweet spot was.

“Somebody’s excited.” Jess laid a hand on Emily’s inner thigh. Emily sucked in a shallow breath. “Do you want to go all the way?”

“Yes. Yes please,” Emily’s words were run together, but Jess apparently managed to understand them. The gleam in her eye told Emily she was greatly enjoying seeing her in this state of horny desperation.

Jessica slipped one hand down from Emily’s breasts and planted it firmly on the waist of Emily’s pants. Emily felt her already-wet-and-ready nether regions dampen even further.

“Take your pants off, sweetie,” Jess said.

The command was demeaning, yet it worked some strange magic on Emily. She immediately obeyed it. Hell, if Jessica had told her to pant and roll over at that point she probably would’ve done that, too. She was feeling some kind of way, and apparently learning a whole lot of new things about herself.

After tossing her pants to the floor, Emily sat and waited anxiously as Jess licked her first three fingers and slipped them under the band of Emily’s panties. The moistened fingers ran torturously lower and lower, until they met with Emily’s most tender area. To Em’s surprise, instead of just shoving up inside her, Jess took her time rubbing and teasing the outer layers of flesh. Emily lay back and spread her legs wider. The pleasure was overwhelming, blocking out all rational thought. She took in every beautiful bare inch of Jessica as Jess stroked her at first slowly, and then at an increasing pace.

By the time Jess opted to pull Emily’s underwear off they were completely soaked. She made a face at Emily as she dropped them away from the rest of their clothes on the floor. “Damn, girl, you’re like a faucet.”

“Your fault…for getting me to this point…” Emily panted.

Without any clothing to get in the way, Jess finally slipped inside her. Her free hand traced circles on Emily’s lower stomach in the meantime, applying a little pressure with her palm and somehow adding to the already-maddening pleasure her other hand was providing. Emily could do little but gaze lovingly up at her, taking in the way her body moved, and how her breasts swayed just the tiniest bit with each rhythmic thrust of her fingers.

At one point Jessica’s pace hit her just right. Emily wanted to tell her to maintain that pace, but she couldn’t even gasp out the sentence. Her pleasure levels were rising with each passing second. The most she could do was nod and moan.

Jessica seemed to get the hint – she continued at that same speed until Emily felt a shudder run through her and then a sudden warmth spreading through her body. She moaned as the force of the orgasm claimed her for several long seconds.

When finally her body cooled down and she began to think rational thoughts again, Emily noticed Jess was smiling down at her. “I felt that,” she said. “It felt like you were trying to grab me and pull me in.”

Emily flopped backwards on the bed and took in several slow, deep breaths. “I think that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”

“Now you owe me one.” Jess winked at her. “And by the way, I don’t usually top. I just took one for the team this time. Next time…”

Emily wiped the sweat from her forehead. “Pretty cocky assuming there’s going to be a next time.”

Jess held up her hand. It was so soaked with Emily’s juices that globs of it were dripping off onto the bedspread.

“I think there’s gonna be a next time.”

Emily pushed her away with her foot. “Hate you, bitch.”

“Love you, too.”

As soon as the aftershocks wore off and Em was in full control of her body again, she sat up and eyed Jessica. “So…I owe you one, huh?”

“I mean, it would be _nice_.” Jess batted her lashes.

A tiny smile found its way onto Emily’s lips. “Fine. I hope you’re ready now.”

Jess squeaked with delight as Emily descended upon her.


	13. Girl in Shining Armor

Two weeks had passed since Jessica moving in with Emily, and one week since they’d turned their relationship from best friends to something entirely new and different. Jess slept in Emily’s bed now. Virtually every morning Em woke to Jess flopped on top of her, often hugging Emily like a comforting pillow.

That morning was no different. Emily awoke to Jess clutching her as if she were some sort of stuffed animal. Em roused her with a gentle tap. Jessica’s eyes fluttered open and, as usual, she sheepishly released Emily. Emily crawled over to her own side of the bed, acting coy as she typically did.

They had yet to decide what their friendship had actually become. Or at least Emily hadn’t. They’d had sex three times now, each session going a little further than the last. Jess had taken to calling her various pet names – her favorite seemed to be “cutie pie”, but she was fond of more ridiculous names as well.

“Morning, snookie wookums.” Jess followed Em over to her side of the bed. Emily tried to climb out before Jess could grab her again, but she did not succeed. “Aw no, you’re not getting away that easy.”

“Bitch, let go. I have to get ready for work.” She used to get up at six-thirty on the dot every morning. Now it was almost seven and she was still tangled up in blankets. On top of that, she’d barely even managed six hours of sleep. Her late night sexcapades with Jessica had shot her sleep schedule completely to hell.

Her brain conjured a random mental image of her telling her inferiors, _Sorry I haven’t been very productive lately. These days I’m up late getting eaten out by my childhood gal pal._

She tried not to laugh at the absurd thought. Honestly though, her colleagues probably wouldn’t be too surprised. They all thought she was a lesbian anyway.

Jess reluctantly released her. “Okay, fine. Get ready for work.”

Emily climbed out of the bed. Before walking away she bent down, and Jess leaned up. Their lips met for a tender moment. Then Jess pushed her away with a giggle. “Go, you’re gonna be late.”

Emily sighed as she wandered away from the bed. The thought of spending all day away from her house wasn’t nearly as appealing as it used to be.

 

* * *

 

She was particularly nasty to her inferiors that day. She didn’t know if it was the lack of sleep or the lack of any desire to be there, or maybe both, but she was in rare form that shift.

“Did I _ask_ for no sugar?” Emily thrust the coffee back into her assistant’s hands. “Or did you just assume you know what I want better than I do?”

A splash of the boiling-hot coffee spilled out and just missed her assistant’s hand. “No, you didn’t,” he replied, taking a step backward. “I’m sorry. I’ll make you another one.”

“So now I have to wait, because of _your_ incompetence.” Emily crossed her arms. “You know your internship can be terminated at any time.”

The boy hurried off down the hall. Still scowling, Emily fixed her glare on him until he disappeared from view. _Why are men such idiots?_ She’d wanted a female intern. Then HR had given her some bullshit about how they “couldn’t discriminate based on gender”, and the next thing Emily knew she was stuck with this useless college boy.

He returned a minute later with a new cup of coffee. “All they had in the break room was Splenda. I hope that’s okay–”

Emily snatched the coffee from him. “You know, someday when you’re trying to make a business deal you’re not gonna want to say to your potential partner ‘ _I hope you don’t mind settling for something you don’t want!_ ’ It makes you look like a useless moron.”

The boy swallowed, then glanced down the hall. “Um, okay. Good to know. So…I’m gonna go now. You can, uh, you can call me if you need me…”

“Oh, I _can_? How generous of you.” Emily turned back to her computer. “I’ll be sure to call if I need something fucked up for me.”

Her assistant disappeared down the hall, leaving her door wide open. With a snarl Emily got up and slammed it.

With any luck she’d get that boy (what was his name? She’d never even bothered to learn it) to resign before she had to go through the annoyance of filing for a termination.

She took a sip of her imperfect coffee. It didn’t really taste any different from coffee with real sugar, but why should she let people think she was okay with accepting less than she’d asked for? It was a slippery slope there.

She felt a little less cranky after getting her caffeine fix. She banged out several soulless corporate e-mails and resumed work on the revised company mission statement she’d been tinkering with here and there for a few weeks. Every so often she’d glance over at her phone on the desk, secretly hoping for a distraction. But no such distraction came. Jess was adamant about not disturbing her at work. Even when Emily texted Jess first, unless it was something of dire importance Jess rarely answered beyond a “yes” or an “ok”. Emily knew it was for the best, but it annoyed her. She didn’t want to be sitting in an office dealing with idiot interns and corporate scrubs. She wanted to be back in her bed. Back in Jess’ arms.

Some time passed before Emily realized she’d just been sitting at her desk, fantasizing. _Fuck. I need to focus._

Her mandate to herself lasted about three minutes. Then she had her phone in her hand, pulling up Jessica’s name.

**Hey Jess,** she sent, **Can I ask you something?**

A few seconds later she received a simple **?** in response.

_Okay, I have her attention._ What was something that Jess would definitely want to talk about?

_Oh, I know._

**So I know you’ve been asking about me maybe inviting Sam over**

Jess’ response was immediate. **Yeah?**

**Well, I could probably do that**

Jess sent back a grinning emoji. **Cool! When?**

Emily chewed her lip. _Fuck, I shouldn’t have used that._ She didn’t really want to invite people over her house. She wanted to be alone with Jess. But Jess _had_ been asking about Sam ever since she’d moved in, because Emily had mentioned that first day in Jess’ apartment that Sam had been searching for her.

**I don’t know. What’s good for you?** She was completely stalling. She knew damn well Jess was free anytime.

**I’m free literally any time Em**

_What a surprising answer._ Emily twisted in her office chair, stretching her stiff limbs. She took her sweet time before answering Jess again.

**Okay. I’ll call her later or something.**

**Ok sounds good to me!!**

Emily stared down at the response for a bit. Then she added, **So…what are you up to**

She received an immediate answer. **Get back to work, cutie pie**

Emily huffed. **I am working**

Jess sent a picture of herself with her arms folded and one eyebrow raised.

**Fine, screw you then** , Emily said.

Jessica sent back a heart.

Emily sighed as she set her phone out of reach in her desk drawer and forced herself to keep working.

 

* * *

 

When Emily got home Jess was not waiting for her. “I’m home,” Emily called tentatively, glancing about for a sign of her. Jess almost always met her at the door after work.

She heard a muffled voice from the other end of the house.  It sounded like Jess was talking to someone. Emily cursed under her breath as she realized she might have been calling for Jess while Jess was with one of her clients.

She crept down the hallway to the guest bedroom, where Jess still conducted the majority of her “business”. As she’d expected, Jess’ voice was coming from behind the tightly-closed door of the guest room. Her tone was different from its usual, however – typically when she was working Jess put on a sort of airy, high-pitched voice. Hell, even when she was talking to Matt she was usually upbeat and laughing. At the moment she was speaking in a low, quiet monotone.

Emily rested an ear against the door and listened.

_My parents were good about it for a while, but then the years started passing and…I thought getting my own place would help. I rented an apartment with these two girls I met online. But it didn’t help. And then I got into some really bad stuff. I’m still into it._

Who the hell was she telling this to? Emily thought she heard a feminine voice say something in response, but not much. Jess continued, seemingly with great reluctance.

_Um, not at the moment. I’m actually living with a friend right now. I have been for a couple weeks. …No, it hasn’t really helped with that. But it got me outside for the first time in years._

There came another muffled response from the person she was communicating with.

_Hey, um, you don’t, like, go to the police with this stuff, right?_ Jess asked. _There’s patient confidentiality and stuff?_ _…Okay, good. And, I mean, I’m trying. I’m really trying to stop. But it’s hard. And it’s harder for me because I can’t go anywhere for help. My friend has been trying to help me, and I feel really bad that she’s all mixed up in my problems now. She has enough to deal with already._

Emily blinked. Jess must have chosen a counselor on her own. They’d uncovered a few who were willing to work long-distance over video chat, but they hadn’t narrowed that list down to one. Jess must have taken it upon herself to do so.

 … _About four times a day, usually. When I get up in the morning, in the afternoon, after dinner, then before bed. Sometimes I have to get up in the middle of the night and re-dose though, because I wake up all sweaty and shaky._ _So yeah, sometimes five._

Emily drew back from the door. There had been a couple of times over the last few weeks when Emily had arrived home to find Jessica passed out at the kitchen table, on the couch, or, one time, on the floor. Some of the times it had been difficult to wake her. Each time Emily would feel her heart accelerate as she yelled and shook Jess. In those moments, the sight of those big green eyes finally opening was the biggest relief she could ask for.

She shouldn’t have been listening to Jess’ therapy session. It was disrespectful, and on top of that it was just making her feel bad. How had it become like this? Jessica, the brilliant sun, love and envy of all who walked within her glorious light, relegated to the shadowy corners of life, while Emily, a mere satellite in her orbit, had managed to push forward and achieve nearly everything she’d ever wanted? It just didn’t make sense.

For the millionth time she felt a white-hot but directionless anger. She wanted to be angry at Josh for bringing them all up to that fucking mountain way back when and setting off the chain of events that would change – and in some cases totally fuck up – their entire lives. But he only did it because of what they had done to Hannah and Beth, and he had paid a horrible price for his actions. She could be angry at Hannah for attempting to slaughter them all, but Hannah had only become a monster after being unwittingly possessed by a wicked spirit, after being shamed out of the lodge by the rest of the group’s actions. She never would have ended up in those mines if she hadn’t been run out of the cabin by her own supposed “friends”, by their cruel prank. The prank Emily had been involved in. The prank Jess had concocted in the first place.

Being angry about anything to do with that situation inevitably led just to anger at herself and her best friend. It was a giant, pointless circle.

Emily walked off down the hall before she could hear any more of Jessica’s confessions.

 

* * *

 

Not much was said over dinner that night. Emily wasn’t sure if Jess knew that she’d come home during her therapy session. Had Jess been trying to keep it a secret from her? Maybe she was embarrassed.

Emily wasn’t the type to let something go unsaid. As they were clearing the table she looked to Jess and said, “So how’d the session go?”

Jess hesitated. “It was okay, I guess. The lady is nice. I didn’t tell her everything, but I told her about my, um, ‘habit’. She didn’t seem like she was gonna judge me. I actually picked this lady because her website said she had experience working in a rehab clinic.”

“You picked that one?” When they’d made the list Emily had noticed one of the counselors had that listed on her site. She was glad to hear Jess had selected her.

“Yeah. You know I’d like to get off it, Em. Having someone else who gets it can only help, right?”

“I’d say so.” Emily nodded. “I had no idea you were going to do this today. I’m really glad you did.”

Jess smiled a weak smile. “It’d be nice to have a normal life again. Not just waiting for the next…you know.”

“I know.”

After dinner Jess volunteered to feed Rin. She loved spending time with Emily’s cat. At first Rin had been dismissive of Jess, but the more she played with and cared for her the more Rin had begun to accept her. Emily was still the one she went to most of the time, but occasionally she’d jump up on Jess’s lap and shove her rear end in her face. That was the truest sign of cat love.

“Hey,” Jess said as she was putting Rin’s food away, “so did you call Sam?”

Emily had hoped the topic would be forgotten. “No, not yet. Do you want me to?”

Jess shrugged. “I mean, I’d like to see her. But it’s your house.”

Though she was acting nonchalant about it, the glimmer in her eyes was all too obvious. Emily could only imagine how nauseatingly boring life must be when confined to her small, sterile household. Inviting someone over would probably feel like Christmas.

“I’ll give her a call,” Em said.

Jess immediately lit up.

A few minutes later Emily was dialing Sam. It took Sam a bit to pick up, but she inevitably did.

“Hey Emily,” Sam answered. “What’s up?”

“Hi Sam!” Jess yelled from behind Emily.

Sam responded in turn. “Oh my God, is that – was that Jess? Did you find her?”

“Yeah. I did.”

“That’s great! How’s she doing?”

“She’s, uh, good. Actually that’s kind of why I called. We were wondering if you wanted to come over sometime soon and get caught up with her. You know, since she missed the reunion.”

“Sure, I’d be up for that! At your house? Or hers?”

“Mine,” Emily quickly replied.

“Okay, I can do that. When’s a good time for you?”

“I don’t know, could you do Friday night?”

“Yeah, sure! I’ll stop by after dinner so you don’t have to make me anything.”

“Okay.” Emily was not-so-secretly relieved about not having to throw together some vegan crap for Sam.

She cast a glance over at Jess. Jess was beaming.

“Okay then. I’ll see you two Friday!” Sam’s voice was warm as she and Emily said their goodbyes and then disconnected.

Emily looked to Jess again. “Happy?”

“Very! I missed Sam’s cute face all these years.”

Emily prickled a little. “That’s not why you wanted to see her, right?” Her wavering tone betrayed her attempt at apathy.

There was a devious twinkle in Jess’ eyes. “Hey, I’m not a committed woman. Nobody’s claimed me for their own yet...”

“What the hell does that mean?” Emily gestured to herself. “What about me?”

Jess shrugged. “I haven’t been approached about any sort of real relationship...”

“Do you…” Emily felt her face growing warmer. “Do you _want_ to be approached about it?”

Jess’ devilish smirk changed into a smaller but more genuine smile. “I’ve always been a romantic at heart. Kind of a sucker for that sort of thing.”

Emily cursed internally. _Just spit it out!_ She hated when people beat around the bush about sensitive subjects, yet here both she and Jess were, doing just that. She knew what Jess wanted.

Emily finally mustered the courage to just say it. “So, what, you want me to ask you to be in a – a relationship…with me?”

Jess slipped in under Emily’s arm. Emily drew her in close, staring into her glittering green eyes.

“I like to be the one who gets asked,” Jess said.

“Okay.” Emily swallowed, though there was suddenly very little saliva in her mouth to do so with. “I’ve never asked anyone before. Usually I’m the one who gets asked, too.” She took a moment to compose herself. Then she cupped Jess’ face in her hands.

“Want to be my girlfriend?” she asked bluntly.

A massive grin broke out across Jess’ face. “Oh, Emily! This is so unexpected!” She fanned herself dramatically. “I would _love_ to.”

“So, that’s it then?” Emily tried to act calm, betraying her storm of inner emotions. “We’re together now?”

Jess responded by leaning in and planting a passionate kiss on Em’s lips. Emily slid her hands down to Jess’ waist and angled her head to deepen the kiss. They ended up backed against the nearest wall, smooching and running their hands over each other’s bodies as if they’d never touched them before.

_So I have a girlfriend now._ The thought felt strange to Emily. She imagined how her younger self would feel knowing that she, a girl, was able to date another girl just like boys could. And of all the girls in the world, it was the one she’d been confused about for so many years. The one she loved more than anybody else.

Jess pulled away briefly. “Em, are you okay?”

Emily quickly wiped away the renegade tear that had escaped her eye. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just happy.”

“Aww.” Jess kissed her on the cheek. “Me too.”

Emily blinked away the remaining dampness in her eyes, and sniffed back the start of her tears. All these years later, she was finally at a place in life her kid self could have only dreamed existed. She’d wasted a ton of time beforehand, but it didn’t matter anymore. She was finally there.

She took Jess’ hands in hers and kissed them both. Jess flipped Em’s hands over and then did the same to her.

“I couldn’t be happier,” Jess whispered.


	14. Now That I'm Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini-chapter before the next full-length one. Just wanted to get a little more fluff in before the rest of the plot kicks in. :P

Having a girlfriend wasn’t all that different from having a best friend, Emily found – although maybe that was because she and Jess had always had a bit of unspoken romantic tension in their friendship. One thing for sure, though, was that it was _worlds_ different from having a boyfriend. Her relationship with Mike had been her first and longest-lasting, so she found herself comparing Jess to him from time to time. Mike had always made her feel like she was overreacting to things. As a result she began to bottle up her feelings. This would lead to either an explosion all at once or a slow leak of passive aggression that eventually devolved into a fight.

Jess was so different. When she knew Emily was just grumping she’d laugh it off, but when Em had a serious problem to voice, Jess sat down with her and talked it out.

The first big issue that arose out of their new relationship, unsurprisingly, regarded Matt.

“I know we both like him,” Emily said. “And I don’t want this to become another Mike.”

“I understand,” Jess said, her tone uncharacteristically serious. “And I don’t think he’s gonna stay married forever. So yeah, it’s probably a good idea to talk about it.”

“So say he were to get divorced tomorrow. Or sometime very soon.” Emily looked at Jess from across the kitchen table. “What then?”

Jess traced circles on the table with her finger. “I had an idea about that, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it. Or how Matt would.”

“Tell me. I won’t get upset.”

Jess cleared her throat. “Well, we both like him, right? But we also both like each other. And I think he likes both of us…”

Em waited for her to finish.

“I was thinking maybe, y’know, if Matt got divorced and stuff, we could maybe just…all date. The three of us.”

Emily tilted her head. “Like…a…threesome?”

“No – well, I mean that could be involved if we wanted to.” Jess laughed a little. “But I mean like, a poly relationship. You’ve heard of those, right?”

“…No.”

“You haven’t?” Jess pursed her lips. “Wow, I always just assume you know everything. A poly relationship is just a relationship between more than two people. I’ve read about them online before. I think they’re really cool, and they help people to avoid massive, relationship-ending fights about loving more than one person in a romantic way.”

Emily made a face. “So basically I’d have to share you.”

“But you’d have someone else too! I think it’s pretty cool, to be honest.”

Emily crossed her arms. “Yeah, it’s cool. Until Matt realizes he likes you much better than me and the two of you eventually just push me out.”

Jess frowned. “I know I did some hurtful shit like that to you in the past, Em. I’m sorry. If you’re not open to it then I’ll drop it.”

Emily thought of Matt, of how kind he still was to her even all these years later. He’d told her he loved her at the reunion. That was the first time she’d heard that from anyone but her mother in years.

“Maybe someday we could have something like that,” she murmured. “But for now can we just…enjoy the two of us?” She started to reach her hand across the table, but stopped midway.

Jess met her halfway, laying her hand on top of Emily’s. “Of course. Let’s spend some quality time together, girlfriend.” The last word was accompanied by a wink. Emily smiled just a bit.

 

* * *

 

They ended up spending the rest of the night reminiscing about their younger years. They’d started out serious and sentimental – Emily brought up their meeting during that fateful  second grade Field Day, and how amazed she’d been when Jess simply laughed off their absolute failure at the three-legged race. They talked about entering middle school together, and then high school. The nights they’d spent agonizing over first-day-of-school outfits. The hours-long phone calls back when every little move made by any of their peers was phone-call-worthy and needed to be discussed at excruciating length. Their last day of eighth grade, where, on a sun-baked bench just outside their middle school, Jess had stunned Emily by coming out to her as bisexual.

As their conversation went on, however, the topics gradually got lighter and funnier. “Remember how we got banned from the Galleria?” Jess’ question was punctuated by snickers. “When Josh jammed the escalator?”

“Oh God, how could I forget? As soon as he said _‘Hey guys, watch this, I saw it on YouTube!’_ I knew we were in trouble.”

“The whole…escalator…just _stopped_ …” Jess heaved with laughter. “And I was laughing so hard I fell, like, all the way down.”

“And took several of us with you.”

“I landed on Chris at the bottom.”

Emily smirked. “You know we probably could have gotten out of there before security showed up if you hadn’t busted ass like that. Instead they found us pig-piled at the bottom. And you were _still_ laughing.”

“It was _funny_!” Jess leaned back on the couch, trying to catch her breath from laughter. “I mean, it wasn’t funny when we got escorted out by the mall cops, but – oh my God, remember we tried to go back like a year later? And Josh was like _‘They’ll never remember us’_?”

Emily lowered her head, trying to stifle her own laughter. At the time she’d been furious. But looking back now, it _was_ kind of funny.

“Yeah, I remember. They had _all_ our pictures lined up on the security office corkboard. The second we walked in there those pricks were on us, telling us we couldn’t be there.”

“And you – you told them, oh my God what did you say exactly? I don’t remember.”

Emily grinned in spite of herself. “I told them their mall was a rathole anyway. Then I said something like, _‘Good thing you guys aren’t real cops, or I might actually be intimidated’_. ”

Jess laughed so hard she snorted. “Fuck, you made me snort.” She lifted a hand to her nose and mouth self-consciously. “Sam wouldn’t even talk to any of us for like, two weeks afterward.”

“Yeah, she gave us that _‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’_ Mom spiel and made us all feel guilty as fuck. It wasn’t _my_ fault we got banned! I was just responding to the situation.”

“I can’t wait to see her again.” Jess beamed. “Even though I get the distinct feeling we used to just annoy the hell out of her and she probably never really liked any of us.”

“Hey, she put up with us. She’s _still_ putting up with us. So that says something.”

“True.”

Even as they laughed and reminisced, at the mention of Sam Emily couldn’t help but think about the strange scenario that had played out at Ashley and Chris’ house two weeks ago. Hadn’t she decided that Chris was clearly bullshitting? That he was scapegoating Sam to cover up some stupid thing he himself was doing? Sam’s involvement in the strangeness couldn’t be true. She’d never try to rope people in to going back to that frozen hell.

Right?

“Let’s do something else.” Emily got to her feet, catching Jess by surprise.

“Oh. Okay.” Jess stood up as well. “What do you want to do?”

“I, um…” She thought of something. “The other day I found a little list of indoor date ideas, and one of them that I liked was–”

“You were looking up date ideas?” Jess beamed. “That’s so cute, Em.”

“Shut up. Anyway, one idea that I really liked was, um…” She met Jess’ eyes and shrugged. “Taking a bubble bath together?”

“Ooh.” Jess was instantly intrigued. “That sounds nice. Let’s do it.”

Emily smiled a little. “All right. It had a recipe-thing for making the bubbles on your own, so I guess we’ll make that first.”

Jess slipped her arms around Emily’s waist. “Maybe we can play around a little first…get in the mood…” Her words were whispered directly into Em’s ear. A tiny shudder of excitement ran through her as Jess’ low, sensual voice shifted her thoughts away from all lingering concerns about Sam or anyone else. Why should she worry about any of that? Her senses were overwhelmed by Jess, and only by Jess. She couldn’t find the ability to focus on anything else if she tried.

She deserved this, she assured herself. She deserved to shut her worries off for a while and just lose herself in love and lust with her favorite person in the world.


	15. Dregs of a Bitter Cup

_Friday_

“Jessica!” Sam practically tackled her two steps in the door.

“Hi Sam!” Jess hugged her tight.

“I was concerned when I couldn’t find you. I didn’t know if something happened.”

“Heh, nope. Everything’s just the same as always.”

Em and Jess had agreed beforehand to keep the details of Jess’ struggles scarce. As far as Sam knew Jess was spending the weekend at Emily’s to catch up. Anything beyond that was left to Sam’s imagination.

Emily tried not to let Chris and Ashley’s worries interfere with her treatment of Sam. It was difficult. Sam was no different than before, but Em found herself scrutinizing every one of her actions. Especially around Jess.

Jess immediately invited Sam into the living room (as if it were her house in which to do so) to hang out on the couch and catch up for a while. Sam shyly took a seat at the far end of it, and Jess bounced down beside her. They immediately began chattering away. Wordlessly Emily sat down at Jess’ other side. She let them talk.

It felt like Sam recounted her entire fucking life, though that was probably just because it was boring and seemed to drag on forever. Jess purposely didn’t volunteer much information of her own, but eventually Sam asked her, “So what have you been up to?”

Jess hesitated. “Oh, I, um, rent an apartment with two friends of mine. I work from home, and, uh–”

“Yeah? What do you do for a living?” Sam asked.

“I run a website. Um, it’s sort of my own one-person business…”

Sam seemed finally to pick up on Jessica’s reluctance to answer her questions. “Oh. Cool!”

“So you’re married?” Jess asked her in turn.

Sam beamed. “Yes. Sarah and I have been together for a little over three years now. It’s really flown by – it feels like just yesterday she was rushing into my office with her tarantula, worried because he’d had a bad molt and part of his old skin was stuck to one of his legs.” She chuckled to herself. “He pulled through in the end. And I got a date out of it.”

“How?” Jess asked. “Did you just ask her out then and there?”

Sam blushed a little. “Well, not exactly. I’ve never really been a big romantic, so I wasn’t even thinking like that. I gave her my card and told her to call me with any questions. And she did. With an awful lot of them. Most of which could have been easily solved with a quick online search. That’s when I kind of started to figure something was up.”

“That’s cute,” Jess purred.

“Heh, thanks. So what about you?” Sam waggled her eyebrows. “Anybody on your radar?”

“Actually…” Jess twirled a lock of hair around one finger. “I _am_ seeing someone.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jess smiled a little. She nudged Emily. Emily felt her face warm a bit.

Sam glanced between the two of them. “Wait, it’s not…”

Jess’ smile evolved into a full grin. She nodded enthusiastically.

Sam’s eyes widened. “Oh wow! So you and…Emily? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes. We’re a thing.” Emily took Jess’ hand and entwined her fingers with hers.

“Wow. That’s great! I never would have guessed.”

Emily kept her hand on Jessica’s for the rest of the conversation. It was relieving to be able to come out to someone so casually. Sam was an easy one, since she herself was married to a woman. They hadn’t told Matt yet, or anyone else in the group for that matter. Em wasn’t looking forward to it.

“So how the heck did you finally find Jess, anyway?” Sam asked after nobody responded to her other statement. Her question was directed at Emily. “I looked all over for her.”

Emily shrugged. “Things just worked out.”

“Oh.” Sam was clearly intrigued by her vague response, but she didn’t press. “Well I’m glad you reconnected.”

Sam may have been socially oblivious, but she wasn’t stupid. One look at Jess and anyone could see she’d been to Hell and back. If Emily were in Sam’s shoes she’d be prying Jess open like a stubborn clamshell. But Sam wasn’t like her. Maybe that was the difference.

“I’m kinda bummed I missed the reunion,” Jess murmured. “Maybe someday I’ll make another one.”

Sam’s eyes lit up at that. “You know, I’ve actually been thinking about having another get-together at some point. Maybe you’d like to come?”

“Oh…” Jess slumped in her seat. “I’d like to, but, um, I don’t get out much these days.”

Sam chuckled. “Don’t worry, neither do I. And I still enjoyed it last time.”

“Yeah, I heard you and Chris talked quite a bit.” Emily seized the opportunity to sate her curiosity about the truthfulness of Chris’ story.  

Jess shifted her attention to Emily. She knew nothing of what had transpired that day at Ashley’s house.

For a moment Sam’s warm, friendly mask slipped, and Emily caught a glimpse of wariness in her face. “Oh yeah,” she said, laughing a little too loud, “he was showing me pictures of his sons and, um, we were talking about married life and–”

“Yeah? He said you tried to convince him to go back to Blackwood to find Josh.” Her tone was neutral, trying to gauge Sam’s reaction further. She hadn’t expected her to react in a suspicious manner. Her interest was piqued.

“Why would Sam do that?” Jess turned to eye Sam curiously.

Sam shifted uncomfortably. “…Why is this being brought up now?”

“Holy shit, so you _did_ do it?”

Sam got up from the couch. “Wow, it got late fast. I have work in the morning, I should go–”

“Bitch, don’t even.” Emily was up in a flash, blocking her path.

“Move.” Sam’s voice was low, a warning. “I’m leaving.”

“Tell me what the hell you’re plotting. Chris has two young kids, why the hell would you–”

Suddenly Sam was rushing at her. Anticipating getting knocked into, Emily tensed. In that moment Sam scooped her up and hefted her over her shoulder. Before Emily could do anything but shriek in confused rage, Sam deposited her on the couch and then bolted for the door.

_Sam and her freakish fucking strength!_

Emily darted off the couch and charged after her. Sam was practically to the front door when she was stopped by Jess. Jess stood in front of the door, wearing an expression of confusion and what almost looked like hurt.

“Move, Jess.” Sam hesitated, apparently not wanting to manhandle Jess like she’d been fine with doing to Emily.

“You tried to get Chris to go back to the mountain with you?” Jess’ voice was small but resolute. “Why?”

Before Sam could give an answer Emily pounced, tackling her to the floor. She pinned Sam by her wrists as Sam squirmed beneath her.

“I win,” Emily said. “Now tell me what I want to know.”

Sam glared up at her. “Can you get off me first?”

Emily looked to Jess, who was still guarding the door. She then reluctantly released Sam’s wrists and stood up. Sam rose slowly, cautiously. She took a few steps deeper into the house, presumably trying to convince Em she wasn’t going to flee again. Emily remained close to her anyway.

Sam took a seat on the couch again. Jess and Emily hesitantly followed suit.

“I don’t know where to start,” Sam said.

“Anywhere’s better than nowhere,” Emily replied. “Because right now I kinda just feel like you’ve lost your fucking mind.”

Sam rested her elbows on her knees. “You might be on to something there.”

“So, what, you think you’re going crazy or something?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I have these totally bizarre…thoughts, and it’s just, well I’ve looked through that old man’s notebook probably a hundred times since The Incident, and one thing he mentions just always comes back to me.”

Jess and Emily were both angled toward her, waiting for an elaboration.

“He said killing wendigos releases their spirits,” Sam uttered. “And that they can enter the bodies of humans on the mountain. Mess with their minds. Dominate their free will.”

“We knew that already. That’s what happened to…we knew that.” Emily steered away from mentioning Hannah by name. It didn’t feel right talking so casually about her horrible fate.

“The old man’s theory about wendigo possession had the first step as the spirit entering a human’s body and subtly influencing their mind, to push them toward ultimately engaging in cannibalism.” Sam spoke as if she were reading directly from the notebook. Emily wondered just how many times she’d pored over those words. “This can include keeping them lost and confused in an unfamiliar area, making them focus on their hunger, and even pushing them to turn on their fellow humans, like in the case of that mining disaster in 1952. The man speculated that a person could be possessed indefinitely. ‘ _Only resorting to and completing an act of cannibalism grants the spirit the strength necessary to take control of the human’s body’_. That’s what he said about it.”

“Okay?” Emily folded her arms. “What does this have to do with you?”

Sam avoided eye contact with both women. “I think I might have one inside me.”

“What?” Jess and Emily’s responses were simultaneous.

Sam shrugged.

“Elaborate, please?” Emily said.

Sam sighed. “I really didn’t want to bring this up now. But fine. Sometimes I have these really…fucked-up thoughts. They don’t feel like they’re my own. They feel like they’re coming from someone else. But they’re in my head.”

“Such as?” Emily pressed.

Sam crossed her legs and arms tightly. “I don’t want to talk about them.”

“You can’t just throw something like that out there and then not give any supporting evidence! What the fuck, Sam?”

Sam stared down at her lap.

“Christ, why do you have to be so fucking _stoic_ all the time?” Emily snapped. “You think you might have some terrible evil spirit inside you and you just ‘ _don’t want to talk about it’_?!”

Sam said something under her breath.

Emily leaned forward. “Excuse me?”

“I said they scare me. I’m scared, okay? If you don’t want me to be ‘stoic’ then that’s the honest truth.”

Silence filled the room. In fact, the only audible sound in the entire house was Rin crunching her dry food in the kitchen.

“I have hallucinations,” Jess eventually said. “Sometimes I think I’m seeing really messed-up things, like bodies hanging from the ceiling, or that my hands are covered in blood and I can’t wash it off. Is it like that?”

Emily frowned. Jess rarely elaborated on the nature of her hallucinations. Whenever she did it just reminded Emily of what a living nightmare they must be.

“That’s horrible.” Sam looked away from Jess. “They’re not like that. They’re more like, well for one example, when I was at work a few months ago a client brought in their old English Mastiff for a checkup. And while I was checking him I just had this thought like, of me stripping the poor thing’s skin off and – and eating him.”

Jess and Emily exchanged a look.

“And to make things worse,” Sam continued, “it made me _hungry._ I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And nothing I ate made the feeling go away.”

“What did you end up doing about it?” Jess asked.

Sam looked up, but her gaze was distant. “It was all just a blur. I remember finishing my shift, closing down the clinic and getting in the car, then deciding to stop and grab a few groceries on the way home. The next thing I remember after that is Sarah asking me what the hell I was doing, and me realizing I was sitting at our kitchen table with a shredded-open package of raw ground beef. Which I was eating. By the handful.”

Simply recounting the story Sam looked as if she could be sick at any moment. “I’ve never cheated on my veganism. Hell, even before I went vegan I _never_ liked red meat. Sarah, you know, she’s vegan too, so I can’t even imagine how she must have felt walking in to find her wife dripping with blood, devouring raw meat…”

It took Emily some time to process and respond to Sam’s incredibly fucked-up tale. Finally she just said, “How often has stuff like that happened to you over the years?”

“Not often. But as the years have gone by, maybe as I’ve gotten older or more complacent or something, it’s started to get worse. That’s actually why I sought you guys all out in the first place.”

Emily raised an eyebrow. “What were you hoping we’d do?”

“I was hoping we might be able to come up with a plan together. When I got talking to Chris he mentioned wishing he could go back to the mountain for Josh. I got an idea that maybe he and I could go up there in the daylight and look for any possible clues or notes that might be able to help me. Chris would think we were looking for Josh. He wouldn’t even have to know about my situation.”

“You don’t even know for sure that you have one inside you,” Emily said. “Isn’t there some way you could find out for sure before you put yourself and Chris in mortal danger for potentially no reason?”

“That’s another reason I wanted to get back in touch with all of you.” Sam glanced briefly at Jess, then Emily. “I’ve thought about trying to communicate with it. But I’d need someone to tell me what it says, because the times it’s had any sort of power over me I can’t clearly remember.”

“So you really think one is in there with you.” Jess’ words were somewhere between a statement and a question.

“I think so. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like I’m sharing my body with someone else. Someone with motives that don’t match mine. And I…” She ran a hand through her short hair. “I can’t help but wonder if this is what Hannah went through. Except she was weak and starving…this spirit’s probably weakened because I’m healthy and I don’t eat meat. Um, usually.”

“So what do you expect us to do? Talk to it?” Em was pretty sure she didn’t want to be _near_ one of those things again, much less have a chat with one.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how you would. The journal doesn’t have any insight about that. I don’t think he was interested in talking to them.”

“Honestly, neither am I.” Emily made a face. “I wonder if we could find one of those people who can talk to spirits. A channeler. Maybe they could help us.”

“No.” Sam’s response was immediate. “I don’t want help from anyone outside the old group. You’re the only ones who get it.”

“I bet we could find a DIY guide online,” Jess said. “You can find anything if you look hard enough.”

“A guide to channeling spirits?”

Jess already had her phone out. “Look, it’s right here on WikiHow. ‘How to channel.’ With pictures!”

Emily slapped her forehead. Sam watched Jess with interest as she skimmed the article.

“Hm, so we wouldn’t really be trying to ‘contact the spirit world’ since the thing is already here with us.” Jess scrolled a little. “Oh! There’s a section on inducing trance. Maybe that could help.”

“I used to be able to do that when I did yoga,” Sam replied. “Maybe I could practice a little so I’m not rusty, and then someone could try to coax the thing into talking to you.”

“Um, this sounds incredibly stupid.” Emily cast a disdainful look over at the two of them. “What if it takes over your body and you can’t regain control of it? What if you try to eat one of us?”

Sam was quiet for a moment. “You’ll probably have to tie me down first.”

Emily shook her head. “This is – this is crazy. I’m not doing this!”

“You wanted to know what was going on. I told you.” Sam’s stoic posture had returned. “Help me or don’t. I’ll do it eventually, even I’m just by myself with a camera.”

Emily huffed. “Yeah, because _that’ll_ be safe.”

“It’s pretty scary, Sam.” Jess reached out and laid a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “But I’d like to help you if I can. I bet everyone from the old group would. We all love you a lot.”

That brought a tiny smile to Sam’s face. “Thanks, Jess. I love you all, too.”

Truthfully, Emily could not bear to refuse Sam. She knew this in her heart. Though they may have drifted apart – hell, they were never even that close to begin with – she could not forget that horrible night, in her bleakest hour, who had defended her against her friends’ paranoia. Who was responsible, at least in some part, for Emily still being here today. Though she hated to admit it, she could not live with the thought of rejecting Sam in Sam’s own darkest time.

Emily examined her nails. “Well I’m not gonna let Jess get involved in something this risky by herself. So, fuck it, I guess I’m getting caught up in this stupid plan too.”

Sam stood up from the couch. “Thank you both. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go now. I’m sorry I ruined the night.”

Jess hopped up and grabbed her in a tight hug. At first startled, Sam slowly returned the motion.

“We have to stick together, y’know?” Jess murmured. “Nobody else will ever understand.”

Sam looked to Emily. Emily couldn’t think of anything to say. She instead simply folded her arms and returned Sam’s look.

“I should apologize to Ashley,” Sam mumbled. “I never should have driven her and Chris apart like that. I mean, I didn’t mean to, but still.”

“You should,” Em said. “She was pretty torn up about it.”

“I will.” Sam picked her bag up off the coffee table. “Thank you for having me. Goodbye, girls.”

“Bye, Sam.” Jess waved as Sam walked out.

Emily listened as Sam’s car started, then eventually drove away. “So…that was something.”

“Yeah.”

“What do you think?”

Jess chewed her lip. “Sam is so hard to read. But she doesn’t talk about her feelings very much. If she’s telling us she’s worried…”

“We might have a reason to be worried, too.”

“Mhm.”

Emily exhaled. “I thought that nightmare was over. We should have known. We should have fucking known.”


	16. This is Who We Are

“I just don’t know if I could get involved with something like that.”

The faint noise of Joshy and CJ running around Emily’s backyard carried through an open window to the kitchen table, where their parents sat with visible discomfort.

“I want to help Sam, but that kind of stuff is like my worst nightmare.” Ashley’s shoulders sagged. From beside her Chris reached over and laid his left hand over her right. She avoided eye contact with anyone at the table.

“None of us _want_ to do it.” Emily glanced to Jess beside her, who nodded in agreement. “But if this could be a problem down the line then it’s something we need to investigate now. And the more backup we have if shit goes south, the better.”

It was strange having nearly half the group under one roof again. Jess had never been particularly close to Chris or Ashley, but she was happy to see them. Emily noticed Ashley’s ever-inquisitive eyes taking in Jess’ current appearance. She surely must have been curious about the changes, but she, like Sam, did not ask. Instead Jess spent the first ten or so minutes of their meet-up fawning over Ashley’s boys, marveling at how much they resembled their parents and telling them how cute they were. Joshy wore a wide smile, soaking in the flattery. CJ was shy around the stranger’s attention. He hung close to his parents, but every so often he would steal a peek over a Jess.

“I’ll help in any way I can.” Chris fixed Emily, then Jess with a determined look. “We can’t let something happen to another one of us. And Sam doesn’t deserve us abandoning her. Not after all we’ve put her through.”

Jess nodded.

Emily knew where Jess stood on the issue. Guilt weighted her every step, every day of her life. Part of the reason she’d avoided getting help the past ten years was because she felt she needed to suffer to “atone” for what she’d done. This was one small way for her to work toward alleviating that crushing guilt. Thus she was determined to help Sam, no matter the risk.

Ashley was the only person at the table who seemed to need convincing, but Em could tell her resistance was weakening. Sam had saved them all back then. Regardless of what they had gone through on their own that terrible night, they walked away with their lives because of Sam’s bravery.

The least they could do was show some bravery for her in return.

Eventually Ashley made a small sound. The others glanced over at her.

“I know that if I was in her situation,” she murmured, “Sam would help me in a second.”

Jess nodded. “I thought of that, too.”

Ash swallowed, then made eye contact with each of the others in turn. “All right. I’ll help.”

“So count us both in, then,” Chris said.

“All right.” Emily glanced over at Jess again, then resumed a stiff, professional posture. “We’ll be in touch.”

 

* * *

 

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. She’s pretty sure she has one inside of her, and apparently she can’t talk to it by herself. She needs us to help coax it out.”

Eyes wide, Matt shook his head. “Um, wow. Okay, I’ll definitely help. When are you gonna do it?”

“Probably sometime next week. Jess and I want to practice a little first.”

“You want me to come up there a little early? Maybe I can help you practice. I don’t feel real good about this, but…it’s Sam…”

Emily and Jess swapped a look. Jess shrugged.

“When would you be thinking of coming around?” Emily asked.

Matt glanced behind him at something off-screen. “I couldn’t stay for too long. But maybe I could get there a day before and help out with whatever’s left to do? I mean I could probably still book a hotel last minute–”

Emily smirked a little. “You know, you can admit you just want to be with us.”

Matt did that stupid cute little giggle of his again. “Okay, that might be _part_ of the reason. But I do want to help Sam.”

“We all do.” Jess was uncharacteristically serious, even in Matt’s presence. Usually she was all smiles and flirting. It took Emily a few minutes to realize she was probably trying to show Emily that she was dedicated to their relationship. A surge of love swelled in Emily’s heart, but also a pang of guilt. She didn’t want to make Jess change to suit her.

Whenever she saw Matt face to face, she wished she could take Jess up on her suggestion about the three of them. She didn’t tell Jess that, but it was impossible not to think about in Matt’s presence.

“If you do come up early, don’t bother booking a hotel,” Emily said. “You can crash here for a night. Not a big deal.”

Jess raised her eyebrows. Emily ignored her.

“Seriously? Heh, um, okay.” Matt rubbed the back of his neck. “So just let me know a couple days in advance. I’ll definitely be there. For Sam…and for you girls.”

Emily smiled. “Thanks, Matt.”

In the background of Matt’s end of the video call they heard a muffled car door slam. “Shit,” he mumbled, “I gotta go.”

“Later.” Emily nodded at him.

“Bye, Matt.” Jess gave him a small finger-wave.

“Bye.” He looked at them both for a moment. Then he ended the call.

“Okay. So Matt’s in.” Emily exhaled as Jess closed her laptop and pushed it toward the center of the kitchen table. “That’s…almost everyone from the old group.”

Jess bit her lip and nodded.

“Do you think…we should…” Emily gestured to her phone, but didn’t elaborate on what she meant. She didn’t have to.

“I don’t want to see him,” Jess said quietly, “but this isn’t about what I want or don’t want. It’s about what’s best for Sam. And he dealt with the monsters a lot that night. He would probably be helpful if shit went down.”

Both women’s shoulders sagged with obvious reluctance as they tried to convince themselves to call the man who had once torn their relationship apart.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t answer.

“Maybe it’s a sign,” Emily murmured as she set the phone down. Did they really need Mike anyway?

“We’ll probably be fine without him. I mean, we have you, me, Ashley, Chris, and Matt. That’s plenty of–”

Em’s phone started buzzing. _Incoming call – Mike._

She sighed and looked to Jess. Jess shrugged.

“Hello,” she said upon finally answering.

“Hey Em!” Mike practically shouted. Emily could hear a commotion in the background, a chorus of voices and movement. It sounded like some sort of public event. “Sorry, I thought I heard my phone go off but I wasn’t sure. What’s goin’ on?”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Um, yeah, a minute. But just so you know if you want me to come over tonight, I really won’t be able to make it, I’m at the–”

“I’m not asking you to come over. I need to explain something to you.”

Mike hesitated. “Oh God, you’re not…”

It took Emily a minute to realize what he left unsaid. “I’m not fucking pregnant, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Mike exhaled. “Oh good. Good. Okay, what were you gonna say? I have a couple minutes before I need to go. I’m speaking at this dinner and it’s pretty important.”

“This is important, too.” Emily fought the urge to call him an idiot. “Sam needs our help.”

“What’s the matter with her?” His words held a note of genuine concern. Emily was almost a little surprised by that.

“Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

“Short I guess?”

“She thinks she’s possessed by a wendigo spirit and wants us to hold a séance so we can try to communicate with it.”

From Mike’s end of the line there came nothing but background noise for several long seconds.

“So I’ll count you in, then?” Em said.

Mike made a noncommittal noise. “…Okay? When are you doing it?”

“Probably in about a week or so. We’ll give you notice in advance once we set a date.”

He stumbled in his responses. “Who else is gonna – who else will be there? Or is it just me, you, and Sam?”

“Everyone will be there,” she answered vaguely. She and Jess exchanged a brief look.

“All right. I – I’ll try to make it. Maybe sometime between now and then you can give me a full explanation, too, because I’d like to know what the hell is going to go down before I walk into it.”

“Yeah. Okay. I will.”

“Okay. I have to go now, but, uh, I’ll keep in touch.”

“Good. Talk to you later.”

“Yeah, talk to you–”

Emily disconnected.

Jess stared down at the table. Emily wasn’t certain how to reach out to her after the conversation, so she opted to do so physically. Her hand settled on Jess’. Finally Jess picked her gaze up and met Emily’s eyes.

“I love you,” Jess said.

Emily hesitated, a bit thrown off by the emotional response. “…I love you, too.”

“We’ll get through this,” Jess added. “We’re strong. We’ve gotten through so much already. Right?”

“Right.” Emily nodded. “This is nothing.”

Truthfully Emily was, of course, afraid, but not as much as she would have been on her own. And Jess seemed to feel the same way. Nothing was quite so terrifying when they were with their lifetime partner in crime.


	17. Little Sister

“This doesn’t seem too hard.” Jess had been reading up on channeling for most of the day. Emily, preferring physical action, had prepared for their practice session by clearing out a wide space on her basement floor, laying out a blanket, and ensuring there were no distractions around. After all, that was the reason she’d selected the basement to practice in – it was quiet, cool, and held a somber sort of atmosphere that, since Jess’ introduction to the household, the upstairs no longer bore. It was also filled with mementos and memories packed away in boxes. If they were going to open a channel to the spirit world, this was the place to do it.

Em and Jess knelt opposite one another on the blanket. “Okay, don’t be scared.” Emily took Jess’ hands in hers. “It’s just practice. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

“Emily, I’m not scared.” Jess cocked a brow at her. “Wait, are _you_?”

“…No.”

Jess squeezed her hands. “Okay. ‘Cause you’re right, you know. There’s no reason to be afraid.”

Emily swallowed. “Let’s start, then.”

Jess thumbed through the pages she’d printed out giving advice and techniques on how to channel. “So a few things that come up pretty often when you look this stuff up are, one, take it seriously, two, ask very specific questions, and three, be honest with the spirit. That shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, we probably won’t get one today anyway, but it’s good to know.”

They rejoined their hands. “So do we close our eyes or something?” Emily asked.

“Can’t hurt I guess.”

And so they both closed their eyes. Emily took a few slow, deep breaths and attempted to concentrate on nothing but the task at hand. Thankfully they were both able to skip the step on “overcoming skepticism” – they knew all too well what kind of forces existed in this world.

After remaining still and quiet for a minute or so, Jess spoke in a low tone. “Um, so if there are any good spirits out there who want to help us practice channeling, we would appreciate it. We’ll talk to you. If you’re lonely we can hang out for a while.”

“Don’t invite them to hang out with us.” Emily struggled to keep her eyes closed. “They’ll keep following us after the session’s over.”

“Oh yeah. Good point.” Jess cleared her throat. “I mean, you can hang out with us while we’re channeling. But after that you’re gonna have to leave. Sorry.”

Emily rolled her eyes behind their closed lids.

They waited several minutes. Emily did not see, hear, or feel anything out of the ordinary. She stole a peek at Jess. Jess didn’t seem to be reacting to anything, so Em assumed she wasn’t experiencing anything either.

“Come on,” Jess said after a while, “There’s gotta be some good, kind-hearted spirit out there willing to help us practice…hey, wait a minute. I have an idea.”

Emily waited.

“Maybe a fellow gay spirit would be willing to help out a couple of gays trying to help their gay friend Sam.” She spoke loudly, clearly more to any potential listening spirits than to Emily.

“What happened to ‘taking it seriously’?” Emily muttered. It still felt strange to her being grouped into the gay category with Jess and Sam. It didn’t feel wrong, but it was certainly novel.

“I _am_ taking it seriously. If I can appeal to certain kinds of spirits they might feel more inclined to help us.”

Emily shook her head. “Okay, whatever. Summon a gay ghost then.”

They waited a few minutes in silence. Again nothing happened.

“Maybe you should give it a try,” Jess said after a while.

“Why? I make terrible first impressions.”

“Aww, no you don’t. Just say _something_.”

“God. Fine.” Emily inhaled. “Uh. Attention spirits…we’d like to invite you to participate in our channeling session. We need the help of a good spirit, and we’re especially looking for potential recruits that match our, um, particular criteria. However we welcome any and all applicants for this position. Effective immediately. Um, thanks for your time. We look forward to hearing from you.”

Jess snickered. “You sound like you’re writing a corporate e-mail.”

“Fuck you, all I do is write corporate e-mails. What did you expect.”

Emily’s attempt at summoning a spirit guide didn’t seem to work either. After kneeling on the blanket for nearly twenty minutes with no results, Emily released Jess’ hands and opened her eyes.

“Okay, this obviously isn’t working. We need to get some candles or something, like that one site said–”

**_SLAM!_ **

Both women practically leapt out of their skin at the sudden loud noise. Jess immediately grabbed for Emily, and clung to her arm. Emily hesitantly turned toward the source of the noise. A lone cardboard box on a high shelf. Or rather, it had once been on a high shelf – now it was lying on its side on the floor, spilling its contents across the cold cement.

“Fuck. Fuck.” Emily glanced at Jess. “That’s been up there since I moved in. There’s no way it fell on its own.”

“Is someone here to help us?” Jess called out. Her voice trembled noticeably.

Nothing else happened.

Emily crawled over to the tipped box. “This is my old memory box,” she whispered. “From when we were kids.”

“Do you think that could mean something?”

Most of the items that had spilled out of the box were photographs. Pictures of the old group, back when they were all together and relatively happy. The one on top was a group photo from a beach trip in high school, where Josh had been so excited at fitting ten people in one vehicle that he made them all take a picture together to commemorate the occasion.

Emily picked up that picture. A tingling sensation coursed through her hand and arm, causing her to instantly pull back from it.

“What?” Jess was beside her in a second. “Why do you look so freaked out?”

Emily held it out to her.  “Hold this picture.”

Jess reluctantly took the photo. “Whoa!” She dropped it a mere moment after taking it from Emily. “That felt really weird…”

Emily looked around the dark basement. “Is the spirit that’s here right now somewhere in this picture?” she called out. A sinking feeling gnawed at her gut as she glanced down at the photo again, taking in the sight of the Washington siblings, all smiles and looking adorable in their beach getup.

There came no response. Emily had an idea. “If you can make another noise, then, um, bang once for ‘yes’.”

She and Jess waited in silence.

**_BANG._ **

The tipped box shook, as if something had struck it.

Emily’s heart raced. “Fuck. Okay. Okay, it’s one of the Washingtons. It’s gotta be.”

Jess was visibly shaking. “Ask them which one.”

“Why do I have to do it?”

“Because they hate me, Emily.”

Emily stared at her. Jess’ tone was emotionless, as if she’d simply accepted that fact. And honestly, it was probably true.

Emily did her best to quell her own fear. This spirit was obviously willing to communicate with them. They couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that.

“All right, same deal, bang once for ‘yes’, do nothing for ‘no’. Are we speaking to Josh?”

Nothing. Emily hadn’t truly expected it to be him. His spirit was probably still tethered to his body up on Blackwood Mountain.

“Hannah?”

Again, nothing. She and Jess exchanged a look.

“…Beth?”

 ** _BANG!_ ** The box slid a few inches from the impact.

“It’s Beth,” Jess said under her breath. “Fuck.”

Beth had always been the most intimidating of the Washington siblings. She was cranky, serious, and known to fuck up anyone who so much as dared look at her family members the wrong way.

Now two of the people who had helped kill her and her siblings were channeling her spirit.

“Are you here to help us?” Emily asked, trying not to sound as frightened as she was.

No response.

“Oh God, she’s gonna kill us,” Jess cried. “We’re so sorry Beth, we never met to hurt you, or Hannah, or Josh. It was all a big stupid mistake!”

“Shh.” Emily took her hand. Jess fell silent, though she sniffled occasionally, implying she’d been close to bursting into tears.

The questions were supposed to be very specific. If there was anything Emily had learned from climbing the corporate ladder, it was that the right wording could make or break an entire deal.

“Okay, so you’re not here to help _us_ ,” she said. “Are you here to help _Sam_?”

The box was struck with vigor. With that strike, another pile of pictures spilled out. One slid close to Emily’s knee on the cement.

Emily looked down at it. This photo depicted herself and Jess as well as Sam and Beth. It was taken at their eighth grade dance, when the four of them had “pretended” to be each other’s dates. Em had never noticed the similarities between herself and Beth in that picture. Both had their arms around the waists of their “pretend” dates, perhaps just a little too snugly. Both wore a taut, manufactured smile that failed to come anywhere close to the look of uncensored joy on the faces of Jess and Sam.

Emily thought of her feelings during that confusing time. How they had eventually revealed themselves to be what she had always been too afraid to acknowledge.

Jess peered over Em’s shoulder at the picture. Then her gaze met Emily’s.

Emily touched Sam’s likeness with two gentle fingers. “You loved her,” she said to the cool basement air.

She picked up another photo from the pile. A group shot from their freshman field trip. Jess and Emily were dead center, Jess striking a diva pose and Emily attempting to mimic her. Toward the back of the class stood Sam and Hannah, inseparable as always. Emily had never taken the time to notice that Beth was at Sam’s other side, a little more distant, even then wearing that artificial smile.

“God, Beth…” Emily set the picture down. “I had no idea.”

“So Beth was in love with Sam.” Jess’ shoulders sagged. “And Sam is…they could have gotten together. If I had known, I would have helped them. I always loved being a matchmaker for my friends.”

Emily squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to think the obvious thoughts that came to mind. In the pictures Beth, of course, looked exactly as Emily remembered her. But at her current age Em could see now just how young she and Hannah had truly been. How young they would always be. Forever girls of eighteen. Never to have a spouse, or children, or a career, or a house, or anything Emily either had or at least had a chance at. Things many of the others in the group had successfully achieved.

Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes. “You and Hannah were completely innocent.” Her voice broke mid-sentence. “I was a terrible person. I still am. It should have been me who died on that mountain…not you two…”

She heard Jess sniff beside her. “Should’ve been me, too,” she mumbled.

Emily wiped her eyes and attempted to pull herself together. The last thing she, Jess, or Beth needed was them having a breakdown and feeling like they should be dead.

“We can’t dwell on it.” She squeezed Jess’ hand firmly but lovingly. “Sam still needs our help. Maybe we’re alive to help her.”

Jess dried her eyes as well. “M-maybe.”

Emily looked up at nothing in particular. “Does Sam have a wendigo spirit inside her?” She had no idea if Beth would know, but it was worth asking.

She felt a cold tingle on the back of her neck. She shivered involuntarily.

**_BANG._ **

“Fuck…” Deep down she had known Sam was right. She would know herself and her body better than anyone else. Of course she could tell when something foreign had entered it.

It may have been too late to save Beth and Hannah, but they could still save Sam. Or at least try their hardest to do so. She understood Beth’s feelings, and could only imagine how frustrating it must have been to helplessly watch the girl she loved exist in constant potential danger.

Actually, she sort of knew that feeling herself.

Emily would go to the ends of the earth for Jess. Beyond them, if she had to. She owed the same to Sam, for Beth. And Hannah, wherever she was.

That reminded her of something she wanted to ask.

“Are you and Hannah at least together in the…afterlife, or whatever?”

The box rocked gently.

“Well I guess that’s good.” Emily lowered her eyes. “Um, what about Josh?”

Another soft knock on the side of the box.

“You’re with Josh? So he’s not a wendigo?”

No response.

“…Is he a wendigo?”

The box wiggled, the impact on it seemingly growing weaker with each strike.

Emily blinked. “So he is…but you’re with him? Wait, do you and Hannah, like, stay with him on the mountain?”

The box shifted slightly.

“I think she’s running out of energy.” Jess gestured to her pile of papers. “I read that it takes a lot of energy for spirits to communicate with our world.”

“Shit.” And there Emily was, pestering her with all sorts of nosy questions. “Okay, I’ll stop after this. I just need to ask one more thing.”

The basement was dead silent around her. Emily swallowed hard.

“Will you help us communicate with Sam’s wendigo? We’re not sure how to go about it at all, and it would really help to have someone around who has experience with them.”

The stack of photographs ruffled and scattered further across the floor, as if blown by a moderate wind.

“I guess that’s a yes,” Jess said.

Emily lowered her head. “Thank you. And…I’m still sorry about what happened way back when. Me and Jess both are. I still feel bad about it every day.”

Jess nodded solemnly. “Me too.”

They received no further signals after that. Their hands still linked together, Em and Jess both sat still for quite some time, saying very little.


	18. Weight of Living

Emily got to the airport much earlier than she’d planned to. It was about 10:30am when she swung in to Burbank’s lot. It was a good thing she got there when she did, because Matt was milling about inside the terminal by the time she parked and walked inside. As soon as he saw her he stuck his hand out and started waving like the giant dork that he was. Emily gave him a small wave in return.

“Hey, big guy.” She had to practically shout to be heard in the crowded airport. “Glad you could get a flight on such short notice.”

“Hey, Em! Yeah, last-minute tickets are crazy expensive I guess. Not really a problem for me, though. And I’d never let you do this without me anyway.”

“Well I’m glad you’re here.” She grabbed hold of his arm and started leading him toward the exit. “Now come on.”

Matt let himself be dragged all the way outside. Once they reached her car Emily opened her trunk and told Matt to place his single carry-on piece of luggage inside. Then she tried not to snicker as he attempted to stuff himself into the passenger seat of her compact Coupe.

The ride home was relatively short, but it felt like an eternity. Neither of them knew what to say to the other. Matt was here for a serious occasion, so lighthearted small talk felt wrong. Emily didn’t want to broach any serious subjects, though. She hoped he didn’t mind the silence.

“So…” Matt said after a while. Emily internally groaned. “How are you and Jess doing?”

“Fine.” She and Jess had agreed they were going to tell him about their relationship, but they were going to tell him together. “Not much progress on the drug front yet, but she’s talking to a counselor again. A lady from New Hampshire with rehab clinic experience is willing to hold video sessions with her once a week. Jess seems to like her.”

“Oh yeah?” Matt visibly brightened. “That’s great. I knew you’d help her, Em.”

Emily avoided eye contact. “How did you ‘know’ I would help her? You thought I was gonna be ‘a bull in a china shop’ in her life.”

Matt paused. “Okay, I did say that. But I mean, once I found out you got her out of her apartment I knew you’d be a good force in her life. Better than I ever was.”

“Oh shut it, she fucking adores you.”

Matt laughed a little. “Yeah, I guess. I just can’t help but feel like I don’t do enough to help her. Like, I don’t push her at all. Maybe if I was more like you she would’ve never got this bad in the first place. I…enabled her. Just like you said the first time we talked about it.”

Emily didn’t say anything for a while. When she did reply, she said, “You’re kind of an enabler, yeah, but you have a place in her life. You’re the rock. She knows she always has you. Even in her darkest hour you’ll never abandon her. I don’t think she has that level of security with anyone else.” She swallowed as she tried not to think about all the years she’d neglected to seek Jess out and check up on her, while Matt had stayed by her side right along.

Matt seemed to consider her words.

“She needs someone to push her,” Em added, “but she also needs someone to make her feel safe and secure. And I’m no good at emotional shit.”

Matt chuckled a bit. Then, with a sigh, he put his hands behind his head and reclined in her car’s small seat.

“So how’s the wife?” Emily decided to ask.

Matt’s demeanor instantly changed. He shifted to lean on the door and stare out the window, as far from Emily and her question as he could get.

Emily’s eyes slid over to him. “Hello?”

“I don’t know,” he eventually said. “She don’t talk to me much these days.”

Emily quirked a brow. “Really?”

“Yeah. I think she’s still pissed about me going to visit Jess a couple weeks ago. God, I don’t know why I tried to lie to her about it. I never lie to her.”

“Maybe she can tell there’s something up with you and her.”

“With me and Jess?” Matt turned to her at last.

Emily shrugged.

“…Maybe if I was single. But I’d never cheat on Jenn. She knows that. Or at least I hope she does.”

Emily returned her gaze to the road, saying nothing.

Matt sighed again. Then, after some time, he said, “God, I really wish I wasn’t married.”

“Get a divorce.”

“We really should. Me and Jenn both aren’t happy.”

“If you were a free man you’d have women all over you,” Emily murmured. “I can think of two, at least…”

Matt blinked. “What, you and Jess?”

Emily coyly bit her lip.

Matt was noticeably flustered. “I…um, I would definitely not be, uh, _opposed_ to that…like, at all…”

“Just something for you to think about.” Emily herself had been thinking about it ever since Jess had brought it up. She loved her relationship with Jess – it felt so right and beautiful, perfect in some strange way. But she also couldn’t deny that she still held feelings for Matt. He was kind and pure of heart – would he not be an asset to their relationship? A stabilizer, a base to Jess and Emily’s at-times-quite-acidic personalities?

Matt wasn’t the only one with a lot to think about.

As soon as Emily pulled into her driveway she noticed Jess peeking out one of her house’s giant windows. She disappeared as soon as they got out of the car.

“Nice house.” Matt looked over the spotless white exterior and black roof. “Very…you.”

Emily unlocked the front door.  “What, cold and uninviting?”

“No, no. I meant like, modern and…’fashionable’ isn’t the right word, but like…it looks fancy. Like something you’d see in a design magazine.”

 “Oh. Well thanks. I hate it myself.” She pulled the front door open. Unsurprisingly, Jess was waiting just inside.

“Hi Matt!” She took a step toward him, but then stopped herself. Instead she opted for a small finger wave.

Matt and Jess were big-time huggers. It was extremely obvious that Jess was restraining herself for Emily’s sake.

“You can hug him if you want,” Em murmured. “It’s not that big a deal.”

Jess hesitated. “No, it’s okay.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake, I’m not that fucking touchy.” She pushed Jess toward him. Still hesitant, Jess studied Em’s face for a moment. Then, apparently deciding Emily was being genuine, she and Matt gleefully embraced.

“So how are things?” Matt asked her once they parted. “Um, other than what’s going down with Sam, I mean.”

“Pretty good.” Jess smiled a little. “I like being here with Em. Much better than my shitty apartment.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Matt returned her smile.

“So Matt, since you’re gonna be staying here, there’s something you should probably know.” Emily interrupted their small talk, but her tone was kept neutral.

Jess took a step back to stand beside her. They exchanged a brief look. Jess knew what Emily wanted to say.

Matt glanced between the two of them. “Okay. What?”

“Jess and I are together.” Emily took Jess’ hand in demonstration. Jess’ cheeks pinkened just the slightest bit. “In a relationship.”

Matt visibly balked for a second, but he quickly wiped the stunned look off his face. “O-oh. That’s, uh, great. Congrats! I’m happy for you girls.”

“Thanks. It’s been really nice so far.” Emily studied him carefully. His eyes held no malice to them, but they did seem to hold a little…sadness? A bit of jealousy? Or perhaps regret, considering his unhappy situation. Maybe it was a little of all three.

After the revelation Emily invited him to make himself comfortable in her home. She showed him to the guest bedroom where he’d be staying for the night (Jess had long since abandoned the room and now occupied Emily’s bedroom exclusively). Matt set his small luggage down on the bed and thanked Em again for letting him stay. Emily was tempted to ask what his wife thought of him doing so, but she decided against it. His attitude in the car earlier seemed to indicate things weren’t going too well on that front. So instead she simply replied that it was not a problem, and that he was welcome anytime.

Matt didn’t waste much time broaching the subject once he was settled in. “I said I’d help with stuff for tomorrow. So, is there anything you guys need help with?”

Jess and Emily glanced at each other. Jess shrugged. “I think we’ll be okay,” Emily said. “Sarah’s going to help out, so that will be eight of us there with Sam.”

“Oh, good – wait, eight?” Matt stared up at the ceiling, counting off names under his breath.

“Me, you, Jess, Sarah, Chris, Ashley, Mike…and Beth Washington.”

“…Beth Washington?”

“Oh yeah,” Jess piped up. “She’s around.”

Matt glanced between them, as if waiting for them to laugh or say they were joking. Of course, neither of them did.

“We kind of…accidentally summoned her during a practice séance,” Emily explained. “She wants to help Sam, so she’s sticking around until we do the real thing.”

Matt balked. “Um…okay?”

“So if you hear a weird noise in the house, or feel a cold breeze or something, it’s probably her.” Jess laughed a little, though her laughter was strained. “I think she’s still a little mad at us, so she likes to knock things over in the middle of the night.”

Matt fell silent, seemingly processing all of the new information they’d just dumped on him.

As if proving them right, Emily’s refrigerator door yanked open and slammed shut with nobody near it. Her recessed lighting brightened and dimmed for a few seconds.

“Yes, we know you’re here,” Emily called out.

Matt wrung his hands. “Okay. I, uh, I can handle this. I mean it’s just a ghost, right? …Ghost of someone we pretty much killed.”

“Yeah.” Emily shrugged, trying to play it nonchalant. “No big deal, right?”

“No, no, of course not.”

They ran into an awkward silence after that. Finally Jess spoke up. “So are you hungry? We should have lunch.”

Matt looked to Emily, as if waiting for her permission. “Um, sure,” Em said, waving a hand casually. “Whatever you want.”

She wasn’t used to someone actually acting like a houseguest in her home. Jess had just stormed in and taken over.

“Okay then.” Matt nodded. “Yeah, let’s get settled in and stuff. I can help you make something for lunch if you want.”

“You still into cooking?”

Matt smiled sheepishly.

Emily couldn’t help but smile a little. “All right. I’ll take you up on that offer, Big Guy.”

 

* * *

 

“So you really didn’t need any help.” Matt nudged aside his cleaned plate and leaned one elbow on the table.

Emily delicately chewed and swallowed her mouthful of lemon grilled chicken. Then she said, “I’m glad you helped. Jess and I can’t cook for shit.”

Jess shrugged. “It’s true.”

“Heh, thanks. That’s not what I meant, though. I’m talking about the channeling stuff.”

“Oh.” Emily thought over a response. “Moral support doesn’t count as help?”

Matt smiled a bashful little smile. “I guess it does, if you consider me that.”

A morsel of chicken accidentally fell to the floor near Emily’s feet. Rin appeared out of nowhere and started sniffing at it curiously.

“No, don’t eat that.” Emily blocked Rin with her foot. “That’s people food. You can’t have lemon.”

Rin eventually left it alone, but not before casting her owner a dramatic, _how could you betray me in this way_ look. After her scolding she went and sat by Matt’s feet. Matt smiled down at her and murmured that she was cute. Unbeknownst to him he just was sitting in the chair she loved to nap on. She was waiting to reclaim her throne.

It was strange having Matt over her house again. The last time they’d been over Emily’s house together was ages ago, when they were dating. Back then they’d just hung out and done, well, a bunch of things that they probably wouldn’t be doing this time.

**_Definitely_** _wouldn’t,_ her brain corrected itself. They were both in committed relationships, after all.

“I really appreciate you, Matt,” she said out of the blue.

Matt sat up a little straighter. His posture told her he was confused by her sudden graciousness. Em at first looked away from him, but eventually forced herself to meet his gaze.

“I appreciate you too, Em.”

They looked at one another for a long while. Emily couldn’t read Matt’s expression very well. She eventually lowered her eyes from his.

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you.”

“Huh?”

“Back when we were…you know. When we were kids. I’m sorry I never appreciated you.”

Matt blinked. “Oh, it’s – it’s fine. Never bothered me. I knew what I was getting into when I fell in love with you.”

Emily felt herself blush at his words. “I think…” She drummed her nails on the table. Jess had gone very quiet, and was simply watching their interaction. “I always liked you, but I didn’t think I deserved you. Or something. I was always attracted to shitheads who treated me like crap. I think I thought, like, subconsciously that that was all I deserved. I don’t know.”

“I get what you mean.” Matt massaged the back of his neck. “To be honest, I always hated the way Mike treated you. He’d pull all kinds of shit, and when you’d finally call him on it he’d get all annoyed and tell you you were overreacting. And he’d say it in front of all of us. He’d embarrass you.”

A deep-rooted sense of shame welled up inside Emily. That shame had been with her for decades now, but sometimes she was better at burying it than others. Now was not one of her better times.

Matt must have noticed her shift in demeanor. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I guess I just still get mad thinking about it.”

Emily shrugged. “Whatever. It’s over now. And we have bigger things to worry about.”

“True.” Matt looked from her to Jess, bringing Jess back into the conversation. “So the thing about Sam is totally fucked up. Do you have any idea how we’re actually gonna help her?”

Emily sighed. “Not a clue, honestly. I thought this was all over with. I mean, I don’t _love_ my life at present, but at least it doesn’t usually involve horrifying monsters. Other than Jess before she’s had her coffee in the morning.”

“Hey.” Jess laid a hand on her chest, feigning offense.

“Love you, dear.” Emily smirked at her. Jess returned the mischievous look.

Matt smiled a little at their exchange, but his attitude immediately sobered as they resumed their conversation. “What if we have to…” He trailed off, expecting Emily to know what he was getting at. Unfortunately she did.

“Killing her would just release the spirit.” She kept her tone cold and matter-of-fact, as if they weren’t discussing the possibility of murdering one of their lifelong friends.

“You’re right.” He fidgeted a little. “But what if she, you know, starts acting like one of them?”

Emily drew up tall in her seat. She glanced over to Jess, who simply stared back at her. They had discussed this already.

Inhaling a deep breath, Emily said, “If that happens then we’ll have to contain her. Like the old man on the mountain did.”

“And then do what with her?”

“Leave her for a while. Starve her until she’s weak and unthreatening. Then maybe try to find someone who can exorcise her or something.” Making note of Matt’s horrified expression, she added, “That’s all I can think of.”

“God.” Matt sighed. “I really hope it doesn’t come to that. Poor Sam.”

“Poor us if she loses her shit and fucking eats one of us.”

Jess made a small noise. Emily quickly reeled it back a little. “I mean, that won’t happen, though. We’ll all be there. There’s no way we won’t be able to restrain her with seven of us there. Plus a ghost.”

“Right. Yeah.” Matt nodded at Jess. “It’ll be okay. I mean, worst case…I can definitely hold her back. I tackle huge dudes for a living. Sam’s strong, but she ain’t that strong.”

A bit of visible relief surfaced on Jess’ face.

“Yeah,” Emily added, “and honestly, Sam’s had this thing inside her for almost ten years and it hasn’t taken her over yet. It can’t be that powerful.”

They were both looking at Jess by that point. She hadn’t said much the entire conversation, and Emily was concerned for her. She could tell Matt was worried as well. Jess shied away from both of their gazes.

“You okay, Jess?” Matt eventually asked.

“We’re doing it here, right?” she said, ignoring Matt’s question. “The séance?”

“Um, yeah,” Emily replied. “We can’t do it at Sam’s house. You wouldn’t be able to participate. Also I don’t know how far Beth can go from where we originally summoned her.”

The lights flickered and dimmed again.

“Yes, I know you’re still here”, Emily called out. “Thank you for making sure my dimmer switch works.”

Jess lowered her eyes. “Okay. Does Sam know?”

“Yeah, I volunteered to do it here. I didn’t tell her why. I figured that was your business. And the Beth thing…I think that’s best saved until she’s actually here and I can explain it to her in person. Or maybe I won’t mention it at all.”

“Okay.” Jess’ voice was tiny, quiet. Emily had asked her numerous times over the past week if she was _sure_ she wanted to go through with helping, that she could still back out and no one would fault her for it, but Jess had repeatedly argued with Em that she wanted to help. That she _had_ to help.

Exhaling, Emily reached over and picked up Jess’ idle right hand. Jess’ eyes flicked up to Emily’s face. Emily squeezed her hand, this time maintaining the light pressure for several seconds. Jess hesitantly returned the gesture. Her far-away stare shifted to a more immediate presence as she studied Em’s face.

“Come on, bitch, you never used to be scared of anything.” Emily smirked just the tiniest bit, hoping the teasing would get through to Jess’ old self. She noticed Matt raise his eyebrows at her casual tossing of cusses at her girlfriend. He didn’t know their relationship, and friendship, like they did.

“I’m not scared, you skank.” Jess smiled a little. “ _You’re_ scared.”

“Me? Um, no. Sorry.”

“So the other night when you woke me up because you were squeezing me so hard, that was just for fun, right?” Jess was smiling bigger now.

Emily played it cool. “I was trying to smother you. Then I wouldn’t have to wake up to death metal.”

“Hey, it makes for a great alarm though! You always get right up!”

“Yeah, and each time my life span gets a little shorter.”

“So you _do_ get scared of stuff.”

“ _Startled out of my wits_ is not the same as ‘scared’.” Emily turned her attention to Matt, who was watching them with mild amusement in his eyes. “You see what I have to deal with here?”

“Hey, you _wanted_ to date me, you ho. You _asked_.”

“That day you must have been controlling my mind somehow. You brainwashed me.”

“She’s onto you, Jess,” Matt piped up.

Jess was grinning now. “I told you before, it’s my feminine wiles. Nobody can resist them.”

“You don’t even know what ‘wiles’ are,” Emily said.

Jess gasped. “I do too! They’re…”

She pushed her chair out from the table and stared down at her lap for a minute. Emily could clearly see her phone out under the table.

“…devious or cunning stratagems employed in manipulating or persuading someone to do what one wants.”

“Wow, impressive word choices.” Emily snickered. “Almost sounds like you read that from a dictionary.”

“I’m just that good with words.” She slipped her phone into her pocket, acting as though Emily hadn’t clearly seen it. “You believe me Matt, right?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” He nodded enthusiastically.

Jess stuck her tongue out at Emily.

They weren’t sure what to do after lunch was finished. It was obvious Matt wanted to be there, but didn’t want to intrude. Their conversations all seemed to eventually steer toward topics Em would prefer not to discuss, so just hanging around chatting wasn’t going to work.

At one point Jess said, “We should probably practice the channeling stuff one last time before we actually have to do it. Especially since Matt’s never done it before.”

Matt agreed, and told Emily he’d like to know what he was in for. With some reluctance Emily decided that that’s what they would do for the next few hours. They would practice and communicate.

Unfortunately she wasn’t sure how to close off channels after opening them, which always led to the strangest of dreams. That night, however, her strange dream seemed to have a very clear message.

 

* * *

 

_A cold breeze blew across Emily’s slumbering form. She realized with a semi-conscious shudder that her blanket had been removed from her. Her eyes drew wearily open, and she was reaching for her discarded covers when she noticed something standing at the foot of her bed._

_She screamed._

_It was Beth. Not just a cold, bodiless form, or flickering lights or doors slamming themselves. It was her. Beth Washington stood at the foot of her bed, clothed in an outfit Emily had seen her wear several times when they were teenagers._

_Emily instinctively reached to her side to rouse Jessica. She quickly realized Jess was not in the bed with her._

_“Emily.”_

_Beth’s voice sent a shudder through Em. She hadn’t heard it in so very long. The very last time had been…_

_“I need something from you.”_

_“What’s going on? Where’s Jess?” Emily crawled as far as she could away from Beth, until her back was against the headboard. Glancing about the room, she realized her windows revealed only thick, impenetrable fog outside, and her open bedroom door led to nothing but a deep black void._

_“Listen to me.” Beth’s voice held its familiar razor edge. “You’re asleep. I’m visiting you here because here I can actually talk to you.”_

_Emily blinked. “I’m asleep?” That explained the strange surroundings of her room. “So this is a dream?”_

_Beth nodded._

_“Wow.” She met Beth’s eyes. A slight tremble coursed through her. “I’m sorry, Beth. I’m really sorry.”_

_Beth folded her arms and shrugged. “Whatever. It’s done.”_

_“What did you want to tell me?” Emily edged closer to her, still terrified but trying not to seem too rude about it. She could feel Beth’s presence radiating outward from her. It was one of the strangest things she’d ever felt._

_Beth stared her down for a good few seconds. “I need your body tomorrow.”_

_Emily paled. “What?”_

_“When Sam comes over. Hannah and I have been communicating with wendigo spirits for years now. I know how to talk to them. Let me borrow your body during the séance so we can make sure it goes smoothly.”_

_“I…you want…my…body?” Emily could feel herself starting to shake a bit harder. “What would **I** do in the meantime?”_

_“You’ll be there too. We can share it. And I’ll leave as soon as the séance is over.”_

_Emily’s immediate gut reaction was to, of course, refuse the offer. That was her body! She needed that! But as she looked upon her old friend, who, because of her, no longer **had** a body to call her own, her refusal died in her throat. She had always said she would do anything to change the events of the past. This would not change them, but it was a starting point to atonement. She had been blessed with a second chance at forgiveness from a person whose life she had helped to end. How many people could say they were given such an opportunity?_

_Beth must have picked up on her hesitation. “Look, I wouldn’t ask this of you if I had any other choice. But Sam needs help. And you’re the person I have the strongest connection with in this group besides her.”_

_“…We have the strongest connection?”_

_“You summoned me. And…” Beth looked away. “You were the one who found me. When I…wasn’t sure if I was dead.”_

_Emily tilted her head. “I found you? Wait.” She swallowed the lump that was slowly forming in her throat. “Are you talking about when I found you…in the mine?”_

_Beth nodded. “It all happened so fast. I thought – I wasn’t sure, you know? Or maybe I didn’t want to accept it. But because of you, when you found me, my family could finally start mourning me. They had a funeral for me.”_

_“I was there,” Emily said. “There were so many people.”_

_“Yeah.” Beth crossed her arms over her chest again. “I was there, too. Not for very long. But Hannah and I, we saw all of you there. It meant a lot to us. It helped us.”_

_Emily’s eyes begin to sting a little. “I’m sorry about Hannah, too,” she said, fighting the tears that threatened to dissolve the remainder of her composure. “And Josh.”_

_Beth bit her lip and shrugged, apparently trying to act casual. “We’re all together now. Sort of. We’re just waiting for Josh, so when he goes he won’t be alone.”_

_“But he’s a wendigo now, right? What if he lives forever?”_

_“Eventually something will set him free. Or someone.”_

_Emily swallowed. Looking up at Beth, she blinked away the small tears that had formed in her eyes._

_“So…my body, huh?”_

_“Just for a few hours. I want to make sure what happened to my siblings doesn’t happen to Sam.”_

_They stared each other down for a few silent moments. Beth had always been a perfect counter to Emily in terms of attitude. Neither of them could ever intimidate the other. If you had asked either girl if they liked the other one, the answer would have been a rather aggressive “no”, but the truth was that they had always held a begrudging sort of respect for one another. And that respect had only grown, at least on Emily’s end, since discovering that Beth had gone through much of the same angst with Sam as she herself had gone through with Jess._

_“All right,” Emily finally said. “I guess you can…borrow it. But please be careful with it.”_

_“I will.” Beth moved to the side of the bed, closer to Emily. As she approached Emily noticed she made no sound, and left no trace of indentation on the rug where she stepped._

_Emily dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, just a few feet from Beth. Beth came close to her, unnervingly close, and leaned down to her. If this was her and Jess Emily would have been expecting a kiss. Instead Beth laid her ice-cold palms on either side of Emily’s face and tilted Em’s head up._

_Emily opened her mouth to ask what was going on. At that moment Beth’s likeness began to disintegrate into a hazy, glittering cloud with only the vague shape of a human. It coiled around Emily, chilling her with its icy touch. Then it began flowing into her open mouth. Emily gasped as her lungs filled with the coldest air she’d ever inhaled, even colder than the frigid mountain air that had served as Beth’s final breaths in life, and very nearly as Emily’s own as well. Emily collapsed to all fours on the floor, choking and sputtering until the freezing aura spread through her body and then slowly dissipated._

_Panting, Em dragged herself back into her bed. She barely had a moment to think on what had just happened before her body collapsed and she fell into a deep slumber._

 

* * *

 

“Emily?”

Emily’s eyes opened. She was greeted by the sight of Jessica in nothing but a thin nightshirt leaning over her. After a moment of confusion she realized she was on the floor, tangled up in her blankets.

Jess offered her a hand. “Are you okay? You were talking in your sleep. Then you flailed around and fell out of bed.”

Hesitantly Emily accepted Jess’ hand. The contact, her skin touching the skin of another, felt oddly foreign to her. She allowed Jess to help her back up into bed. Jess prattled on, teasing her about falling and asking what she was dreaming about. Emily tuned most of it out, instead focusing on her own body. It felt so novel now. She stretched her fingers outward and wiggled them. Then she did the same with her toes. They all responded perfectly. Grasping the sheets beneath her allowed her to pull at them and actually make an impact on their physical form without feeling excessively drained.

“Hello? Emily?”

Emily reluctantly lifted her head to meet Jess’ inquisitive stare.

“Are you okay, Em?”

“Fine.” Her voice sounded strange too. Had it always sounded like that? Yes, yes it had. So why did it sound odd to her now?

She looked at the clock. Four A.M. Her body felt tired, but her mind was racing. _I’m going to see Sam today._ _I can’t sleep, I’ve got to get ready to help her!_

As she was clambering out of bed Jess clutched at her arm. “Um, sweetie, it’s four in the morning. We don’t have to get up yet.”

“I want to get ready now.” Emily’s body moved almost of its own accord, pulling her from the bed and driving her to the bathroom to start her day. “I’ll be in the shower.”

“Seriously?” Jess yawned and stretched out in the bed. “Okay, fine. More bed for me. See you at seven.”

Emily groggily flicked the lights on in her personal bathroom. _Sam!! Sam!! Sam!!_ Her brain was in overdrive, pushing her to get ready in the middle of the damn night even though Sam wouldn’t be over until late afternoon. _But I’m so excited to see her again…she’s just so great, and wonderful…beautiful…_

“Okay, what the hell?” Emily murmured to herself. “I have _never_ been attracted to Sam.”

_Sorry._

A voice, one that was not her own, resounded in her thoughts. Emily’s spine straightened.

She remembered the dream she was having before she woke up on the floor. She’d agreed to let Beth use her body. More specifically, to share it.

_Beth?_

_Yes?_

Emily paled. _You’re in my body with me._

_Yes. We agreed on this._

_When I was dreaming! God, Beth, I – I don’t know how to deal with having someone else in my damn body with me!_

_It’s only for one day. Then I’m going back to the mountain. I just need to make sure I don’t have to take Sam with me._

Beth’s statement gave Emily pause. She wasn’t sure if she meant taking Sam to the mountain as a wendigo, like Josh, or as a spirit, like herself and Hannah. Did she think they were going to kill Sam? Emily _had_ mentioned it yesterday…

_No, I don’t think you’re going to kill Sam. But I want to make sure it doesn’t come anywhere close to that._

Right. Beth could read her thoughts now.

_It’ll be easier for you, anyway,_ Beth continued _. I’ll be the one asking the questions and conducting the séance. You get to just sit back and watch._

_You’re talking to the poster girl for the Type A personality here. You really think I’ll enjoy just sitting back and watching other people do things?_

No answer from Beth. Emily sighed. With a great deal of hesitation she turned on the shower and began stripping out of her night clothes.

This was going to be a hell of a day.


	19. The Shadow of Life

Matt and Jess were setting up chairs around Emily’s dining room table. Emily had nearly forgotten that back when she was furnishing her then-new house she’d purchased a full dining room chair and table set. She’d stupidly assumed she was going to entertain company, or hold business-related dinners at her house. That people would actually want to be around her in their free time.

She had exactly eight chairs. Matt and Jess managed to cram them all in around her table.

Emily remained by the front door, waiting for her “guests” to arrive. Her head was still swimming with thoughts that were not her own. She hadn’t been sure how to explain to Jess and Matt that she was currently two people in one body, so she’d kept it to herself (selves?) and hoped nobody would notice. Thankfully she and Beth seemed to have similar responses to most situations, so it wasn’t exceptionally noticeable when Beth’s reaction trumped Emily’s as the one to be visibly expressed.

Why hadn’t they been better friends way back when? …Right. Because they were both stubborn as fuck, and repelled each other like the north poles of two magnets.

It was kind of a shame. They could have made great bitching partners.

When the doorbell rang the first time it practically startled Emily out of her skin. Likewise, her yanking open the door apparently scared Ashley on the other side. Everybody was on edge.

“Thanks for coming,” Emily murmured as she let Chris and Ashley inside. “Will your boys be okay without you for a while? I don’t know how long this is going to take.”

“They’re with my mother,” Ashley replied.

“Okay, good.”

Chris and Ashley talked quietly with Jess and Matt as they settled down at the table. Emily remained posted at the door.

Fifteen minutes passed before another person showed up. She could tell by the black Corvette Stingray that it was him. Emily made him wait several long seconds after ringing the doorbell before she opened the door for him.

“Hey, Em.” Mike’s tone was as casual and unfazed as ever. “How are you?”

Emily felt a wave of anger course through her. A different kind of anger than what she was used to when looking at Mike. Her own anger at him was comprised mostly of hurt, humiliation, and confused remnants of love and jealousy. This anger was vengeful, and there was not a hint of love or adoration muddling it. Beth’s anger at Mike was fueled purely by resentment of his character.

Emily was a little impressed.

“I’m fine. Sit.” She nodded at the table. Mike strode over to it, but stopped when he noticed Jess staring him down.

“J-Jessica…hi…” He sat down opposite her. Matt leveled him with an unimpressed stare. “Wow, you look…different…”

Jess frowned. “Gee, thanks.”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way! I mean, like, I don’t know, you look…older…?” Quickly realizing that wasn’t a compliment, Mike backpedaled. “I mean like, more mature. Um. Wiser?”

Jess sighed. “Michael, shut up. We’re not here because of us.”

“I know. I know.” He adjusted his stupid tie – why was he dressed up, anyway? He wasn’t at a fucking House meeting – and cleared his throat. “So, uh, where’s the guest of honor?” He laughed a little too loudly at his own joke.

Nobody answered Mike’s question, which left an awkward silence hanging in the air. Emily assumed most of them were wondering the same thing. Beth sure was. They had told Sam three o’clock. It was 3:07. Sam had always been punctual in the past, so it wasn’t hard to guess that she was probably stalling.

“So when she gets here,” Chris finally spoke up, “what are we gonna do? Tie her down or something?”

“That’s the plan, I guess,” Matt replied. “Apparently Sam suggested it herself.”

“She did.” Jess did not look up from her place at the table. Emily could tell she was avoiding looking at Mike.

“God, this is so fucked up.” Ashley rested her chin on her palms and shook her head. “I thought…I thought it was over.”

Chris slipped an arm around her and said something Emily couldn’t make out from her post by the door. Ashley sniffed and then sat up a little straighter, probably trying to act brave.

Finally, they heard a quiet hum outside. Sam’s red Chevy Volt pulled slowly into Emily’s driveway and parked at the very end of it.

“She’s here,” Emily called, barely able to contain the excitement in her voice. _My Sam…my sweet, beautiful, perfect…_

_Okay Beth, can we maybe cool it a little?_

_…Sorry._

Emily never had a clue Beth felt so strongly about Sam. How had she missed it? Was she _that_ self-centered as a teen?

The doorbell rang.

Emily drew in a deep breath. Her body pulled toward the doorknob without her willing it to do so.

She opened the door and was greeted by Sarah. Sam stood behind her, looking off to the side.

Emily felt a churning in the pit of her stomach. _Sam’s wife,_ she explained to Beth. Her skin prickled. _They’re happy together. Try to be civil, okay?_

The sickness in her stomach calmed, but only slightly. _It’s not like you could exactly satisfy her anyway Beth, unless she’s into tipping boxes over._

Her right hand reached over and pinched her left arm. “Ow!” Noticing Sam and Sarah staring at her, Emily quickly composed herself. “Um, hi. Come in.”

It was obvious everybody was trying not to stare at Sam. She didn’t say a word to anyone, and so no one spoke. Sarah a pulled out a chair for her at the table. Sam sat down and kept her eyes low. Sarah took the seat beside her and patted her hand lightly.

Sarah knew nothing of this whole mess, and yet there she was, with Sam all the way. Normally Em would find herself baffled by that. But now that she had Jess in her life again, and in such a prominent way, she understood.

“Hi, Sam.” Jess was the first to verbally acknowledge her at the table.

Sam lifted her eyes to the woman opposite her. “Hi, Jess.”

That seemed to break the ice for the others. “We’re gonna help you, Sam,” Chris said, his confident words betrayed by an obvious lack of confidence in his voice. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Thanks, Chris.” She didn’t look at him.

 _It’s time for me to take over,_ Beth piped up. _Okay?_

_Sure. I’m just dying to surrender control of my mortal vessel. Let’s do it._

A strange sensation coursed through her then, as if her entire body was falling asleep on her. Then it took on a life of its own.

She shut the front door and hurried over to the table, where she slipped into the last free seat, next to Jessica.

She took a minute to just look Sam over. Her hair was short now, but it suited her. It was still the same shining, beautiful blonde it had always been. Her face, however, had aged, and she looked tired. Beth was reminded of when she and Hannah used to stay over her house sometimes, when Sam’s mother was still alive. Her mother’s face had held a similar tiredness, though like Sam her eyes had always kindled warmth and love.

There was a presence beneath Sam’s outer layer of harmlessness. It stalked like a captive tiger, back and forth, searching for a way out. Beth had coexisted with the wendigos of Blackwood Mountain for over a decade now. She’d found them to resent humans, but take no issue with human spirits. They had even embraced Hannah as a sort of honorary wendigo, since her time joined with one left her with strong memories of their wordless language. It was strange.

This one would most likely be weak after ten years away from the mountain’s spiritual energy source. Hopefully it would not be difficult to restrain, should it come to that.

“Em,” Jess leaned over and whispered to her. Beth pulled her thoughts back to the present situation. “Should we start?”

“You have to tie me down first,” Sam said. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Beth exhaled. That _would_ be the safest strategy. She picked over Emily’s memories, trying to see if Emily had any rope or anything in her house.

“We…brought some stuff,” Sarah said. She reached in her bag and dropped a tall coil of rope onto the table. It was still wrapped. They must have went out and bought some just for the occasion.

“We had a hell of a time picking it out,” Sam muttered. “I had to test them all and see which ones I couldn’t break.”

“Pretty sure everyone around us got some interesting ideas of what we were going to use it for.” Sarah laughed a little. Sam let out a single chuckle, but it didn’t sound very genuine.

“So.” Sam lifted her eyes and cast a glance about the table. “Who’s going to do the honors?”

They all exchanged looks.

“I’ll do it,” Matt eventually said.

“Thank you.” Sam slid him the rope coil. He tore off the plastic wrap covering it and approached her with it.

Beth bit her tongue as she watched Sam offer her arms and legs for binding. _She doesn’t deserve this._ Sam had been through so much in her young life, and yet she remained kind and loving always. Beth still vividly recalled an image of Sam at her and Hannah’s funeral. Stoic, her spine straight, her chin up, watching the ceremony with rapt attention. Probably to avoid thinking back to the horrors that had occurred only a week before. It wasn’t until all was said and done that she broke down, in the parking lot of the massive church where the ceremony had been held. Beth had watched from a distance as Sam’s father held her and she wept. Hannah had patted her on the arm and reassured her that they were okay, that they were well. It didn’t do anything, of course, but they both hated seeing her in so much pain. Especially because of them.

That was when Hannah had felt the dark presence in Sam’s body lunge and snap at her like a rabid dog. She told Beth, but there was nothing they could do. They could only watch as Sam eventually departed and went home, likely with no idea she was no longer alone in her body.

Beth and Hannah had known for all these years that Sam had a dark entity trapped within her. But there was nothing they could do without being summoned to the mortal plane, as Jess and Emily had finally done. Now that everything was in place, Hannah keeping an eye on Josh and Beth here to look out for Sam, maybe some well-deserved good could finally happen in poor Sam’s life.

“Could you make them a little tighter? Please?” Sam tugged on the loose ropes. It was obvious they would come free with a few good pulls.

With a look of obvious reluctance, Matt undid the knots and re-tied them right against Sam’s wrists and ankles. He pulled the ends of the rope as tight as he could, until the rope began chewing into her flesh.

“Okay. That’s good, thank you.”

“You sure? It’s _really_ tight–”

“That’s good.” Sam nodded at him. “Thank you.”

Beth looked around the table. Ashley seemingly couldn’t bear to look at Sam, and was choosing instead to focus anywhere and everywhere else in the room. Chris watched Sam with sagged shoulders. Mike observed the situation with a distant coolness that, Beth hoped at least, masked internal concern. Jess was staring at Sam’s restraints, her expression unreadable. Sarah was trying, and largely failing, to act casual about her wife being bound to a chair.

Once Matt sat back down, Beth cleared her throat. “Okay. Is everyone ready to start?”

They all nodded, some more reluctantly than others.

The thought occurred to Beth that absolutely no one at the table knew who she really was. They all believed Emily was leading the séance. They had no idea that Emily’s soul was slumbering deep inside her body while another was leading it around.

She could remember a time when no one liked or respected Emily. They would never have followed her lead like this. Somewhere along the line, things must have changed.

Putting her mulling aside, Beth held out a hand to Jessica and a hand to Mike on her other side. Jess took it immediately, offering Beth the tiniest of smiles as she squeezed her hand.

Mike was quite a bit more hesitant. “Joining hands will help create a stronger field of spiritual energy,” Beth explained, still holding her hand out to him. “It’ll make it easier for the spirit to take hold of Sam’s body. Everyone here should do it. Er, everyone who can.”

Thus Mike hesitantly took what he believed to be, and on any other day _would_ be, Emily’s hand. His skin was a little rough, but not as rough as Beth had expected. She felt a twinge inside as Emily’s confused emotions seeped outward into hers.

Sarah clearly didn’t want to take Mike’s hand. Emily’s few memories of Sarah told Beth that she didn’t seem to care much for Mike at all. Likewise, Mike was reluctant to offer his left hand, which Beth noticed was missing its last two fingers. But eventually he did, and they joined together as everyone else at the table, save for Sam, did.

The presence inside Sam stirred. It must have been able to sense something was going on, and it seemed curious to find out what. _Please be willing to talk._ Beth inhaled a deep breath, ready to hopefully initiate a conversation with the spirit.

“Wait.”

Everyone turned to Jess.

“Sam said she doesn’t remember when the…the spirit takes over. Maybe we should record it.” She was holding her phone, apparently ready to do so.

“That’s a good idea.” Sam nodded in her direction. “Do it. Record the whole thing.”

Jess propped her phone up against Sarah’s bag, making sure the camera captured Sam. Sam didn’t look at her or it.

“Okay, _now_ is everyone ready to start?” Beth asked as Jess returned to her seat and rejoined hands with her and Matt.

“Yes,” Sam replied. The others all nodded once again.

Beth read through some more of Emily’s memories. “So you said you know how to go into trance, right Sam? You can do it yourself?”

Sam nodded.

“Okay. Do it now, then.”

Sam closed her eyes. Beth watched her curiously. She had no idea how long it would take. At a few points Sam murmured things to herself, and then she went quiet. Eventually her tense limbs slackened, and her eyes, previously squeezed shut, relaxed to look more like she was sleeping.

“Sam?” Beth whispered.

Sam did not respond.

“Okay, I think we can try to coax the spirit out to talk to us now.” Beth sat up tall in her chair. The others, apparently unsure what else to do, all followed suit.

“Spirit of the mountain,” she began, “the soul you share a body with is resting. You can come forward and communicate with us while she sleeps. We aren’t going to hurt you.”

For some time nothing happened. Beth was considering what to say next when Sam’s eyes slowly reopened. She blinked a few times. Beth noticed her pupils were clouded over.

“Is this Sam?” she asked, despite already knowing the answer.

Sam glanced down at her restraints. “This is…unnecessary.” Her voice had a strange rasp to it. She had not sounded like that before.

“Who are we speaking to?” Beth pressed.

Sam looked up at her. “I have no name. That is the answer you’re looking for, correct?”

“It’s the wendigo,” Ashley squeaked. “Oh my God.”

“You’re a wendigo.” Beth folded her hands on the table in front of her. At that everyone else released their hold on each other’s hands. “Right?”

Sam’s eyes flicked over everyone at the table in turn. “That is what you call us, yes.”

“What do you want with Sam?”

“How can you speak English?” Ashley spoke up, her curiosity apparently winning out over her fear.

“I utilize Sam’s knowledge of her native human language. And I don’t _want_ anything with her. I have been coexisting peacefully with her for years now.”

There was a murmur among the others at the table. Beth shushed them. “Why don’t you tell us your story, so we’re all on the same page?”

Sam tilted her head. “My story?”

“Tell us your experiences. As much as you want.” Beth knew from experience that most wendigos had no real concept of self, so asking it to talk about itself would be pointless.

The wendigo cast another glance about the group. Its eyes did not appear predatory – moreso curious. “If you are truly interested then I will tell you. Perhaps then we will be able to understand one another a bit better.”

The spirit paused, seeming to search for a beginning point. Beth used the opportunity to rouse Emily from her dormant state. Emily grumbled internally as Beth “woke” her.

 _You might want to hear this,_ was all Beth had to say before Emily was at total attention.

When the wendigo again spoke, all around it cautiously listened.

"Humans wounded the earth. The earth cried out, and we were created from its pain. Protecting it is our sole purpose for existence.” It paused to study Beth’s…Emily’s face. Beth wondered if it could sense her excess spiritual energy.

“We knew nothing of the world save that humans were the enemy. Our prey. And so we hunted them. For centuries it was our single resolve. We would possess their bodies for our own use, and drive them to kill and devour their fellow creatures. We feel no emotion of our own, and thus derived neither guilt nor satisfaction from the slaughter.

“But as time passed, as we inhabited the minds of more and more humans, we began to maintain traces of their remnant feelings. Most of the time it was sorrow, hopelessness...and hunger. We began to feed a constant, unending hunger, attempting to sate the ghost of a feeling from the human spirit that had long since been squelched. We became consumed by human misery. Tormented by it. We took this confused suffering out on our prey.”

Beth raised her eyebrows in slight surprise. Most wendigos she and Hannah had interacted with were not so self-aware. Remaining silent, she let the spirit continue its story.

“That was when _they_ came.” Its tone changed slightly. “The humans who wielded great fire. We were trapped by one, and left to rot in the very bodies we had clamored to possess. What had once been an opening to a new world for us then became…a prison.” It glanced down at its restraints again.

Beth could understand the feeling – as nice as it was to have a physical body, she had to constantly remind herself that she could not faze through material objects or transport her energy to different places at will while occupying it. Interaction with the physical world came at a price.

“The only spirit that managed to remain free was the most powerful among us. The one the humans call the Makkapitew.”

Beth noticed a flash of recognition in the eyes of some at the table. They all knew the Makkapitew well.

“The Makkapitew has strayed from our noble purpose,” the spirit elaborated. “Twisted by human anger, it has become a sadistic hunter with no desire to protect the earth it was born from. When it possessed the body of your friend, it absorbed her rage and shame and used them to transform itself into a being more powerful than we had ever seen before. And it did not differentiate between friend and foe when indulging its savagery.

“When we were freed by this one”–it nodded at Mike, who shrank down in his seat a little–“it was decided among us that the Makkapitew could finally be stopped. We plotted to steal its prey, and then to overwhelm it with many of us at once. But it was more powerful even than we had anticipated. It tore several of us apart. Sam's memories tell me most of you were there.”

“So you’re one of the wendigos that Hannah attacked,” Chris murmured.

“Not Hannah,” Beth snapped. “The Makkapitew. Hannah had no say in that.” Noticing the strange looks from the rest of the group, she added, “…I mean, probably.”

“I sought the Makkapitew's prey,” the wendigo continued. “I was so close to Sam. A mere breath away. As I reached for her I felt the Makkapitew latch its claws onto me - and then I felt nothing but fire. My spirit was thrust from its ruined vessel and pushed into young Sam's body as we were thrown from the explosion. I had no choice in the matter, and I have remained here ever since.”

“So you possessed her by accident?” Matt spoke for the first time. Beth had noticed he and Jess had been listening intently, and hadn’t said a word even when the others were murmuring amongst themselves. Emily’s memories told her they were not present for the scene the wendigo was describing. She wondered how little they knew of it.

“Yes. After realizing what had happened I initially planned to conquer Sam's body and squelch her spirit, like all the others. But away from the mountain and its power I was weak, and Sam consumes no meat, which I had come to survive upon. There was little for me to do but to lie in dormancy within her.” The expression on Sam’s face changed. It almost resembled the beginnings of a smile. “And as I did so, I learned. I unwound the tight, protective coils of Sam's thoughts, memories, and emotions, and I read them. All of them. In the process, I discovered that Sam's passions – protection of nature, preservation of the earth – were not unlike my own. But while we, the wendigo, had approached our goal with violence and aggression, Sam did quite the opposite. Her heart overflowed with love and compassion for all her fellow creatures. Over time I suppose I…began to take on some of those emotions.”

“Some time after our joining,” it continued, “Sam made an attempt upon her own life. I interfered and put a stop to it. She does not remember this.”

“Sam tried to kill herself?” It was Sarah who then spoke. She had thus far been as silent as Matt and Jess, but the wendigo’s casual revelation of something none of them seemed to know had her pale of face and visibly concerned.

“Yes. And I had no reason to prevent her from doing so – had she succeeded in destroying her body I would have been freed from my imprisonment within it. So ask me why I intervened and I will tell you truthfully...I do not know."

The room was completely silent when the wendigo stopped talking. Nobody seemed to have any idea what to say. Sam had always been the strong one, the reliable one, the one they all laid their burdens upon. The wendigo most likely didn’t understand the implications of suicide, which was why it brought it up so casually. But the others sure as hell did.

For a brief, selfish moment a thought crossed Beth’s mind. _I could have been with her again._

She dismissed that thought as quickly as it had come to her. Sam deserved to live. And the world needed people like her alive in it.

“Why did you make her eat raw meat a few months ago?” Jess finally spoke up.

The wendigo lowered its eyes, almost shamefully. "...A moment of weakness."

“So how does a wendigo spirit remove itself from a host body?” Beth asked.

“I do not know. We have never been able to accomplish such a feat, which led to our imprisonment by the fire humans for many decades.”

“Do you think we could have Sam exorcised or something?” Ashley said.

The wendigo glanced from Ashley to Beth. “What does that mean?”

“We might be able to separate you from Sam’s body. It’s a sort of ritual where they ‘purify’ the body and–”

The wendigo made a small noise in its throat. “Oh. I see.”

“I, uh, didn’t finish explaining.”

“No need. I understand.” It lowered its head a bit, avoiding eye contact with any human.

“You’re not, like, opposed to that or something?” Beth asked.

The spirit did not respond.

A sinking feeling manifested in Beth’s stomach as she interpreted the spirit’s very obvious reluctance. “You can’t stay with Sam forever.”

“Why not?” The creature’s tone sharpened. “I have been by her side for years now. I kept her alive. I gave her an appetite when she lacked one for weeks after our joining. I protect her mind on nights when she is haunted by nightmares, and I give her energy to greet the day when she wakes with none. Am I not worthy of her?”

Beth raised her eyebrows. She hadn’t been expecting that. “Don’t you want to return to the mountain?” The question was weak. She knew what it was like up there. Nothing human or wendigo would _want_ to return to it.

The wendigo’s fierce expression softened again. It shook its head. “I am of no use there anymore. My time with Sam has weakened me, both physically and emotionally. I am no longer fit to defend the mountain. Nor would I belong with any of the other wendigo there anymore.”

Sarah had a look on her face. If Beth knew her better she might have known what it meant, but as it was she could only guess. It was certainly a look meaning something.

Chris and Ashley murmured amongst themselves. Beth sighed, unsure what to do in the situation. She’d expected this wendigo to be just like the ones on the mountain. She’d expected it to snarl and spit and tell them it was going to kill them all. She had never dreamed of the wendigo fighting to stay in Sam’s body so it could take care of her, because it had absorbed Sam’s own benevolence.

“Maybe we should see what Sam thinks,” Mike suggested.

Beth glanced about the table. The others nodded in general agreement. Sarah kept her eyes low, not participating in the informal vote.

“Okay. Let’s wake Sam up and see what she wants to do.” Beth watched the wendigo expectantly. There was no way to contact Sam unless it surrendered control of the body to her. That would make for a good test of its supposed loyalty to Sam.

The spirit studied her with Sam’s cloudy eyes. “I will return control to her. I believe Sam will make a wise decision.” The spirit then closed Sam’s eyes. They sat in silence for a few minutes, during which time Beth made sure Emily had been paying attention and was caught up.

_Obviously. How could I not be paying attention? This whole thing is so weird._

_I know._ Beth glanced down at her– at Emily’s hands, observing her perfectly-manicured fingernails. _Once I make sure Sam’s okay I’ll give you your body back. Um, thanks again for letting me use it._

_Yeah, whatever. I didn’t want to do this séance anyway._

_Well I still appreciate it._

_Let’s not get all sentimental, okay? Finish up with Sam first._

Beth concealed a tiny smile as she shook her head almost imperceptibly. She remembered now why she and Emily had always butted heads. They were too damn similar.

Gradually Sam returned to them, her eyes clear, her voice soft and devoid of that otherworldly rasp it had held before. She looked around at the group.

“…Hi, everyone.”

“Do you know what happened?” Beth immediately asked her.

Sam nodded. “This was different than the other times. I still felt like I was aware of everything this time.” Then with a heavy breath, she added, “And I do remember…what it said I didn’t remember. It was about a month after everything happened. That night I was – I was going to do it. I was planning it out. Then all of a sudden I just felt so…tired? I ended up crawling into bed and passing out, and when I woke up the next morning things didn’t seem quite so dire.”

“Why didn’t you reach out to any of us?” Matt said.

Sam shrugged. “You were all fighting your own battles. You didn’t need me to add to them.”

“You could’ve come to us,” Ashley piped up. “You always can.”

Sam shrugged again.

“So you’re going to let us get that thing out of you, right?” Sarah abruptly said.

Sam’s jaw tensed a bit. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t know, okay? I need – I need time to think.” She turned to Sarah as best she could. “Would you mind untying me?”

Sarah looked to Beth. Beth nodded. The wendigo was dormant again. She could feel Sam’s presence, and only Sam’s presence, radiating outward.

Sarah gently untied her, running her fingers soothingly over Sam’s chafed wrists. Beth swallowed her envy and tried her hardest to stay neutral.

As soon as she was freed Sam got up and stretched. Then she wandered over to one of Emily’s windows and gazed out of it. Sarah followed her. “Sam, I know you said it helped you, and it probably did, but isn’t it…I mean, it’s some sort of demon, isn’t it? They don’t help people without wanting something in return. Isn’t that true?”

“It’s not a demon,” Sam mumbled. “It’s just a spirit.”

“Still…”

“I just need some time to think, okay?” Sam wandered then over to the front door. Before any of them could realize what she was doing, she yanked it open and rushed outside.

“Sam!” Sarah bolted after her, followed by almost everyone else. Sam was already gone, dashing down the driveway to their car. She jumped in the driver’s side and shut and locked the doors as Sarah ran for the car. “Sam, open the door!”

Sarah was almost at the car when Sam started it and then abruptly backed up. She sped off down the street without a single glance back. Sarah ran after her, screaming her name until Sam disappeared on the horizon.

“Fuck…Sam!” Sarah stared down the now-empty road, toward where Sam had vanished. “God, why does she always have to be like this? Why can’t we just _talk_ about it??”

Sam would rather be tortured than talk about her feelings, her vulnerabilities or her fears. In fact, even torturing Sam probably wouldn’t get her to admit to many of them. Beth knew that all too well, but it seemed her wife was still learning.

“She’ll be okay.” Beth nodded at Sarah. “She’s always been this way. Trust me.”

”Well…fuck. I wish she wouldn’t be.” Sarah folded her arms and made a noise of disgust. “Besides, we fucking drove here together. How am I supposed to get home?”

“I’ll take you home,” Beth offered.

Sarah was silent for a moment. “Wait a minute. She didn’t even go the direction we came here from. …What if she’s not going home?”

“I can take you around and we can look for her.” _Emily, are you ready to take over again? It’s been so many years, my driving’s probably really rusty…_

_Yeah, I don’t want you smashing up my car. I’ll do it._

“I’ll come with you,” Matt offered.

Chris and Ashley said something to each other. Then Chris said, “We can drive around and look for her in our car, too. The more the better, right?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Beth said.

“I’ll take a ride around, too.” Mike was already heading for his car. “If anybody sees her, let the others know.”

Sarah looked at all of them in turn. “Thank you all. I really appreciate it...”

Beth nodded. _Okay Emily, you ready?_

_Yes, please God give me my body back. I’m going crazy in here._

Trying not to feel too reluctant about it, Beth surrendered Emily’s body back to her. She remained inside Em for the time being – she _did_ want to know what was going to happen with Sam, after all – but she was soon at the mercy of Emily again, as the other girl dictated their bodily movements.

 _Ah, it’s good to be back._ Emily cracked her back and rotated her shoulders. _Remind me never to give my body up to someone else again. Not being able to control anything is agonizing._ She could only imagine how that wendigo must have felt, trapped inside Sam all the time. Its life before must have been pretty shitty for it to _want_ to stay in that position.

“Emily?”

A voice pulled her out of her mulling. She turned to find Jess lingering in the doorway, away from everyone else.

_Shit. Right._

Emily hurried to her side. Jess looked at her with great sadness in her eyes. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to.

“It’s okay Jess, you can stay here. Sam would understand.”

Jess’ gaze went glassy as she stared more through Emily than directly at her. “I don’t want Sam to disappear…I don’t want to lose anyone else…”

Emily took her hand, in what had become their go-to act for grounding one another when they were on the precipice of spiraling, and squeezed it tight. “Someone should be here in case she comes back.”

That seemed to cut through Jess’ haze of upset. “Yeah,” she murmured, “I – I guess that’s true.”

“We’ll find her. She’s just confused right now. She needs someone to help talk her through it all. And whether it’s you, me, or anyone else who finds her, she’ll get that. We’ve all got her back.”

Jess nodded, though Emily couldn’t tell if she was genuinely convinced by Em’s words or just surrendering the debate. In any case, Emily leaned in and kissed her softly, not caring that everyone was staring at her, or that Mike’s eyebrows shot up at the action.

“I’ll be back soon.”

After speaking with Jess Emily returned to Matt and Sarah. They waited for Mike, Ashley and Chris to leave so that Emily’s car was no longer blocked from exiting her own driveway. Once they were able to go, Sarah hopped in the passenger side and Matt slid into the backseat. As Emily opened the driver side door she cast one last look back at her housebound lover, trying not to think about the last time she and Matt had left a sorrowful Jess behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter I've been excited to post for quite some time. I'd gotten to thinking about how the wendigos, according to the canon legends, were released from the earth in response to the earth being "wounded" by human miners excavating it, and how a wendigo would respond to encountering a human who was concerned with conservation and protecting the earth like Sam is. I've also always been interested in the social & power dynamics of the wendigo species, as even though the "lesser wendigo" work together it's pretty obvious that they don't hold any sort of respect for their "Alpha", nor does the Makkapitew seem interested in protecting or looking out for the others in any way (going as far as to kill several of them itself). 
> 
> Fun fact: I was originally going to have Jess start calling the wendigo Wendy. But as I wrote the wendigo's character it became apparent to me that this particular one holds a strong resentment toward names, as it links being named (as in the case of the Makkapitew) with selfishness and straying from what it believes to be the "true purpose" of their kind. So I refrained from including that...though I may still call it Wendy myself. :P
> 
> Only three more chapters to go! Thanks for sticking with the story this far!


	20. The Flame That Guides Us Home

Sam wasn’t at her house. Sarah hopped out of the backseat anyway and ran to the front door. It was locked, and the house was completely dark inside. Sam’s car was nowhere to be found.

Matt rolled down the passenger window. “Come on, get back in,” Emily shouted over him. We’ve got to get back on the road before she gets any farther away.”

Sarah reluctantly returned to the car.

“Where else would she be?” Emily asked as she backed out of the driveway. “Any ideas?”

Sarah pondered for a moment. “Her clinic?”

With Sarah directing them, they were then on their way to Sam’s animal clinic. Since he didn’t have their numbers, Matt texted Ashley and Mike with Emily’s phone and let them know Sam wasn’t home. He got a quick response from Ashley. _We spotted her down near Silver Lake. We’re following her now._

“Chris and Ashley saw her,” he told Em and Sarah. “They’re following her.”

“Where is she?” Sarah grabbed the seat and leaned forward to read the text over Matt’s shoulder.

“Near Silver Lake, apparently.”

“Okay, then forget the clinic. Go there.”

“It sounds like she’s on the move,” Emily said. “Maybe call Ashley so we can get live updates?”

Chris answered Ashley’s phone. “Hey,” he said, “that was actually me texting you. Ash is driving.”

“Oh great, they’ll _never_ catch her,” Em muttered.

“That’s fine,” Matt replied. “I’m actually using Em’s phone right now, ‘cause I didn’t have Ashley’s number.”

“Oh, okay. Well, Sam turned down a side street. Ash followed her, but a truck pulled out in front of us and we lost sight of her for a minute. When the truck turned off we didn’t see her anymore.”

“Do you think she pulled over somewhere?”

“…Possibly? We don’t know where, though. It’s pretty much all residential on these streets, and we don’t see her parked in any driveways.”

Emily rolled her eyes. Fucking useless, the both of them.

“Well we’re heading your way. Should be there in a couple minutes. Have you heard from Mike?”

“Asshole probably went home,” Emily said under her breath. Sarah made a noise of agreement.

“I don’t know about that,” Chris said, “but yeah, no word from him yet.”

“Well if we don’t find her in a few minutes I’ll text him, I guess.” Matt turned to glance out the window. As he did so he startled a bit. “Hey, is that her car?”

Emily looked over his way. “Shit, it is.” She swerved over to the roadside curb and punched the brakes. The tiny red car was driven clear off the road and tucked deep into some woodsy underbrush. It appeared to be empty.

“I bet she’s deeper in.” Sarah was already hopping out of Emily’s car. “In the forest somewhere.”

“Of course.” Emily’s muttering went unheard. Matt was telling Chris that they’d found her car, and where it was. Sarah was already running for the trees.

Matt hung up with Chris and gave Emily her phone back. “They’ll be here as quick as they can. They’re gonna tell Mike, too.”

“Okay.” Emily hardly gave a shit whether they were there or not, in all honesty. More people usually just meant more drama. And Sam already seemed like she wasn’t in the mood to deal with people.

_Do you think we’re gonna be able to reason with her?_ she decided to ask Beth. The other girl had been unusually quiet on the ride.

There was some hesitation before Beth’s response. _I hope so._

_Do you think she should try to exorcise the wendigo?_

_It’s up to her._

_But what do **you** think?_

Matt was staring at her, waiting for her to get out of the car. Emily kept her eyes averted, waiting for a response from Beth.

_I think it’s an intense, invasive procedure that shouldn’t be done unless absolutely necessary, because sometimes the spirit doesn’t let go cleanly, and you can lose parts of yourself with it._

“What?” Emily accidentally spoke out loud instead of in her head. Matt seemed to take it as a response to his watching her.

“Um, nothing? I’m just, you know, waiting for you. So we can get Sam.”

Emily mentally slapped her forehead. _I didn’t mean to answer you out loud._ “…Right, yeah, okay. Let’s go.”

Emily locked the car behind them as she and Matt then pursued both Sam and Sarah.

* * *

 

“Ugh, we are gonna get so many fucking ticks.” Emily pushed a branch out of the way, clearing the path for the two of them in the apparently trail-less small forest. “Why doesn’t this stupid forest have a trail? For that matter, why did Sam have to choose to hide out in a forest with no trails, full of God knows what, so we have to blaze our own fucking…”

She noticed Matt was staring at her. He wore a tiny smile.

“What?”

“Oh, nothin’.”

“You were smiling at me.”

He shrugged. “I guess I just missed you.”

For a moment she was a little stunned by his confession. When she recovered, she punched him lightly on the arm. “C’mon, don’t get sappy on me now.”

“Sorry.” His lingering smile told her he wasn’t.

A crunching noise startled both of them. They caught sight of Sarah some distance ahead, rushing through the piles of dead leaves and broken twigs underfoot. She didn’t seem to be waiting for them.

“How the heck is she handling all this?” Em said, more to herself than to Matt. “I mean, if I found out Jess was possessed by some monster spirit I’d…well actually I’d probably still stay with her. But Sarah hasn’t even known Sam that long.”

_Sam!!_ They heard Sarah shout from somewhere up ahead. Emily and Matt quickened their pace. Eventually they spotted Sarah through the trees. She was crouching down to something. When they caught up to her they realized it was Sam. She was sitting against a tree, her eyes firmly closed. She wasn’t moving.

“Sam.” Sarah grabbed one of Sam’s shoulders and shook her gently. That seemed to rouse her. Sam’s eyes slowly opened, and she immediately leveled Sarah with an annoyed glare.

“Oh, thank God you’re okay,” Sarah said. “What are you _doing_ out here?”

“I was meditating. Trying to communicate with the spirit.”

“Were you able to?”

“I started to.” Her tone was flat.

When Emily and Matt finally caught up, Sam lifted her gaze to them. “Oh. You followed me, too.”

_Sam?_ Ashley’s voice resonated through the forest. She sounded some distance away.

Sam rolled her eyes.

“We’re here,” Matt called out.

They heard Chris’ voice as well. He and Ashley yelled something back. They were drawing closer.

“Why?” Sam murmured.

“Why what?” Emily tried not to sound overtly hostile, but she was admittedly a bit annoyed with Sam’s games.

Sam exhaled in exasperation. “Why do you keep at it? Why would you rather tackle me, and chase after me, and force me to burden you with all my problems? I don’t want to talk about them. I don’t want to sit around and be the star of a big group pity party. Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

Ashley and Chris emerged from the trees. Mike was a few steps behind them. Before they could say anything, Emily spoke up again. “Because we’re your friends? Because you were in potential danger? Because we don’t want to see you get hurt? I don’t know, what do you want me to say?”

Sam turned away. Emily scowled.

“Sam, having a successful marriage means talking about things that bother us. Sharing our troubles.” Sarah knelt down to her and placed a gentle hand on Sam’s knee. Sam would not look at her.

“I just want to deal with this myself. Why is that so hard for everyone…”

_Can I talk to her again?_ Beth spoke for the first time. _Just for a minute. I swear._

Emily sighed. _Fine. I’m at the end of my patience anyway._

Emily reluctantly surrendered control over to the other girl. Once she had control over their body again Beth sat down opposite Sam. Sam hesitantly glanced over at her, then quickly averted her eyes again.

“Sam?”

“…What.”

Beth paused, deliberating what to say. Then, in a moment of raw honesty, she decided to say, “It’s Beth.”

She could feel everyone’s eyes on her. Even Sam reluctantly settled her gaze upon her.

“What’s Beth?” Sam’s tone was a little shaky. She eyed what she believed to be Emily uncertainly.

She stole a glance over at Matt. He was watching her with nearly as much confusion as Sam. Nearly, but not quite as much. Beth remembered that Emily had told him about summoning her.

Beth touched her fingertips lightly to her chest. “Me. I’m Beth. Um, for the moment, anyway.”

Sam shook her head. “I…I don’t understand. Emily, what are you talking about?”

“Wait.” Matt cut in. “Jess and Emily said they summoned the spirit of Beth Washington while they were practicing channeling the other day. Are you…are you, like, using Em’s…body, or something?”

“What?” Ashley said from behind them. Beth heard her, Mike and Chris all draw a little closer.

Beth nodded. “Emily let me share it with her for today. I wanted to be here to help you, Sam.”

Sam drew back a little and studied her suspiciously. “And I’m supposed to just…believe this?”

“Do you remember the first time you came over?”

“Huh?”

“Hannah brought you home from school one afternoon. We were all playing outside, and it started to rain, but we kept playing anyway.”

Sam watched her intently, waiting.

“Everything was wet, and I ended up slipping and falling in the grass while we were running around.” Beth smiled to herself just the tiniest bit. “You offered to help me up. I refused, but you just went and pulled me up anyway. Then you came with me to get a bandage from our bathroom.”

Sam’s eyes were wide. Beth knew that story would be good evidence of her presence – it was far too minute for Emily to know, but important enough for Sam and Beth to both remember. Sam because it was her first time visiting the Washington estate, Beth because it was the first time she felt that weird, twisty, fluttery feeling in her stomach that would end up causing her so much stupid gay angst over the years.

“I was always taking care of my siblings, but you took care of me. All the time.” Beth inhaled slowly. “I wanted to repay the favor. Emily does, too. She’d never tell you this, but–”

_Whoa whoa, what are you about to tell her?_

_Nothing bad._

“–She considers that she owes you her life, and for better or worse you’ve earned her total loyalty. So please, Sam. Let us help you.”

Sam glanced at each of her friends in turn. Then she turned to Sarah, who was still at her side.

“I recognize the…feeling that I get from the spirit,” she said. “It was the feeling that kept me from giving up all these years. It was what pushed me to open my practice when I wasn’t sure about it, and it’s the feeling that gets me so excited whenever I just, you know, lose myself, in nature. It’s a good feeling. I…don’t want to lose it.” She swallowed audibly. “So if you can all handle that as my decision, then fine. If not…”

She shrugged, trying to look apathetic.

“I think you’ll be okay,” Beth said. “I’ve met a lot of wendigos in my day – too many, honestly – and they don’t usually act like this one. Wendigos, they’re not – they’re not sneaky, or devious, really. They’re pretty upfront about what they want and what they’re going to do. I think if this one had something planned it would have done it already. Or it would have at least let you, you know, when you tried, so it could be free again. I think this one has changed from the others.” Her hands began to shake a little. She wasn’t sure why. “I wouldn’t be telling you this if I thought you were in danger. I don’t want to see you harmed, Sam. I…I…I lo…”

Sam reached out and touched Beth’s hand. Her eyes were shining, the way they used to look the very few times Beth had seen Sam cry. “I love you too, Beth.”

Suddenly Emily was thrust back to the forefront of her body. Beth had retreated with lightning speed, and was hiding inside Em’s body like an awkward, nervous teenager around their crush. An appropriate description, Emily supposed. She sputtered a bit, and looked around.

“You okay?” Matt whispered to her.

Em nodded. “Yeah, um – it’s me again. Emily. Beth really wanted to talk to Sam, so I let her do it through me.”

“All of this is just so much to process.” Sam curled her knees up to her chin. “I’m sorry I ran away, though. That was stupid.”

“No, I’d probably run away, too,” Emily said. “It’s a lot to deal with.”

Sam looked to Sarah. “I’m sorry.”

Sarah took Sam’s hands in her own. “It’s okay, hon.”

“But will you…can you…accept me…like this?”

“I fell in love with you ‘like this’.”

Sam shook her head. “I just don’t understand…how are you so okay with this? It’s just so much…”

“Can I tell you something?” Sarah’s tone dropped slightly, taking on a more serious note.

Sam studied her cautiously. “Um, sure?”

Sarah sat down beside her. Emily and the others kept their distance, trying to give them some space.

“When I was a kid,” Sarah said, “I used to talk to ghosts.”

Sam balked. “What?”

“Yeah. They used to appear to me all the time. I’d see dead relatives, old neighbors, all kinds of spirits. As I got older they appeared less often, but it still happens sometimes. So I know that kind of stuff is real. I’ve lived it for most of my life.”

Sam stared at her. Her mouth was slightly open, as if she were thinking of saying something, but no words came out.

“Hey, maybe that’s why I was so drawn to you in the first place.” Sarah smiled just the tiniest bit. “You’ve got twice as much soul as everyone else.”

“…Is that a joke?”

Sarah shrugged. “Sorry. I know I should be serious–”

“No, it’s okay.” Sam’s lips curled upward a little. “It’s kinda funny, to be honest. Maybe you have some degree of psychic awareness or something. Maybe you _were_ drawn to me because of it. Who knows anymore. The world is such a strange place.”

“Oh yes, it is.”

Emily couldn’t agree more with that statement.

Sam and Sarah linked hands and helped each other to their feet. Sam glanced over to Matt and Emily. “I won’t do anything else to cause you all trouble,” she said. “Sarah, do you want to head home?”

“I would like nothing more.” Sarah squeezed Sam’s hands. “And how about when we get there I make your favorite lentil & mushroom shepherd’s pie as a Coming Home celebration?”

Sam perked up a little. “Yeah? I’ll help–”

“No no no. It’s my treat.”

“Are you sure? I can–”

“Shh. You’re gonna take it easy. I’ll make the pie.” Sarah fixed her gaze briefly on Emily. Emily noticed she seemed to be looking deep into her eyes, almost staring through Emily. “Thank you for your help.” In a quieter voice, she added, “Both of you.”

“You’re welcome.” The words fell from Emily’s lips without her consciously deciding to say them. “I’d do anything for Sam.”

Sam cocked a brow at her. “Heh, um, thanks?”

Emily shook her head vigorously. “Okay, it’s time for me and Beth to split, I think. I’m starting to not be able to tell what’s me and what’s her.”

Sarah was still watching her with a knowing look. If she could see ghosts, maybe she could see Beth hiding out inside Emily. Maybe she had known Beth was the one leading the séance. She’d had a look on her face then, too.

Emily wondered just what kind of otherworldly intelligence the woman in front of her may have held. Sam was right. The world truly was a strange place, full of even stranger forces. Emily would probably never learn the extent to which the universe was populated with creatures more powerful and more intelligent than ordinary humans.

“All right.” Sam ran a hand through her scruffy blonde hair. “I’d like to go home, I guess. Maybe start figuring things out a little better.”

“Sounds good to me.” Sarah linked arms with her. Emily felt a strange sensation in the pit of her gut. It was the same feeling as all the other times she’d seen Sarah while Beth was sharing her body. She’d dismissed it before as petty jealousy, but as she gave the sensation more attention she realized it was partly envy and partly something else. Some kind of sense.

As Sam and Sarah took a step toward the edge of the thicket, Em touched Sarah lightly on the shoulder. Sarah paused and glanced back at her. There Emily searched her eyes, as Sarah had done to her just before. Sarah’s body tensed as she acknowledged Emily investigating her.

“What are you?” Emily decided to ask.

Sarah’s posture remained steady and tall. “Something that’s keeping an eye on the balance of things here.” She stole a glance back at Sam, who was waiting for her a few steps away.

“So you’re not human.”

“I’m looking out for all of humankind, but Sam’s the one I’m charged with protecting for now. A special case, sort of.”

Emily’s eyes widened a little, but she didn’t back down. “Is that why you look so much like Hannah, then? You just…”

“C’mon, Sare,” Sam called. “You tempted me with the promise of food. I’m not letting you go back on that.”

Sarah smiled at her. “One second, hon.” Then, returning her attention to Emily for another moment, she said, “Your group knows more than most humans, but you still don’t understand all the nuances of the universe. So just know that we’re all on the same side here. Sam needs you all as much as she needs me. And if she wants to keep that wendigo around, well, I’ll be there to make sure it doesn’t get too rowdy.”

Emily stood, dumbfounded, as the creature before her returned to Sam’s side. They linked hands once again, and Sam nodded at the group as they shyly withdrew.

_What the hell – what is she?_ Emily turned to Beth for answers as soon as Sam and Sarah separated from the group and began their trek back to Sam’s car.

_I – I don’t know. I got a feeling from her right along, but I wasn’t sure what it was. She passed so well for a human._

_Is she, like, good, though? Could you tell?_

_I couldn’t. But…if she’s looked out for Sam all these years, then she can`t be that bad. I guess._ Emily could still feel a small wave of saltiness from Beth at the idea of Sam being married to someone who wasn’t her.

_Could she be, like, a guardian angel or something? Do angels exist?_ Emily was never really big on Western religion, or really religion at all. But as she was currently communicating with the spirit of her dead friend, had felt her body move of its own accord as a result of possession, and had spoken to a wendigo spirit all within the course of one day, she was a little more open to believing the unbelievable.

_I’m…not sure. I’ve never really left the mortal plane. Hannah and I have been looking out for Josh on Earth the whole time we’ve been dead._

Emily jumped at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. She whipped around to find Matt startling a bit as well, his meaty paw drawing back from her. “Jesus, Matt.” Emily laid a hand on her chest and exhaled dramatically.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just, uh, well, you were kinda just…staring off into the distance for a while. I said your name, but you didn’t respond.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Emily looked around at the others, who all seemed to be waiting on her to say something. Since when had she become the leader in this mess? She didn’t want to be the one with all the answers. Fuck, she didn’t really have _any_ answers. “I’m heading home. I think Sam will be okay, but I’ll probably call her later and make sure.” She blinked up at Matt, trying to look more innocent than she felt. “You coming home with me, Big Guy?”

“Uh, yeah. Okay. Let’s go, I guess.”

“We should try to visit her here and there,” Emily overheard Ashley telling Chris as they returned to their vehicles. Chris nodded in agreement. Mike stayed mostly to himself, avoiding Emily and Matt in particular.

Sam’s tiny car was already gone by the time the group emerged from the woods. Emily thanked the others for their help – uncharacteristic for her, and what she suspected was coming more from Beth and her desire to help Sam than from Em herself – and then slipped into her car before much more could be said. Matt joined her inside her Coup. Emily waited for the others to leave, and still then she did not start her car. Matt watched her uncertainly.

Leaning on the steering wheel, Emily sighed a deep, stress-filled breath. “That could have gone better.”

Matt shrugged. “I didn’t think it went too bad. I mean, I was kind of imagining that by the end of the day we’d have Sam locked in a cage and she’d be drooling and chewing on the bars and stuff. This is actually a pretty good ending, I think.”

“Her wife’s not human.”

“Huh?”

Emily laid her forehead on the steering wheel. “Yeah, I…I don’t know. Every time I think I have a little bit of a grip on the world at large it throws a fucking curveball right at my face.”

Matt was quiet for a minute, but his expression said exactly what he was thinking. Eventually he said, “I remember when I thought dating was the most confusing thing in the world.”

Emily’s laughter surprised even her. Seemingly pleased with her reaction, Matt smiled.

“To be fair, dating _is_ pretty fucking confusing. Probably right up there with channeling wendigos and meeting shapeshifting guardian angel-y things.”

“Is that what Sarah is?”

“I don’t know. She said she was here to “maintain the balance of things”, and that she was “charged with protecting” Sam. Sounds kind of guardian angel-ish to me.”

Matt nodded thoughtfully. “And the, uh, shapeshifting part?”

“I’m assuming she probably doesn’t just happen to look exactly like Hannah.”

“Ah.”

Everyone else was long gone by that point. Emily knew they should get going as well, but she needed a moment to pause. Everything had been moving so quickly of late.

_I should get going._ Beth’s soft voice in her head drew Emily’s attention again.

_Okay._ A surprising mix of feelings gathered in the pit of Emily’s stomach. Was she…disappointed that Beth was leaving? It _was_ nice to have someone to help her shoulder all her responsibilities, but she didn’t want someone inhabiting her body with her forever. She tried to squelch the feelings so Beth would not pick up on them, but it was already far too late.

_I have to get back to Hannah and Josh. I’d stay if I could._

_I know you do. It’s fine, I’m fine. You can go._

_It was nice to see you again, Emily._

Emily blinked, a little surprised at the kindness directed at her. _Nice to see you, too, Beth. Or, um, sort of see you, anyway._

She felt a slight warmth in her chest. _Hey, if you die while Hannah and I are still watching over Josh on the mountain, feel free to drop by and visit. We’ll show you all the best viewpoints from the mountaintop._

_I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, but I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks._

She gasped as something tore at her chest. Clutching her hand to her heart, she winced and cried out.

“You okay, Em?” Matt was all over her immediately. His eyes were wide with concern, and his hands were hovering near her, unsure of what to do.

“Ow! What the fuck, Beth – _argh_ – are you giving me a heart attack or something?” _I don’t want to visit the mountain **that** bad!_

_I’m sorry. I’m trying to – ungh, I’m trying to, like, separate myself from your body. I feel like I’m stuck._

A sudden thought occurred to Emily. _The wendigo said they’ve never figured out a way to detach themselves from human bodies once they’ve possessed them._ Her pulse quickened. _Oh God, what if you’re stuck inside me forever?_

_I **think** I’m smarter than a wendigo. But thanks for the vote of confidence._

Realizing Matt was still freaking out, Emily said aloud, through clenched teeth, “I’m okay. Beth’s trying to separate us.”

Matt didn’t seem entirely convinced she was all right. He remained close to her, his phone in one hand. He must have been ready to dial an emergency number or something.

Another shot of pain wracked her body as Beth twisted and wrenched inside her. “Jesus, Beth – _fuck_!”

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m figuring it out._

_Okay, can I maybe just drive? We can figure it out when we get home._

“Is she gone?” Matt asked.

“Not yet.” Emily sighed. “She’s kind of…stuck.”

“Stuck?” Matt raised an eyebrow.

“We’ll figure it out at home.”

“Oookay.”

Beth settled down enough for Emily to concentrate on starting the car and pulling out onto the road. She tried to suppress the nagging fear in the back of her mind, as she realized she was having more and more trouble distinguishing Beth’s thoughts from her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates, I was on vacation. ^^ Thanks for all the kudos and comments while I was away! As always they are super appreciated. I'm looking forward to wrapping this fic up soon!


	21. Our Decades in the Sun

“Maybe you can scare her out.” Jess suddenly lunged for Emily. “Boo!”

Emily flinched, but other than that nothing happened. She could still feel Beth trying to wrench herself free, to no avail.

“Maybe we can work her out of you somehow.” Matt cautiously placed his hands on Emily’s shoulders, and with restrained strength twisted her just a bit. Her spine popped, and she felt a little less stiff, but Beth was still in there.

“Maybe I can seduce her out.” Jess adopted her cutest flirtatious look. She winked and blew a kiss in Emily’s direction. “Hey Beth, if you can get out of there I’ll give you a nice big smooch.”

Either Emily or Beth (or maybe both of them) was enticed by the proposal, but it didn’t seem to help much. Beth was still straining to try and separate herself from Emily’s fleshy prison. She didn’t appear to be making much progress.

“Maybe I need to disgust her or something.” Emily wandered into the kitchen and threw open her pantry. “Beth, what’s your least favorite food?”

_Um, I don’t know. What do you have?_

She heard the fridge open and then close behind her. Jess appeared at her side with something behind her back.

“Hey Em,” she said, “remember that time we dared Josh to eat a whole jar of mayonnaise, and he did and then he barfed everywhere?”

She could feel Beth internally roll her eyes. “…Where are you going with this.”

Jess pulled a jar of mayonnaise from behind her back. Then she held up a spoon.

“No. Fuck no. That’s _disgusting_.”

“Just disgusting enough to work, maybe.”

“I am _not_ eating an entire jar of mayonnaise.”

“Well then what are you gonna do?”

Emily had an idea. It was a big idea, and was not to be taken lightly – but it could work. It just might work.

Reading her thoughts, Beth immediately replied, _Oh God._

“I have an idea, but it’s not pretty. You might not like it.”

Jess’ concerned face dissolved in favor of her usual devious curiosity. “Ooh, I’m interested now. What is it?”

Not wanting to get Beth too accustomed to the idea, Emily instead simply walked away from Jess. Jess eagerly followed her. They stopped in front of Matt, who had been hesitantly pursuing them into the kitchen.

“You all right?” he immediately asked. “You look a little–”

“Matt,” Em cut him off, “I’m sorry, but I have to try something.”

Jess watched with great interest as Em took a step closer to Matt. Then, without hesitation, Emily grabbed him and planted a kiss right on his mouth. He jerked back, but Emily pursued him, backing him up against the kitchen wall.

“Ooh, good idea!” Jess shouted from behind them.

Either Matt caught on to what Emily was attempting, or just didn’t care to resist much. He wrapped his arms around her, and angled his head so that Emily could kiss him more comfortably. He ran one hand up and down her back as they basked in one another for the first time in ten years.

_Oh God, the heterosexuality,_ Beth gagged. _Get me out of here._

“I think it’s working,” Emily drew back from him just long enough to say. They quickly resumed their kiss, and Em opened her mouth slightly to let Matt’s tongue in. A throbbing pain coursed through her as they kissed. She winced, but continued on anyway.

“Woohoo!” Jess was clapping and cheering in the background. “Get it, Em!”

It felt so strange making out with her old boyfriend, especially with her current girlfriend standing right there. Apparently it felt strange to Beth too, because she was trying her damndest to get the hell out of there.

When Emily placed one hand suspiciously close to the waistband of Matt’s pants, she heard Beth gag again in her head, and then felt a pang of agony shred through her body. Emily stumbled backward and caught herself on the counter. Her vision was swimming, both from the strange but arousing kiss and the sharp pain pulsing through her. She caught her breath. _Was that enough to get you out of my body?_

She received no response.

_Beth…?_

It took Emily a minute to realize she no longer felt Beth’s presence inside her. A few moments later the lights in her house flickered on and off a few times.

“…I guess she’s out.” It felt strange being disconnected from her. They had only been joined for a day, but their streams of consciousness had already begun to converge into one. Emily could only wonder how exorcising Sam’s wendigo would have felt for her. She thought of what Beth had told her about exorcisms. ‘ _Sometimes the spirit doesn’t let go cleanly, and you can lose parts of yourself with it.’_ Exorcising the wendigo might have done Sam more harm than good in the long run.

She wondered if forcing Beth out would affect her own spirit in any way.

Her thoughts were dragged back to the present when Matt cleared his throat, and she noticed him staring at her. “You know I’m married, right?” he murmured.

“I needed something to get Beth out. Apparently heterosexual PDA did the trick.”

“Um, okay, but I still just technically cheated on my wife.”

“To free poor Beth’s _soul_. I think it was worth it.”

“I agree.” Jess was more enthusiastic than Em would have expected, having just watched her girlfriend make out with a guy. “You should do it again. Maybe with me involved.”

Ignoring Jess’ comments, Emily wandered into her living room, glancing about for any residual sign of Beth. “Hey, Beth?” she called. “Um, sorry it had to happen like that. But at least it worked.”

”Yeah, Em totally didn’t _want_ to do that.” Jess followed her into the room, still grinning like a devil. Matt was hanging back.

“Well making out with you wouldn’t have had the same impact.” Emily couldn’t tell if Jess was jealous or truly enthusiastic about her girlfriend kissing someone else. Well, kissing Matt anyway. Maybe he was a special exception.

“Oh, I wouldn’t have wanted to make out with you right now anyway. Your breath smells like an old sandwich dipped in stomach acid.”

Emily felt her cheeks redden. She glanced at Matt. “Did it?”

Matt shrugged sheepishly.

Emily dragged a hand down her face. “Lovely.”

An awkward silence hung over them after that, as Matt avoided eye contact with both Emily and Jess, Jess alternated between looking at each of them in turn, and Emily thought about Beth. She knew Beth had to leave. She needed to get back to her family. But, still…

“You can leave if you want,” Em finally said, breaking the silence between the three of them.

“Me?” Matt replied.

Emily shrugged. She’d be referring to Beth, but Matt worked, too.

“Yeah, I kinda have to. I mean, my wife wouldn’t exactly be happy if I never came back home.”

Emily huffed. “Oh yeah, you wouldn’t want her being mad at you.”

They exchanged a long look.

“It’s not like I _want_ to go back,” he murmured.

Emily raised an eyebrow. “Right now? Or ever?”

He merely sighed in response.

Emily glanced over at Jess. Jess shrugged.

“I can’t take you in, Matt. Your wife will storm my house or something.”

“Yeah, I know.” He wandered over to the front door, where he’d left his shoes, and started to put them on. “Don’t worry. I won’t stay.”

Emily followed him to the door. Jess slunk up beside her, and Em slipped an idle arm around her waist.

“Come back soon?” Jess said to Matt.

“Yeah, I – I will. Soon.”

“Good. ‘Cause after what Em got from you? You owe me.” Jess’ tone was teasing, but not as lighthearted as usual.

“Hey, I didn’t kiss her willingly. She planted one on me.”

“Are you saying I should do that, too?”

“What? No, please, I already cheated on my wife with one woman today.” He paused. “I mean, it’s like, twice as bad if you do it with _two_ other women…isn’t it?”

Jess and Emily exchanged a look. “I mean, I would think cheating is cheating, and there aren’t really, like, different levels of it,” Emily said with a shrug. “But whatever, Big Guy. Go back to your wife. For now.”

Matt was clearly hesitant to go. “So…will you drive me to the airport? Or should I take a bus or something?”

“Of course I’ll drive you, you dope. Don’t be all humble about it.” She picked her bag up off the kitchen counter. “Let’s go.”

They were stepping out the door when Jess cleared her throat behind them. Emily turned to find her hovering in the doorway.

“Bye, Jess.” Emily gave her a small wave. Matt did the same, and they headed out to the front steps.

“Wait.”

Emily stopped again. “What?”

Jess bit her lip. “…I want to come with you guys.”

Emily balked. “Are you serious?”

“Just for the car ride. I want to get out for a little bit.”

Em and Matt exchanged a look. Matt didn’t say anything.

“Jess, are you – are you sure?” Emily approached her hesitantly. “I mean, you can, but…”

Jess studied her with those beautiful, expressive green eyes of hers. “Talking to one of the – the monsters, I guess made them seem a little less scary. I mean, I’m still scared, but…well, when you all went out after Sam, and I was just stuck here, it felt really shitty. I felt like a big coward. I want to maybe start being a little less afraid every day. Leaving the house would be a good start, even if it’s just for a safe car ride.”

“Um, okay. If you think you can handle it, then sure.”

Jess latched on to her as they made their way outside. She kept her eyes closed most of the time, but a couple times she peeked at her surroundings and then clutched tighter to Emily. By the time they reached the car Jess practically flung herself into the backseat, where she huddled up like she was about to be smuggled somewhere. Matt took his place in the passenger seat beside Emily.

“Everyone ready?” Em asked, mostly to Jess. Jess and Matt both nodded.

With that she pulled out of the driveway and headed for the airport, to send Matt back to a place neither he nor they wanted him to return to.

* * *

 

Em and Jess were both quiet that night. There wasn’t much to say that hadn’t already been said. They spent most of the night cuddled together on the couch, Emily flipping absently through TV channels while Jess rested her head on Em’s chest. After some time Emily realized Jess’s skin felt a bit clammy. Running her fingers down Jess’ arm, she found a thin layer of cool sweat beading on the other woman’s skin.

“Um, Jess.” Emily nudged her gently. Jess turned to study her with tired eyes. “I think you might need…to…”

Jess rested her cheek on Emily’s lap again. “I know. I don’t want to.”

“You can’t quit cold turkey. You could die.”

“Yeah, I know.” She ran a hand up and down one of Emily’s legs. “I won’t. But…”

“Hm?” Emily stared down at her, waiting.

Jess returned Emily’s stare. Her eyes were full of love. Emily was still unaccustomed to being so adored by someone – and she could still hardly believe it was by Jessica, of all people. The girl she’d admired, idolized, modeled her life around as a kid. The girl she never thought she measured up to. The girl whose decision to call Emily her best friend, when she had so many other suitors for the position, Emily had never understood.

“I want to try to quit soon,” Jess said. “With help, I mean. That’s why I have to start leaving the house.”

“You’re gonna try to quit?” Emily tried not to get too excited by the prospect. Jess had mentioned the idea before – though usually in a more casual tone than this – but whenever she did, she always brought up a statistic she had heard: more than half of addicts who attempt rehab and get clean for a while end up relapsing at some point. Beyond that, Jess had heard that making it to a full year of cleanness was a good indicator that one might stay clean for good, but she was frightened to try and fail. She’d also told Emily that a year without a fix sounded like a living nightmare. She didn’t know how that forty-odd percent did it.

Jess exhaled deeply. “I can’t keep using forever. It’s gonna kill me.”

Emily trailed her fingers down the side of Jess’ face, then combed through her thin, brittle hair. “Well I’ll support you in any way I can. You can stay here if you need to.”

“That might help.” She fell silent for quite some time, and Emily began to think the conversation was over. Then, finally, Jess spoke again. “I used to have three roommates.”

“Three?” Emily could only remember Jess mentioning two of them. She couldn’t remember their names, but she was certain it was only the two.

Jess nodded. “Her name was Britt. Brittney. She was like us. I mean, like me. You know. A junkie.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” Jess took Emily’s hand and squeezed it. Em squeezed back.

She didn’t elaborate. She didn’t have to.

“I’m sorry,” Emily said quietly.

Jess shrugged. The gesture was casual, but her eyes were distant. “It was so weird, just…one day she was there, and then the next…” There was another lengthy pause before she resumed speaking. “Her stuff was still scattered all around the apartment. Nobody wanted to move it. We weren’t sure what to do with it. So we just sorta…left everything where it was.”

That explained why the apartment was such a god damn mess.

“I think the worst part, though,” Jess murmured, “was that nobody even really seemed to care that much? Like, nobody came for her things. Nobody sent a sympathy card or anything. Alicia said hardly anyone even showed up to the wake and funeral. It was like no one wanted to admit to associating with her or something. And she was a nice person. It was really sad.”

An unexpected twinge of emotion clutched at Emily’s heart. She could pick up on what Jess wasn’t saying – if a nice person like her deceased roommate barely garnered any sympathy, then Jess probably felt she would get even less than that. Emily couldn’t help but wonder the same for herself. If either, or both, of them had died that night ten years ago, their closest brushes with death thus far, how many people would truly have cared? How many would care if they died today?

Clearing away the morbid thoughts, Emily slid her hand under the back of Jess’ head and lifted her up a bit. There Emily’s lips found hers, and they kissed for a long, long time. It was an easy out to avoid talking about the difficult subject, and they both knew it – but neither was in a position to refuse such a primitive creature comfort.

When finally they drew apart, Jess cupped Emily’s cheek with one hand and blinked slowly up at her.

“I don’t want to die,” she said. “Not like that.”

“You won’t.” Emily struggled to keep her tone neutral. “I’ll make sure you don’t.”

Jess smiled a tired little smile. “Thanks. The world can be really scary sometimes, but I don’t want to leave it. Actually, I’m kind of interested in seeing what else is out there. What kind of places…what kind of creatures…”

“So, what, you gonna become an adventurer now?” Emily smirked.

“I might. You never know.”

“Take it slow, Indiana Jess. No tombs just yet.”

At that Jess’ tiny smile spread to a full grin. “Indiana Jess? I kind of like that. You can be my sexy female sidekick-slash-love-interest that I get with at the end of the movie.”

“Not the villain? I’m flattered.”

“Oh wait, no, you’d totally be the villain. I changed my mind.” Jess giggled as Emily made a face. “But you’d be the villain that I have a lot of awkward sexual tension with. And by the end of it we’d hook up.”

“Sounds like a decent ending in either case.” Emily leaned down and stole another kiss from Jess. Jess wrapped her arms around Emily’s neck and relished the kiss for as long as they could keep it up.

The kiss ended when Emily felt a chill run through Jess. Drawing away from her, Em said, “Go do what you’ve got to do. We’ll look into getting you some proper treatment tomorrow.”

Jess reluctantly sat up. They eyed each other for a long moment. Then Jess sighed and got up off the couch. Emily watched her walk away, the tiny bit of excitement she’d tried to squelch still flourishing in her heart.

Jess would get back on track. She was tough, and she had friends and a lover willing to help her every step of the way.

Em felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Her phone screen was lit up with a text message from Matt.

It read, in simple lowercase letters and no frills, _im gonna do it._

Having no real idea what he was talking about, Emily quickly replied, _do what?_

A minute passed. Then two. Then Emily received a response from him. _i cant take it here anymore._ Another message immediately followed the first. _im gonna try to leave._

Emily tried to mask her excitement in her responses. _You can do it, Big Guy. You and her will be so much better off._

He didn’t respond again, but he didn’t really need to. Emily was already calling for Jess to come back, eager to tell her the news.

* * *

 

That night Beth visited Emily in her dreams one last time. The dream didn’t take place in Emily’s bedroom. This time they were sitting on the swings in their elementary school playground, where she and Beth had encountered each other for the first time. Emily had stolen Hannah’s swing one recess. Beth had immediately jumped on Emily, and, like the good little girls they were, they started beating the living shit out of each other. By the time they were sent to the principal’s office both of them were covered in bites and scratches, and Emily was holding more than a few strands of Beth’s hair in her little kid fists.

It was the first time Teacher’s Pet Emily had ever gotten a detention. She and Beth spent the entirety of said detention making faces at each other.

“So you’re leaving, huh.” Emily curled her fingers around the swing’s rusty metal chains. Her feet were planted firmly on the ground, much too long to dangle like they used to. Beth, even taller than her, was slouched on an adjacent swing, staring out at the landscape that eventually faded into nothingness around them.

“I have to. My family needs me.”

Emily sighed. “I know.”

Beth pulled her gangly legs up as much as she could, letting the swing drift back and forth as much as possible. “You’ll be all right. You have a support group now.”

“I do?”

“When I was calling the shots for us, everyone thought I was you. And they listened. They had your back. I don’t know what you did, but somehow you won them all over.”

Emily thought back on the past couple of months. She hadn’t been trying to win anyone over, but she had done things that she guessed would garner her friends’ loyalty. Sam was happy that Emily had agreed to go to the reunion dinner, and then was civil to everyone at said dinner. Ashley had seemed to greatly appreciate the time Em went over her house to hear her out about Chris. She had offered Mike an alleviation of the guilt he’d apparently carried for several years on her behalf, and she’d helped Matt help Jess when he just couldn’t bring himself to be tough enough to do so. Were those things part of being a good friend? Em had barely thought about them when she’d agreed to do them.

Maybe she was a better person than she thought.

“Hey?” Beth said, after Emily was silent for a few moments. Emily looked over at her again. “You’ll keep in touch with Sam when I’m gone, right?”

“I plan to, yeah.”

“But you _will?_ ”

Emily studied Beth’s eternally young face. Her eyes held a heaviness that no average, no living eighteen-year-old would or should hold. She found herself wondering just what Beth had seen in the ten years since Emily...found her.

“I will,” Em found herself saying. “I’ll check up on her. And I’ll get the others to do the same, if I can.”

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for a bit. Emily expected the dream to end. Before it did, though, Beth spoke up again.

“Remember I kicked your ass here?” She was smirking at the ground.

Emily straightened up. “Um, excuse me? _I_ kicked _your_ ass, Washington.”

“Suuure you did.”

“Seriously? I’m gonna sue you for defamation of character.”

“You can’t sue me, I’m already dead! Wait, I don’t think that’s how that line goes…”

“Beth Washington, I will see your ass in Ghost Court.”

They both laughed. Even as Emily laughed, though, a great sadness tugged at her heart. She found her laughter dying off as she stared at the girl beside her.

Then suddenly, she was crying.

Beth’s eyes widened a bit at Emily’s abrupt shift in emotion. She reached uncertainly toward her, as if to offer some physical comfort, but her hand stopped and hovered awkwardly between them instead. Em knew consolation had never been Beth’s strong suit. She herself suffered the same weakness.

Feeling like an idiot for ruining the lighthearted moment, Emily sniffed and swallowed back the remainder of her tears. “Sorry,” she murmured, almost too quiet to hear.

Beth kicked at the sand beneath them. For some time all that could be heard between them was the faint squeaking of the ancient swings. Then eventually Beth said, “Don’t cry. Crying sucks.”

Emily swallowed again, her throat still coated with teary phlegm. “Yeah it does.”

Attempting to pull herself together, Em took a few deep breaths and blinked away the dampness in her eyes. She glanced but briefly over at Beth, who was studying her with those dark, mysterious eyes of hers.

It was pointless to cry about the distant past. What happened happened, and could not be undone. And she had been granted a greater opportunity than most in being able to interact with her long-dead friend one more time. That horrible night and those horrible mines had given her at least one positive outcome. A connection.

“So after you leave here,” Emily murmured, after collecting herself enough to coherently speak, “are you just going straight back to the mountain?”

“I might stop and visit my parents first.”

“Have you ever visited them before?” After the deaths of their three children (for they believed Josh to be dead as well) the Washingtons hadn’t fared too well. Emily didn’t know all the details, but she’d heard the tabloid rumors. Bob Washington had eventually continued producing movies, but they’d declined sharply in quality, and the Washingtons’ dark, tragic backstory tended to overshadow every new release.

“Yes. But I’d never been summoned to the material plane before, so I couldn’t do much.”

“What will you do this time?”

“Maybe visit them in their dreams. I don’t want to scare them.” Beth scuffed at the sand with boots that had gone out of style a decade ago. It wasn’t until that moment that Emily noticed she herself was dressed in clothes she’d worn as a teenager, too. She wondered how much of the dream Beth had crafted, rather than her own brain. Or maybe they were Beth’s memories still lingering in her head. Who could tell anymore.

The playground scenario around them flickered. Emily glanced about fearfully. “What’s going on?”

Beth furrowed her brow. “Maybe you’re waking up?”

“But I – I don’t want to wake up yet.” The dream world was fading by the moment. The swing disappeared out from under Emily, and she fell on her rear in the sand. Heeding Emily’s misfortune, Beth hopped up off her swing just before it vanished. Emily scowled as she brushed the sand off her jeans. She realized as she brushed it that it wasn’t falling off. It was simply disappearing.

Suddenly a pair of phantom arms wrapped around Em’s waist. Emily felt a pressure against her back, and picked up on a faint but familiar scent. “Jess?”

Beth studied her with pursed lips. “She must be cuddling you in your sleep.”

“Oh, yeah, she probably is.” Emily shimmied into the embrace a little tighter, and closed her eyes for a brief moment. When she reopened them the world had returned to its complete state. The swing reappeared by her leg, and their old school reappeared in the distance. The arms around Emily faded, but the warm, comforting feeling they bestowed upon her remained.

Beth glanced about. “Huh. Jess must’ve disturbed you a little, but now you’re fully asleep again.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Good?”

On a whim, she decided to try something. She closed her eyes again, and willed a change in her surroundings.

Beth made a small noise of confusion. Emily opened her eyes to a complete change in scenery. They now stood overlooking a pier the group had hung out on and around all the time as teens.

Emily leaned on the rusty railing that lined the boardwalk, and gazed out at the ocean lapping gently at the shore below. Beth, however, was only looking at Emily. “What are you doing?”

Emily shrugged. “What, can’t I want a few minutes of total control over my surroundings? I don’t exactly have that when I’m awake…”

Beth, almost cautiously, eventually joined her in leaning and staring out at the water generated by Emily’s sleeping mind.

“So,” Emily said, “we have a while before I wake up, probably. Wanna…hang out for a bit?”

Beth waited a moment to respond, but her facial expression told Emily her answer immediately.

“Okay. Sure.”

Emily smiled a little.

“You know, you’re not so bad, Emily,” Beth added. “Even though you try to act like you are.”

“Hey, I could say the same for you. Always trying to act so tough. You’re just a big softie.”

“Says the little spoon being cuddled by her girlfriend right now.”

“Excuse you, I prefer the term comfort…receptionist.” Emily huffed and leaned farther over the railing, to avoid showing Beth the fact that she was smiling. “Anyway, shut up. Let’s just hang out like old times.”

“Old times, huh?” Beth grinned, making Emily immediately regret her choice of wording. “Okay.”

With one sudden push Emily was sent crashing face-first to the sandy shoreline ten feet below them.

She scrambled to her feet and spat out a mouthful of dream-sand, followed by more than a few mouthfuls of curses aimed at her companion. Beth was just watching casually, a small, amused smirk on her lips.

Emily knew on the inside that she probably deserved that. So she resisted the urge to climb back up and initiate the long-awaited Round 2 of their elementary school swingset smackdown.

A moment later Beth dropped from the railing and landed beside her. She was still smiling. Emily pushed her away. “Stop smiling at me, you big fucking nerd.”

“Then quit touching me, you big gay.”

Emily gasped. “Wow, um, _I’m_ the big gay? Beth Washington is calling _me_ a big gay?”

“You should take that as a compliment.”

“I don’t.”

Beth shrugged. “Oh well.”

They walked over to the water’s edge and sat down on the sand.

“On a serious note,” Beth said, “I could always tell you weren’t straight.”

Emily drew back a little. “What? What do you mean?”

“Eh.” She shrugged again. “It was just obvious to me. The way you looked at Jess, it was like the way…it was familiar to me.” She corrected herself midsentence, and then dropped off. Emily had a feeling she knew what Beth had been about to say.

Emily hugged her knees, and watched as a few seagulls soared overhead. _It would have been nice to have a friend going through the same shit._ If only teenage Emily hadn’t been an antisocial, loudmouthed asshole determined to reject everyone before they could reject her first.

“You know…” Emily paused, trying to word the thought that popped into her head. Beth watched her curiously. “Since Sam’s wife is apparently, like, ‘assigned’ to her or whatever, when Sam dies Sarah will probably move on to protecting another human.”

Beth’s eyes lit up a little. She knew where Emily was going with the topic.

“Maybe you’ll, y’know, have another shot with her.”

Beth smiled a small, self-conscious smile. Emily realized she had rarely seen her smile when she was alive. “You think I would? Have a chance with her, I mean?”

“Hey, she told you she loves you. That’s something.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” Beth’s small grew smile faded to a look of determination. “And this time I won’t wait around hoping she’ll notice me. I’ll march right up to her, and…and…”

“And plant a kiss right on her!”

“Oh God, I don’t know about that.” Beth massaged the back of her neck sheepishly. “I’ll probably, like, tell her I always thought she was pretty and stuff. Maybe ask if she wants to do something together.”

Emily folded her arms. “An acceptable start, I guess.”

“Well how did you end up getting together with Jessica? Maybe I can take some advice from that.”

“Oof, that’s a _looong_ story.” Emily sat back on the sand. “…You really want to know?”

Beth nodded, enthusiasm lighting her face.

“Okay then.” Em took a deep, theatrical breath. “It all started on a perfectly innocuous work day. I was just heading home when I got a mysterious phone call, which turned out to be from none other than Sam herself…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone (again) for staying with my story. I've really enjoyed writing it. This is technically the end, but I will be uploading an epilogue soon that wraps up a few loose ends.
> 
> Thank you all for the support, comments, etc. I really, really appreciate them!


	22. Reminiscence

_Two years later_

Emily adjusted her reading glasses as she studied the paperwork spread across the desk of her study. “We should probably lay off the Rodeo shopping trips.”

Jessica grinned. Her eyes were hidden behind a pair of outrageously expensive Versace sunglasses.

Emily shook her head, a smile forming on her own lips. “Those look really damn good on you, though,” she said as she returned her gaze to the astronomical credit card bill in front of her.

They pored over the bills together for some time, making sure none of the multitude of charges seemed odd or unfamiliar. Of course none of them did. Every ridiculous charge was of their own doing.

“So,” Jess said at one point. She took off her sunglasses and folded them in front of her on the desk.

Emily glanced up at her over her studded red reading glasses. “Hm?”

Jess hesitated. “Oh, nothing. Um, I was just thinking…it’s June tenth.”

Emily of course knew what she was getting at, but she played dumb. “Yeah. It is.”

Jess seemed about to say something, but she hesitated. Then, with a shrug, she said, “I don’t know.”

Unable to keep up the ruse in the face of Jess’ obvious disappointment, Emily abandoned her façade. She reached over and laid a hand on Jess’. “We’re really proud of you, Jess.”

Jess smiled. “Thanks. It’s been a long year.”

“You’re already doing so much better. You look better, you feel better. You didn’t think you could do it, but you did.” Emily gave Jess’ hand a light squeeze. “And now you get to spend your money on other things. Things that aren’t slowly killing you.”

They leaned together and met for a brief peck on the lips. Jess’ smile lingered even through the kiss.

Someone knocked on the study door. Emily drew back from Jess. “Come in.”

The door opened, and Matt walked in. His casual shirt and sweatpants were covered in bits of flour.

“It’s ready,” he said.

Jess glanced between the two of them. “What’s ready?”

“Took ya long enough, Big Guy.” Emily gave his arm a playful squeeze as she walked up to him. “I was running out of stall tactics.”

Jess appeared at Emily’s side. “What are you talking about? I want to know.”

Matt took Jess by the hand. “Follow me.”

He led Jess to the kitchen. Emily followed excitedly, eager to see her reaction.

As soon as Matt opened the door to the kitchen, Jess gasped. Emily slipped past her to get a quick look at Matt’s handiwork – he really was a damn good cook. He and Emily had plotted to bake Jess a nice cake as a surprise for her one year anniversary of getting clean, but they’d later devised an even better plan of Emily distracting Jess while Matt handled the cake in secrecy. Emily was glad now that she’d left him to it. Covered in flawless vanilla frosting and decorated with the words ‘ _Congrats Jess, we_ _♥ you_ ’ written across the top in chocolate icing, with a single pink candle in the middle, it was perfect.

Jess brought her hands to her mouth and held them there for a few long moments. Then she looked to Matt, then to Emily. Em noticed her eyes were sparkling.

“You guys are so sweet…” was all she could manage to say before bursting into tears. Matt and Emily both swooped in to comfort her. She let herself be sandwiched between them, smiling through her tears as she nuzzled against her two lovers.

“And that’s not all.” Emily said. Both Jess and Matt looked to her curiously. “Ashley and Chris are taking us all out to dinner tonight to celebrate. They’re insisting it’s on them, so…”

Jess sniffled. “So I’ll make sure to order as much as I possibly can.”

“That’s my girl.”

Matt rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as well. Emily wondered sometimes how in the hell he was able to put up with not just one member of Jess and Emily’s dastardly duo, but _both_ of them. She guessed that dealing with his ex-wife for years must have given him a new perspective. Likewise, she and Jess’ passionate – sometimes a little _too_ passionate – relationship may not have lasted without a personality like his to balance things out.

 As a teen Em had found Matt a little boring. Now she was grateful for his gentle, quiet, and generally kind-hearted disposition.

They cut the cake, giving Jess the slice with the heart on it. Jess chowed down on it. “Mm, this is so good!” she said through her mouthful.

Emily nibbled at a smaller slice. She didn’t exactly need the extra calories, but Jess did. She’d put on a good amount of weight since getting clean but she was still a damn toothpick. Emily was on a not-so-secret mission to get her back to a healthy weight.

“Glad you like it,” Matt said with a smile. He was watching Jess with a fondness in his eyes that had once sparked an intense jealousy in Emily. She never thought a three-way relationship could work for her. She’d been convinced Matt and Jess would simply fall hard for each other and then cast her out. She still struggled with a little jealousy, especially when she saw that look in Matt’s eyes, but he and Jess had endeavored to make it obvious to Emily that she was wanted. That she was an equal part of the relationship. It was hard to feel envious when she was constantly being bathed in affection from both of them.

And of course, the sex was amazing.

After they’d finished tearing into the cake Emily, Jess, and Matt spent a while just hanging out in together in the living room. They reminisced a bit, discussing the recent past, the distant past, and everything between. At one point Emily glanced up at the mantle, which held an array of framed photographs new and old. Being Emily, she had arranged them chronologically – on the far left were pictures from her childhood, in the middle from her teenage years, and on the right – the most crowded section – were more recent photos. Jess had been big into taking pictures as a teenager, but had become a little more hesitant after her body had been ravaged by both injury and addiction. Emily had changed that. Within a few months of living together they’d reverted right back to their old ways, taking pictures _everywhere_.

Em’s personal favorite of the bunch was a photo of herself, Jess, and Matt all trying to fit in one lounge chair in their backyard. Matt was in nothing but swim trunks and sunglasses, Jess and Em in designer shades and bikinis in complimentary colors. Matt had actually been lying in the chair by himself when Emily and Jess had come along and decided to pile on top of him. In the picture their eyes were obscured by their glasses, but their smiles conveyed all the emotion the image needed to become Emily’s favorite. She’d kept the original digital copy saved to a folder on her phone. She sometimes pulled it out at work and spent a few minutes staring at it, smiling to herself.

In the center of the mantle sat the prom picture Emily had rediscovered in the basement the night she and Jess had contacted Beth Washington. Emily spent a lot of time looking at that one, too. In fact, on the rare occasions she was home alone she would sometimes sit on the couch, her legs curled up under her, and talk to Beth. She knew the girl most likely wasn’t around, but she found the practice oddly therapeutic.

Of course, when her partners were home she spent more time focusing on them than on old pictures. At present Matt was in his usual spot in the middle of the couch, and she and Jess were leaned on either side of him. Their hands met on his lap, their fingers laced delicately together. He had an arm around each of them.

“I love you guys,” Jess said out of nowhere. She tucked herself tighter into the crook of Matt’s arm, and gave Emily’s hand a squeeze.

“Love you too,” Emily and Matt replied almost simultaneously. Then they both laughed a little.

Jess giggled. “Seriously, though, I don’t know if I’d be doing as well as I am without you. I probably wouldn’t. So, um, thank you. Both of you.”

“All right all right, that’s enough sappiness.” Emily made a face at her. Jess feigned offense. “We know you love us with all your shriveled little demon heart.”

Jess gasped. Then she turned to Matt, her eyes going big and round. “Matt! Emily’s insulting me.”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“She said I have a demon heart!”

Matt shrugged. “Isn’t that true?”

“Yeah, it’s not an insult if it’s just a fact, Jess,” Emily chimed in.

Jess pouted. “I take back what I said. You two are jerks and I hate you both.”

Emily cut short her pouting by leaning across Matt and pressing her lips to Jess’. Jess pawed at her reluctantly, but soon gave in and kissed Emily right back. Matt leaned back and let them pull together over him. They eventually climbed practically on top of him. Emily felt his hand slip around her waist while she kissed Jess. She made a small, contented noise as he ran his hand up and down her back.

It was certainly not an ordinary happy ending, but Emily was more than satisfied with her current life path. Not only did she have the two sweetest jerks around in love with her, but she also had friends – hell, she was being invited out to dinner that very night. Nobody used to invite her to dinners except for the people who made them essentially into glorified business meetings. And she and Ashley had been spending more time together recently than ever before, since they’d rediscovered their mutual appreciation for “geeky” things like museums and libraries. Sam…well, she hadn’t heard much from Sam lately, but they visited each other from time to time. And around every major holiday she received a very formal, cautiously impersonal card from Mike’s office.

Usually Emily reassured herself by saying that things could be worse. These days, however, she actually felt like they were _good_ as opposed to “not as bad as they could be”. Yes, things were good. Everything was okay. Everyone was okay.

The nightmares of the past were finally behind them.

 

* * *

 

Blackwood Mountain was warm in the summer. Most of the snow had already melted, and the last of the day’s sun was beaming through some purple clouds to light the path to the top.

To an ignorant tourist, the mountain might seem almost welcoming.

_It is watching you._

Sam continued at a steady pace. _So it’s an early riser, huh._

The wendigo inside of her was frightened. It hadn’t said so, but it hadn’t needed to. Sam could feel the dread radiating from it. It feared the Makkapitew, and did not want to return to the mountain. Of course, she was afraid as well – how could she not be? But this was something that had to be done. It should have been done years ago. She couldn’t live with herself any longer knowing what still roamed free there.

She’d had to fight Sarah on it every step of the way. They’d eventually reached a compromise – since there was no way in hell Sam was getting through any airport security with a flamethrower anyway, she and Sarah had made a bit of a road trip out of the ordeal. Sarah was currently waiting in the car at the base of the mountain – _very_ reluctantly. She’d wanted to come up with Sam.

 _I’m sorry Sare,_ Sam had told her, _but I don’t want to put you in danger. This is something I have to do by myself._

She was a little surprised when Sarah finally agreed to let her go up the mountain alone.

 _So what is the plan you’ve decided on?_ The wendigo must not have been able to sort through Sam’s conflicted thoughts on the matter to its satisfaction.

 _Gonna try to lure it into whatever’s left of the Sanatorium and catch it in one of the cages, I guess._ She felt an internal shudder from the wendigo as its thoughts turned briefly toward the cages of the Sanatorium. It had spent decades imprisoned in one of those six-by-eight foot cells, permanent heavy chains weighing it down. She could vividly recall its memories of leaping at the bars in an attempt at escape, only to be yanked back by its restraints. It was a horrible feeling.

The last thing she wanted to do was trap Josh with that thing inside him forever. And Hannah and Beth were determined to stay with him until he was free from his wendigo form, which meant that in addition to keeping Josh imprisoned in his own body she’d also be preventing the twins from moving on to any other sort of afterlife. But it was worth it to rid the world of the Makkapitew’s evil, at least for a while…right?

_Yes._

Sam gripped the flamethrower’s igniter tight as she paused to stare into the already-dark forest just off the trail. The old man wendigo hunter had never been able to capture the Makkapitew. Nor had his grandfather before him. In fact, it had killed both of them.

If she was going to go, Sam had already long since decided, she was going to go out trying to help make the world a little safer. It wasn’t a bad way to die.

The wendigo had reassured her that it would not allow her to die, but those reassurances stopped once they were actually back on the mountain. As Sam knew of the Makkapitew’s serial murders of humans, so did her wendigo know of its massacre of their own kind. It had happened right before its eyes. As much as it tried to obscure its thoughts from Sam, the overall theme was clear to her – it believed, more likely than not, that they were going to be torn apart by the Makkapitew. Sam would be the lucky one, it believed, as her spirit would be able to move on to another realm. The wendigo would be forced back into a subordinate role on the spiritual wasteland of a mountain, no longer having anything in common with its brethren and having drawn the ire of the mountain’s Alpha. It would not be a pleasant experience.

_Your friends are here._

_Huh?_

_The…siblings, of the Makkapitew’s vessel._

“Hannah and Beth are here?” Sam accidentally spoke aloud. She quickly brought a hand to her mouth to silence herself. Just to be safe, she stood stock still for some time afterward.

_Yes. They wish to help._

_To help me trap Josh?_

The wendigo was quiet for a few moments. Then it said, _They understand what must be done._

_Are you talking to them?_

_No. They are talking to me. I can only listen._

The thought crossed Sam’s mind that the wendigo could be lying to make Sam’s decision seem a little less horrible. She picked at its thoughts a little bit, to the creature’s chagrin. It seemed to be conveying the twins’ opinions in earnest.

“Sam?”

Sam froze at the calling of her name. Every hair on her body stood on end.

She knew that voice.

It was Josh’s voice.

She gripped the flamethrower with white knuckles and palms that leaked a cold sweat. _You didn’t tell me it could talk._ The old man’s journal had said that they could mimic human speech, but…

_We typically prefer not to. It must want to toy with you first._

_Great._

_“Sam…Saaaaammm…”_ Josh’s voice echoed from everywhere and nowhere between the trees.

_It’s probably reading your friend’s memories._

Sam gritted her teeth. “Fucking monster…” she muttered. _Josh doesn’t deserve this._

The wendigo didn’t respond.

Something stirred in the underbrush. Sam clutched the flamethrower, and carefully lifted the bandana she’d tied around her neck over her mouth and nose.

A skeletal hand emerged first. It was followed by the rest of the whole monstrous creature, who crawled on all fours out from the bushes. Sam’s breath caught in her throat as it glanced about in search of her. Its limbs were not as long and wiry as Hannah’s had been, but its exoskeleton was far more zombie-like, littered with scars and almost translucent in how pale it was. Its eyes, Josh’s eyes, though milky and unfocused, were still vaguely recognizable in their depth and expressiveness. He still had deep purple bags beneath his eyes, the way he’d come to look after Hannah and Beth had gone missing.

Jo–the Makkapitew seemed to lock on to Sam even while she stood perfectly still. It opened its mouth in a wide, horrific grin, exposing all its jagged, crooked teeth. “Oh…it’s…you.” It was clearly struggling to form the human words with its malformed mouth. “Runt…of…the…litter.”

Sam remained still, hoping against hope that it was just trying to scare her into giving away her location. _What’s it talking about?_ she asked the wendigo.

The creature replied in a small voice, _It’s referring to me._

The Makkapitew leapt at Sam. Sam jumped back, in the process stumbling and falling against a tree trunk. The Makkapitew stopped just in front of her. It barked out what Sam interpreted as a laugh. Then, in one quick move, it flung a hand out and knocked the flamethrower hose out of Sam’s hands.

Thankfully the tanks on her back were strapped around her waist, so the swipe didn’t knock them loose. Regardless, with her shaking hands Sam struggled to grab hold of the dangling hose again. In that split second of opportunity, the Makkapitew lunged for her again.

Sam didn’t have to react this time – the instincts of the wendigo within her kicked in. Before she even realized what she was doing she was scrambling up the nearest tree. She jumped to a high branch and landed on all fours in a spider-like pose. She had seen the wendigos move like this all those years ago.

 _I wasn’t moving, and it still saw me._ Sam stared down at the Makkapitew as it circled the tree trunk, still grinning. _I thought that wasn’t possible._

 _It can sense my presence,_ the wendigo replied.   _I’m afraid you will not be able to hide from it while I am here._

_Perfect. Thanks._

_I’m…sorry._ The wendigo sounded a little hurt by Sam’s sarcastic response.

 _No, it’s all right._ Sam clung to the branch, attempting to get her balance enough to aim the flamethrower at the Makkapitew. _I’m kind of glad you’re with me._

The wendigo seemed pleased by that.

The Makkapitew prowled at the base of the tree, but did not come up. “ _Saaaam…”_ it called in a perfect replica of Josh’s voice. “ _Sammy…”_

Despite her best efforts to ignore them, the Makkapitew’s mind games were messing with her. She couldn’t stop seeing Josh in the monster down there. She couldn’t aim her weapon at him without thinking about it. _Stop it,_ she reprimanded herself. _You killed this thing when it had Hannah. You can do this with Josh…trap him in there with it…forever._

The Makkapitew shook the tree trunk. Sam hung on tight to her branch, just barely managing to keep her grip on it. The Makkapitew screeched. Then it stalked off, eventually disappearing from Sam’s sight.

Sam knew immediately that this was another game, but she had to comment anyway. _It’s coming back, isn’t it._

Before the wendigo could answer her a crashing noise drew their attention. The Makkapitew dove at them from a nearby tree. It grabbed hold of Sam before she could flee, and jumped down to the ground below, slamming her into the dirt as it landed.

 _Sam!_ The wendigo’s voice in her head was foggy. For that matter, everything was kind of foggy after being slammed to the ground from a treetop.

The Makkapitew leaned over her, reaching its spindly fingers for her flamethrower. Sam rolled onto her back and managed to get a hold on her weapon in time to depress the igniter trigger. A burst of flame sent the Makkapitew reeling backward. It huddled some distance away from her, glaring at her with Josh’s eyes.

Its retreat gave Sam enough time to get back on her feet. She aimed another blast at it. But before she could depress the trigger again, the Makkapitew started moaning. It cradled its burned fingers and whimpered in Josh’s voice.

Sam hesitated. As much as she knew the Makkapitew was probably just screwing with her, the thought wouldn’t leave her – what if Josh could feel everything she inflicted upon the Makkapitew? During the few occasions in her life where her wendigo had taken control of their body, Sam still felt things and was (at least vaguely) aware of what was happening to and around her. What if the cries of pain she was hearing weren’t from the Makkapitew, but from Josh himself? And she was planning on imprisoning them forever…

 _What are you waiting for?_ her wendigo said. _We have a chance! Now we just have to let it chase us to the Sanatorium…_

Sam remained fixed in place. The Makkapitew whined again, reminding Sam of one of the only times she’d seen Josh cry. They’d spent an afternoon together after the twins’ disappearance, talking and drinking, trying to keep things light. Of course, the topic eventually came up…

The cries and whimpers of the creature before her sounded _exactly_ the same.

_Sam! Are you listening to me?_

_It was my fault this happened._ The thoughts pervaded her consciousness. She could not ignore them. _I couldn’t stop Hannah from running away. She was down in the mines for weeks, I just didn’t look hard enough for her. And then I couldn’t stop Josh from going through with his revenge prank. I thought I had gotten through to him, but I was wrong. I couldn’t even save him in the mines that night. And just like Hannah I – I didn’t look hard enough for him. I just assumed he was dead. This is all my fault. It’s all because of me._

The wendigo fell silent. She could only assume it had no idea how to process all this information, nor how to console Sam about it.

“I’m sorry, Josh,” she called out. “I’m sorry, Hannah! Beth! Everything bad that happened to you three, I could have prevented it all…I could have tried harder…”

The Makkapitew was watching her. It stopped nursing its wounds and rose to its feet, tilting its head at her words.

_Sam, you cannot reason with it! It will kill us!_

Sam lowered her head. The flamethrower hose dropped from her hands. The Makkapitew took a few cautious steps closer.

“I can’t do it,” Sam mumbled. “I can’t lock Josh away forever like this. And I can’t kill him and set that thing free. I can’t do it…I can’t…”

The Makkapitew exposed its teeth in an ugly grin. It loomed over Sam. Sam kept her head down.

“Maybe just…kill me...”

She could feel her wendigo attempting to take forceful control of her body. On the mountain it was stronger, and she felt her grip on their shared vessel weakening. However before it could gain control the Makkapitew grabbed at them. It seized Sam by the throat and lifted her straight up into the air. Sam looked it dead in the eye, just waiting.

Suddenly she was dropped again.

The Makkapitew screeched as something diverted its attention. Its eyes darted back and forth at two unseen points of interest. It charged at one of them, swiping at seemingly nothing.

Sam didn’t have much time to concern herself with whatever the Makkapitew was newly interested in. The jarring landing shook loose her last bit of hold over her body. In place of her spirit, the wendigo took over as pilot of their vessel.

The sisters of the Makkapitew’s vessel – Hannah and Beth, by Sam’s memories – were doing everything in their power to distract their possessed brother from killing Sam. Beth had actually placed herself between Sam and the Makkapitew, and was generating as much movement and noise as she possibly could. Hannah was behind it, confusing it with the clicks and growls she had learned from the Makkapitew itself.

Although the situation was fierce, the wendigo, strangely, could feel only love from the two human spirits. Love for each other, leading to near-perfect cooperation between the two of them. Love for their brother, whom the Makkapitew presently wore as a skin. Love for Sam, and a determination to protect her. And the wendigo swore it could almost feel a bit of reciprocal love coming from the Makkapitew – no, not from the Makkapitew. From the human it dominated. From “Josh”.

Perhaps Sam was right. Perhaps the humans trapped within the bodies taken by the wendigo kind _were_ still aware and capable of feeling.

In that case…was it truly right to trap him with the Makkapitew in those horrible cages, potentially for decades or longer? What of the sisters who loved this human? Were they never to be reunited with him in the human afterlife? And on top of that, was a decision of such magnitude fit to be made by a wendigo? Not even any wendigo, but the smallest and weakest, the least of its kind?

They had been given Blackwood Mountain to protect from humans. The decision settled upon by this particular wendigo flew in the face of that – in fact completely subverted it – but it could not help but feel it was making the right choice as it raised Sam’s arms, curled her fingers around the igniter, and unleashed a barrage of fiery hell on the mountain’s once-revered Alpha.

The Makkapitew screamed, at first in its stolen human voice, but it soon dissolved into a monstrous screech. Hannah and Beth watched incredulously as the creature collapsed to all fours. It made a desperate attempt to flee, but the wendigo kept Sam’s weapon trained on it. It took an agonizingly long time to burn off the Makkapitew’s near-impenetrable exoskeleton. Once it was burned away, however, the creature went down quickly. Almost sadly so…it was incredible to watch a creature hailed as the strongest of your kind go down in a matter of minutes. Incredible and a little frightening.

The Makkapitew’s vessel collapsed into the dirt.

The wendigo handed control of their body back to Sam after the Makkapitew had fallen.

 _I thought you wanted to capture it._ Sam’s inner voice, as usual, was guarded.

_I did._

Unsure how to convey the complex emotions it was experiencing, the wendigo simply shared them all with Sam. A few moments later Sam nodded to herself.

“Okay. I understand.”

Sam could not see any of the happenings beyond the Makkapitew’s ruined vessel. The Makkapitew’s soul, as burned and charred as its body, burst outward, still shrieking until it disappeared into the night. Then, after a period of anxious stillness from all watching, a human crawled out from the smoldering wreckage. A boy.

He may as well not have bothered clambering to his feet, because his sisters immediately tackled him to the ground. The wendigo was surprised by this curious event until it realized they were hugging one another. The boy had his arms around both of them, and they were all crying, yet smiling at the same time.

If the wendigo had held any reservations about its poor decision, the scene before it helped to alleviate them. They were all so…happy.

The two sisters turned and waved briefly at Sam. Their eyes were shining and they were smiling wide.

 _Your friends are thanking you,_ it told Sam.

Sam hesitated. “Um, you’re welcome, guys. Glad I could help.”

The siblings held each other for another few moments. Then the three of them vanished.

Despite its confidence that it had made a good choice from a human moral standpoint, the thought of the Makkapitew free again naturally made the wendigo uneasy. It tried to hide this feeling from Sam, but Sam was too astute to miss it.

 _I know that…wasn’t probably the best choice,_ she said. _But honestly, fuck it. That family went through enough hell. They didn’t deserve to be subjected to any more of it._

The wendigo failed to respond. The only thought Sam could read from it was, _It is done now._

_Yeah. It is._

She stared down at what had once been Josh’s body, now mangled and burned beyond all recognition. They’d had a connection once, or so she had thought. She could still remember the night they came out to each other. Both of them had apparently expected the other to freak out about it. It had started with a mutual “I have to tell you something…” and ended with “Wait, you too??” And suddenly she was a lesbian with a Gay Guy Friend, a pairing she thought only existed in gay young adult novels.

After that Josh had made it his mission to try to get her and Beth together, since both girls were about as romantic as roadkill. But Sam, falling victim to the age-old lesbian curse of crushing on straight girls, had only ever had eyes for Hannah.

Now Josh was gone. Hannah and Beth were gone. Well, they’d _been_ gone for years, but tonight it was really, truly over. Forever.

“Goodbye Josh,” she said quietly. “Goodbye Hannah. Beth.”

 _We must leave now._ The wendigo’s words in her head were gentle but firm. _The Makkapitew will be hunting for a new body._

 _Yeah. You’re right._ She swallowed, tearing her eyes away from the torched husk in front of her. _And Sarah’s waiting._

Sam couldn’t be sure who was more eager to leave the mountain, herself or her wendigo. It was obvious the wendigo’s insistence that it no longer belonged amongst its brethren were genuine – it was itching to get away. As Sam wandered down the now-dark mountain path she could feel it pulling her forward, accelerating her footsteps until she was practically jogging down the winding trail. The jog morphed into an all-out run when Sam finally spotted Sarah’s car near the base of the mountain. The exhaustion from what felt like hours of hiking was shed in the presence of her loving, supportive wife.

It was over. Everything was (at least somewhat) okay now.

The nightmares of the past were finally behind her.

 

* * *

 

The Makkapitew’s soul flew angrily and restlessly about the mountain, its rage burning even hotter than usual. It watched the runt wendigo and its foolish vessel descend the mountain, proud of their “victory”. Who ever heard of a wendigo and a human coexisting in a shared body? The runt had no shame. The Makkapitew considered forcing its way into their body and squelching them both. It would not be difficult.

It followed them for a bit, mulling it over. No, it would not be difficult at all. The human was about to let it kill her a mere few minutes ago, and the runt, well, it went without saying that the weak little thing would be no match for the Makkapitew’s strength of will.

The Makkapitew swooped down toward them. Before it could reach the waiting vessel, though, something materialized in front of it. A huge, hulking monster of a creature, with four arms and four solid yellow, pupil-less eyes, its scaly skin so purely black that it almost hurt the eyes to behold it, stomped a gigantic clawed foot down into the dirt path before the wendigo. It opened its disturbingly-large, round mouth to reveal several rows of fangs lining the inside.

 _That human is under my protection._ Its voice was distorted, and fluctuated in pitch.

The Makkapitew spat at it, then attempted to continue past the creature to its new body. Despite the Makkapitew’s ethereal formlessness, the creature somehow grabbed hold of the wendigo. It squeezed it in a clawed fist, forcing a weak snarl out of it.

 _You would be wise to know your place, wendigo,_ the creature boomed _. You were given this mountain, and as it was given, so can it be taken away._ The creature maintained its grip on the Makkapitew until the Makkapitew very nearly wished it could die. _Touch that human and you will be banished to a realm of eternal nothingness. No mountain to rule over, no humans to prey upon. Nothing. And I will ensure that you spend the rest of your pathetic existence there._

Even the Makkapitew knew when to retreat in the face of a Guardian. Still snarling under its breath, the wendigo drew away from the monster. It cast one last glance back to see the Guardian melt down into a smaller form. Its inky black flesh washed away to reveal a female human lookalike with long, dark hair and tan skin.

It reached into a pocket of the clothing it had shape-shifted into, pulled out a pair of thick black glasses, and put them on. Then it smiled a small, innocent smile in the Makkapitew’s direction. “Remember, I’ll be watching.”

With that the Guardian vanished. The Makkapitew watched from a safe distance as the creature met the human at the base of the mountain. The human hugged it, then kissed it.  At one point the Guardian glanced back up the mountain trail and fixed its eyes pointedly on the Makkapitew spirit. The Makkapitew spat at it again.

The Guardian led the human into a vehicle, and they departed from the mountain. Hopefully forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who supported me throughout this fic. I remember before I'd uploaded any of it online, when it sat unfinished in a notebook for close to four months, and I had considered it abandoned. I'm so glad now that I didn't abandon it - it's been so much fun to write. Easily one of the fanfics I'm proudest of writing.
> 
> Going forward, I may write a few separate oneshots set in this universe, most likely focusing on characters other than Emily (like Sam and Ashley, or Beth). So (potentially) look forward to that :P
> 
> Anyway, thanks again for all the wonderful comments and kudos and bookmarks and all that good stuff over these last five months! They really meant the world to me, and kept me going so that this abandoned fic went on to become not only uploaded and complete, but my longest fanfic ever!
> 
> See you for the next fic!


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